Not Sure What To Expect Today...

[Lost Trust]

My Ex will be getting married today... it's been an emotional last few weeks building up to it... but in a way, I think it's finally allowed me to let go of some of the emotions I had pushed down inside.

 

I don't think that I ever truly processed my breakup with my Ex after she cheated on me. I had chosen to move on... and then she came back into my life to ask for one more try... and when I said no she tried to kill herself, and I think at that point I was thrown into a place I had no idea how to deal with... and so all my emotions and some of my logic disappeared deep within...

 

It's taken far too long for me to really feel like I was making any progress on this... I just want to thank you all for being an open ear of late whenever I needed a place to write my emotions down and get a response... I can't thank you enough.

 

I'm hoping I don't digress today... but either way, I know I have a place to come and communicate if I need it.

[catfeeder]

Yep, I agree with you--it all needs to come out eventually.

 

I lived with the only man I've ever loved for 4 years. Unfortunately, he suffered depression, and I spent our last 2 years on the fence--wanting to leave but afraid of what would happen to him.

 

It was bittersweet when he found someone new, but my relief outweighed all else. I attended their wedding, and when they moved out of state we fell out of touch except for the pics of their beautiful kids I received over the years.

 

Fast forward from late 20's to our early 40's; I heard from him 2 years after his divorce was final, about a year and a half ago. He visited for a week and all my old feelings returned. But he had not overcome the problems that broke us in the first place--he'd grown even worse. We parted as amicably as we did years ago, only this time, it broke my heart.

 

My crying jags lasted half a year and still surprise me on occasion. I guess my point is, I'm better off for suffering through this as painfully and as thoroughly as you are doing right now. When I squelched it all years ago, I thought I was being mature and generous--but I came out sideways and threw myself into relationships I never should have touched, and I did stupid things to avoid going through the very hell I only ended up going through years later anyway. It's like some kind of right of passage caught up with me that I'd tried to skip--but the only way 'around' it is through it.

 

In your corner.