Meeting up to hang out with the ex

[whattodonow]

Hello and thank you all for your advice. My relationship was rocky, and ended nasty. After a cooling off period, aplogies, and a breakdown on my part about my misbehavior we have had limited contact. He completely misread where I was coming from and it has left him confused because he spent two weeks with incorrect ideas of what went wrong and my position in his head.

 

I am being respectful and understanding. Not pressuring, but keeping communication open through his confusion with deciding what he wants. Tonight he asked if we could hang out some night this week. I said we could because we had a good time chilling after my meltdown to get everything offmy chest. I had moments of sadness and jelousy when we hung out butit was ok. Now, I'm just really looking for advice on how to proceed and act without pressure, but still making it clear how I feel about the possibility of trying again considering he still has so many misunderstandings about what happened and how I feel. Thank you. I'd love to hear your ideas. I hope that made sense.

[HopeArises]

Hi whattodonow,

 

I have one simple piece of advice for you. PLEASE do not bring up your feelings, or anything remotely heavy when in contact with him. Keep it light, fun and superficial at all costs.

 

I am going through the same thing as you right now. I have seen my ex 4 times now since she ended it with me (almost a month ago).

 

I don't really think he needs clarification on what what he misunderstood. Just enjoy each others company and leave it at that. Try that out a few times and go from there.

 

The absense of relationship talk is the absense of PRESSURE and that acts as a suction and not a repellent. Be cool. Be calm. Be confident and act happy to just be his friend right now. In a sense you're starting off from step 1. Keep that in mind.

 

Good Luck,

 

Dan

[whattodonow]

Yeah, I do feel like we are back at step one. I was just looking for advice because he ends up bringing up something about how he feels or felt, and I have to give him a response. Thank you for giving me a boost. I am just trying to take it easy and just be able to at least be friends and hang out at the very least, ya know?

[HopeArises]

Actually no, you don't have to give him any response at all. You are not under any obligation to do so.

 

I'm in the same boat as you though. Thing is, it's not clear who broke up with who in your case. You've left out some important details.

[whattodonow]

I overreacted (yeah, I was a girl big time), and I broke it off, accusing him of being emotionaly unavailable, and uncommunicative . I hurt him really bad with what I said and did, and after I did it I realized that I was not putting myself fully in the relationship, realized I had a lot of issues I never even realized I had (which is where my impulsive reaction came from), and was not communicating correctly. I have explained myself the best I can, realize I was trying to "fix" his problems (which is inexcusable on my part) instead of fixing myself, and above all else want to be able to have some sort of relationship with him. Because of my reactions and actions, I do feel like I should give him responses to the questions he has.

 

Because of how bad I hurt him, it has been very difficult to just get him to have contact with me. Now that he understands a little better (after we had one talk), we have had limited contact. He says he is confused and doesn't know what he wants (heck, I don't know what I am doing either), but he wants to hang out, and I am happy about that. Above all else, I don't want to lose my long time friend, even if we cannot work out an intimate relationship.

[john4321]

read a thread from kevinny "sucess in getting back together"

[whattodonow]

Thank you. I just read that post. It's so beautiful and true. I feel like I have grown so much through this experience. The relationship and the breakup have changed my life forever (all for the better, regardless of the outcome). Thanks guys!