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Another Heartache... Just Forget About The Rain


Krazy-K

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It's the 21st four days till christmas and my boyfriend tells me after two days of not talking to me (whom is also my sisters boyfriend best friend by the way) "okay im sorry ive been acting the way i have been but i need time to think about us. to be honest i havent been happy lately, so unfortunately i have to call it off for now til i get my head straightened out...." exact quote and of course i say just give me one more chance please i know i can make you happy (i love him) and he says "for me to be happy, u would have to be unlike urself and ur awesome the way u are and i want u to stay like that but just not right for me" now where is the since in that... he doesn't want me because i am who i am but he doesn't want me to change... which makes me wonder should i lose weight (only 100 LBS) but still... maybe it's the way i look or maybe he just found someone better... i thought i was sapportive but apparently i'm just too damn emotional so anyway Duff (my sis's boyfriend) whom happens to be my best friend got me to eat for the first time in 2 days today... yup yup... i ended up cutting myself when everyone was gone because he dumped me and i feel like i need i him because the whole time we were together i was happy... i'm not usually a happy person ... he made me happy... i thought he was the one... the one i could spend the rest of my life with because he was the only guy who didn't yell at me or hit me and he actually treated me like i was a human... but i hate him for that... he made me feel alive then just dropped me now i wish i was dead and i feel like no one is there who understands... i'm reaching out so i don't feel alone and the worst part is i just finished his christmas shopping yesturday and put so much time, effort and money into it for him to just leave me... so Duff gets the exchange lol more intense christmas than any of us planned... i got totally drunk tonight and not really seeing the point why because now i'm sobering up i still hurt... there is a empty space in my chest where my heart used to be but it beats no longer... i'm told i'll meet the right guy someday but i'm really leaning more towards being alone because at least then i can't get hurt and right now i really hurt... just don't tell someone you love then if you dont mean it honestly think before you speak... it could be a knife in the chest...

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I'm sorry. This sounds very painful. I am wondering how old you are and how long the two of you were together?

 

My concern is about this line: he made me happy... i thought he was the one... the one i could spend the rest of my life with because he was the only guy who didn't yell at me or hit me and he actually treated me like i was a human...

 

It sounds like you have been involved with some horrible men (as have I so I really understand)...because this man is a somewhat decent person you gave him more credit than he probably deserved...and as I keep hearing and remembering, love is about ACTION-it is a VERB not a feeling and he isn't treating you lovingly.

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Nobody is worth such emotional pain that you do damage to yourself. Sometimes people just don't fit well together...it is not about you being imperfect, or you needing to lose weight...it has to do with just not being made for each other. One day someone will come along who will feel you are pefect for them..but you have to make sure they are also perfect for you. Not everyone hits and yells. There will be other decent people who will come into your life who won't hit and yell.

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Yeah i get that.... just i have no courage anymore.... My sister had to drag me out of bed this morning cause i just wanted to lay there with the blankets over my head in some hope i would just disappear... it's not like i don't think i can live without him i just don't want to... i remember just laying in his arms at night and talking about everything... and it actually ment the world to me... but i was never anything to him... it's just this big rush of emotions all at once and no one i live with understands why i'm so upset... i just want to scream and cry and tell him how i feel... but i know that would only make things worse...

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