Redsox2545 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 So if you don't know my story look at my thread "deeply depressed". Today was one of the days where I thought about her the most...it killed me to think about it and I still can't stop. I have been nc since Dec. 11th but she hasn't said anything to me since Dec. 5th and sent a text telling me it was over on the 8th and never answered any calls or texts from me. I really feel like breaking down. I broke last night and checked her facebook and checked it today as well. I was starting to feel a little stronger but now I just feel week. I want her back so bad. Sorry but I just felt like getting this out...I'm not doing so well at all. I feel like I'm regressing. Link to comment
Cassie Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Redsox, it's very healing to write down your emotional struggle so don't feel badly about posting this. It's what we're here for. The breakup is still extremely fresh and it's natural to be mourning - don't view it as regression but rather the natural struggle between healing and letting go. Unfortunately she has chosen to push you out of her life for now and you have no choice but to respect that. Now may also be an excellent time to really focus in on your own life and where you want to take things from here in your own quest for personal development and enjoyment. I've always found it helpful to set goals when I'm emotionally down - for example, writing down crazy or fun things on index cards that I would love to accomplish, yet never did because I was either distracted in a relationship or too scared to try it out before. So when you're thinking of her, also think of something you can do for yourself - and then do it! Just because she hasn't valued you properly in this relationship doesn't mean you can't properly value and love yourself. In fact I'd argue that self-love is the most important type of love because you'll soon be oozing with confidence again. Even if this girl has chosen to reject you, in the end it is her incredible loss. Link to comment
ryan1987 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 your a young fella like me, in different situations...but still the same feelings im guessing, there's not a lot of worth in words man. but ive been in this place twice now. except now i know time really is a friend.. we can only heal after the pain, not before it. try and find your own two feet, you'll be a better man for it. Link to comment
Redsox2545 Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 Thank you both for your time, thoughts, and advice. I'm thinking I'll give it till January 9th or 10th and call once. If she doesn't answer and refuses to even give me the time of day then I guess I'll just write a letter pouring my heart out... Link to comment
Cassie Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 You're not planning on sending that letter, are you?? Link to comment
Redsox2545 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 Well if I try contacting her after those dates and I still get no response I really don't see what other opportunity that I have. I think by then I don't have much hope but please correct me if I'm wrong... Link to comment
Cassie Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Redsox, only you know what's right for you. Personally however I would not send a letter to someone who has rejected me because if I genuinely poured my heart out and still didn't receive a response, it would make me feel more shattered. I have written letters in the past but shredded them instead of sending because it helped to release the intense emotions inside my brain. But to give something that precious to someone who simply refuses to appreciate it - no way. Link to comment
Redsox2545 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 Redsox, only you know what's right for you. Personally however I would not send a letter to someone who has rejected me because if I genuinely poured my heart out and still didn't receive a response, it would make me feel more shattered. I have written letters in the past but shredded them instead of sending because it helped to release the intense emotions inside my brain. But to give something that precious to someone who simply refuses to appreciate it - no way. I completely understand what you are talking about and I agree that it will shatter me if I was to not get a response back. If that does happen then I really know what kind of person she is. I guess I'm just searching for closure and holding onto a shred of hope that she'll have a light bulb go off in her head and everything will be fine with us. I just cannot live with the thoughts of what could have happened if I had tried. Does this all seem sensible or do I sound completely nuts? Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 No, not nuts but letting your emotions dominate your decision making. When that happens, the ego fully takes over. You have to decide what is best for you right now and let the outcome come as it may. But in this you have to be willing to accept whatever outcome that is without judging what happens or yourself for that outcome. Your gf seems to have up a protective wall to fend off what see perceives to be threatening to her vulnerable emotional state. The biggest emotion threat that she could imagine is probably you. A letter of heartfelt thoughts, if read and responded to (Big If), will possibly set an emotional dissonance in her. Meaning conflicting feelings that she instinctly knows that she cannot deal with. My X has never read any of the letters that I have sent to her. I do not see what good it will do you. Link to comment
Redsox2545 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 I guess I'm just hoping that we can fix things seeing how she didn't want to try. It was basically all out of the blue and an irrational decision. I'm guessing that if I can't contact her in a month without her answering the phone, I'll just write the letter and leave it on her car while she's at work or something just to know she got it for sure. I'm guessing I'm just hoping that she'll contact me and realize the wrong in all of this. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Good luck. Many, many people have done this (including me) and reported their results here and forums just like it and they were not getting any response. Maybe you will be the exception but be prepared for disappoinment. Link to comment
Redsox2545 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 That's the part that I don't think I would deal with very well...I hate to admit it but it's true. I just can't live knowing that the last time I talked to her it ended the way it did... Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 When you accept that (for that it is the way it is right now), you are on the road to end your suffering. Link to comment
Redsox2545 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 She had just been on AIM for about 10-15 minutes. She didn't sign off even though I was on. I'm guessing that me not contacting her isn't making her do that anymore. It's sad because I basically sat there waiting and hoping for an IM from her, and was let down when I saw that she signed off. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 If your emotional state is contigent on what she does or does not do in regards to you, you will likely cause yourself much pain. Link to comment
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