feeling a bit smothered...

[sekarlee]

I've been dating my bf for about a year and a half. We are talking about moving in together, the future, marriage, kids etc. I live this guy more than anything in the world but he is a very touchy person and sometimes that really bothers me. I don't mind being greeted at the door with a hug and kiss but don't expect a 10 minute "snuggle" when im trying to put my purse down and get my shoes off! Also I'm not a big fan of the PDA in front of other people. The occasional kiss hug or hand hold is ok and although he never does anything inappropriate i am just not comfortable sitting there with my friends or family and having him hanging off me or holding my hand AT ALL TIMES! I am not going to disappear! I don't like constant PDA but he doesnt think there is a thing wrong with it. I like to engage in conversations with people as my own person while socializing, not as siamese twins!

 

I need to speak to him about this because I am even getting a little turned off of sex. It feels like" here we go again...i just spent a huge amount of time in bed with you and still its not enough?!?!?Leave me be!" Its not an attraction thing its an overstimulation thing. I would just like to not be touched constantly! Give me a moment to miss you!

 

The problem is i know he will be hurt by this. I try to gently pull away and I know he expresses his love this way and that if i am pulling away he feels rejected. How can I get what I need without making him feel unwanted with the "its not you its me..." conversation??

[addictedblue]

Umm let him read this?

[redhearts]

You two aren't compatible. You said live not love or was it like, like sounds more like it.

[addictedblue]

You two aren't compatible. You said live not love or was it like, like sounds more like it.

 

Oh I just read the "I live him more than anything" as a typ-o that was supposed to say "love"

[redhearts]

I mean you can change live to like with one letter, than to love with 2. I think she meant more of like.

[Silentlyfor]

You two aren't compatible. You said live not love or was it like, like sounds more like it.

 

 

I mean you can change live to like with one letter, than to love with 2. I think she meant more of like.

 

Both very valid points.

 

My suggestion? Tell cold and hard that you're being smothered. If you cared about him you would tell him the truth.

[Wayfara]

I hear you, I'm an affectionate person but it can get too much. I was going out with a guy once, he was handsome but very touchy. He was having his arm over my shoulders constantly. He couldn't sit opposite me, he would only sit beside me so he could have his arm over me. When we were with my friends he was the same, he having his arm over me stroking, rubbing my shoulder with his hand. If a friend took a seat next to me he always asked to change seats so he could sit beside. When we were walking he would put his arm over me too, and that arm just felt so heavy.

 

If it just had once in awhile it could have been cool, but always, always having having that arm there... I felt a bit trapped with him, like as if I couldn't move freely as he was always having that arm so tightly around me. I tried to tell him in a nice way but he didn't get it, in the end I had to be be more blunt and he got hurt, he said I had issues. We were only together like two, three weeks, now he's with a friend of mine. She loves how protected she feels with him.

 

I don't know how you can put it to your boyfriend. Maybe tell him you want to miss him a bit so things can get more exciting. If you want to make it a "it's me, not you" speech, maybe make it out as a fantasy of yours. That you try to do all your best to keep your hands off from each other for a day or two and then you get overcome by passion and have sex. Maybe bringing up some positive points with not touching all the time, and not so much how too much touching turns you off can save his feelings a bit.

[abitbroken]

heck, if it were me i would think I was pretty lucky! My husband told me he didn't kiss or hug me because the house wasn't clean enough.

 

But I see there is a difference of sitting together with someone's arm around you and someone being total velcro. I don't honestly know about a good way to tell him. Honestly I don't without hurting his feelings. Sometimes a comment from an outside person will do it. Even in a joking way.

 

But i will really have to think about this...

 

Is he emotionally clingy or is it just the touching?

[mca1975]

I would just tell him I suppose, thats the only way but make it clear that you are happy otherwise!

[waveseer]

There was a man in my past who always wanted to be touching me and eventually I backed off entirely. It was as if I was his comfort object, the weird part being object.