Should I be worried or is this normal

[cyberdog]

I have a younger brother who is 14 years almost 15. It seems that over the course of the last year or so he has developed what I consider a very bad attitude about things. On the phone or in chat with people he always refers to himself as worthless, ugly, etc. Some times he even remarks that life isn't worth living or stuff of that nature. It has recently gotten bad and I get sick of it personally. He has an online g/f and when I read stuff like 'if you shoot yourself i shoot myself' (we don't actually have any guns) it really pisses me off. He says 'you don't get it. you don't know anything about romance'. Is that really 'romantic'? Seems to me girls don't really like the guys that are down on themselves all the time. And seems to me the girls he is dating may have some form of depression issues themselves.

 

Anyhow, should I worry about this, and if so what should I do, seeing as I am not his parent and they probably wouldn't do anything.

[Anonymous122]

It's likely part of the new-age 'emo' subculture that many youth subscribe to.

[redhearts]

Not necessarily emo, but something similiar.

[MyheartorHis]

This actually made me cry. I have a little brother, too. He's 17. It would break my heart to find these things out about my brother. Have you tried talking to your parents about it or even him? I think you shouldn't shrug this off even if it turns out to be a "emo" phase. Do something about this. How old are you? What if you guys do more stuff together? I would do anything to make my little brother happier if he was sad... even though we are kinda close in age and we have our fights (a lot)... I would still do everything.

 

If you go hang out with some friends, why not invite him sometimes? I did that so my brother could have a better time his freshman year (I was a senior). Just think about if you were the younger one and was having a hard time with life. Teenage years are tough... Good luck!

[MyheartorHis]

Oh, I just noticed you had your age up there. Why don't you guys spend more time together? That just might help. I was having a hard time earlier this year and me and my mom started doing things together more. I have become really close to her here lately and being with her and having that sentimental value between grow made me happier.

[catfeeder]

Ahhhck! I can appreciate your concerns. Might help to remember age 14 and 15. Most of us were smackable.

 

Rather than try to correct him (impossible) you might open more doors by asking curious questions, instead. Let him 'teach' you what you don't understand about him and his ways--and don't knock him for any of it.

 

Point is to cultivate the kind of relationship where he feels valued, not criticized. Reward him with attention, praise and even stuff when you can swing it whenever he demonstrates some openness toward you. The idea is to get him through age 15 alive, and build future trust.

 

In your corner.

[cyberdog]

He does say that several of his friends are emo, though I don't really know what it is. I know it may be a phase or something but still have some concern about it. I don't think he would really do anything like what he says as overall he is content or so it seems as when he talks to his friends and whatnot he laughs a lot, and seems in a good mood. I'm just not really sure of what to make of the way he talks, if it is part of some new 'cool' thing or what.

 

As far as visiting he does visit quite often. The past 3 weekends he visited, and he usually visits every other weekend. We usually plays games (card, computer, etc), watch TV, and talk. Man, the things a 14 year old talks about can be surprising even to me.

[MyheartorHis]

He does say that several of his friends are emo, though I don't really know what it is. I know it may be a phase or something but still have some concern about it. I don't think he would really do anything like what he says as overall he is content or so it seems as when he talks to his friends and whatnot he laughs a lot, and seems in a good mood. I'm just not really sure of what to make of the way he talks, if it is part of some new 'cool' thing or what.

 

As far as visiting he does visit quite often. The past 3 weekends he visited, and he usually visits every other weekend. We usually plays games (card, computer, etc), watch TV, and talk. Man, the things a 14 year old talks about can be surprising even to me.

 

Well, that's good. I've never been around "emo" people. My brother has taken in a lot of the things that I like and I know most of his friends because my friends are their older brother and sisters. I guess it's a phase... but it's good that your are worried about your brother. That's sweet!

[alexandergre]

I know how you feel man... my brother was worse... he even cut his hand and have been in hospital for several days. You just have to let it go.. dont get angry at him. cuz it makes everything worse... be kind and listen to what he says... but everything will get better in time after a year or two... he might lie to you, as my brother did, but forgive him anyway, support him even if you think he is a "piece of trash"....

 

Let him travel alone for a month or so... if you have any relatives or cousins who live abroad, maybe your brother can stay with them for a while... I bought a ticket for my brother to italy and when he came back , he was absoloutly happy.. he quitted smoking.. not angry anymore... cares about him self and his future....

 

good luck dude...

[thefoot]

I can't say i agree with the others here. He's obviously going to resist change or advice, but to just let him continue isn't right at all. my best advice is to listen to him, without interruption, understand him. And try to show him why that is NOT romance. Since when is romance over dramatics and depression? He's your younger brother, i guaruntee he looks up to you, just don't alienate him. subtly show him how you feel true relationships should be, without pushing him away or knocking his own beliefs.