I'm bad in bed

[Silentlyfor]

A girl I had a relationship with ended everything between us because she decided I was bad in bed (a fact I learned secondhand).

 

Problem is, I don't know what to do. I've never had any strong emotional or physical experience with anyone to really become a skilled sexual partner and I wasn't given a second chance to prove myself to this girl; I think she thought I was irredemably bad in bed and overlooked any possibility that I might improve.

 

My partners (I'm a male) was always on top; I've found that this was the only position that would turn me on. My partner would ride me for a while until they became tired. I then hold them closely and thrust very fast; most of the girls I've been with seem to like that. However, that's the problem: man-bottom/girl-top becomes the position we get fixed into and we don't do anything different. And when I ask, they say, "No, this is fine."

 

I guess the ultimate question I'm trying to ask here is "what do women want in bed?" Aside from the doldrum I described above, I've tried other things to get a girl going/satisfied/off: oral pleasure, massaging, dirty talk and vaginal petting. What else can I do?

[Taomagicdragon]

Every woman is different so the responses will follow suit, have a discussion with your partners on what they like.

[bostonbruins24]

I think there were likely other issues as to why she broke it off with you besides you being bad in bed.It sounds like you were willing to please her and try a variety of things.I wouldn't worry about losing her as a girlfriend if that really was the reason she ended it.

[yeawutever]

Wow that must have hurt your ego deeply, I know I would never even dream of saying that my b/f. Yes he would suck several occasions but I went on telling him he was an expert at it when he asked about it. I agree that while some women are very relunctant into revealing that details, others are straight forward/outspoken. It depends on what type of woman you are dating and their likes.

 

Me, I hardly ask anything at all, instead when it comes to what do I want in bed, I don't know, whatever is there, whatever he wants, anything and I never say anything even if it sucks, don't really care that much about whether I have an orgasm or not as long as I'm with the one I love.

[Amasa]

Usually the woman on top is the most satisfying to a woman since they get the most clitoral stimulation.

It sounds like maybe you should just mix it up some. If you only like the woman on top there are several variations on that. Or maybe you could use that as a base position switch to others and then come back. Have you looked at a Kama Sutra book> they have some REally good ideas.

 

And you should have a conversation to see what your partner likes.

[Snoopy24]

Well I don't think one person is the same as to what they want in bed, but I can answer for most woman, we do need to have chemistry. That's the most important thing!

 

I guess as for me personally, I need foreplay, and lots of it. Before you do the actual act you want to get the girl as aroused as possible.

 

for actual intercourse, you can't always be really fast, you have to switch it up. Do different positions, and see how she reacts during each one. You can usually tell if she likes it by her body languange, and if she is vocal.

 

I like talking dirty, and kissing, and things of that sort.

 

But like i said every girl is different, and will like different things. So during the act, try and get a feel of what she likes.

 

As for no no's (for most anyway)

 

Don't bite really hard on nipples or down below(ouch!)

 

Don't go fast, or just "jam" it in if she isn't wet

 

Don't do any butt play unless you know she is into it

 

In missionary, don't put your body weight on her.

 

 

and thats all i can think of for now lol

 

and remember, just bc one girl thinks you were bad in bed, doesn't mean next girl won't think your a sex goddess!

[catfeeder]

Ouch. Awfully sorry for your dilemma. It's not about the mechanics, it's about the connection--whether or not he's using his mind to form simpatico with mine, and if so, the body stuff takes care of itself.

 

I consider the mind to be the most important sex organ. If that's not worked up, then everything else is flat ...and mechanical.

 

In your corner.

[Silentlyfor]

Thank you for the speedy replies.

 

I have spoken to my last ex and she said "of the guys I've slept with, you were the best." But all of her previous partners were one-night-stands; that doesn't leave much to compare to in terms of my ableness in the sack. All round, she was not honest with me.

 

Here's a quest for the guys out there supposing that I insisted that I wanted to be on top: What's the right way to have sex if you are on top? I ask because I find it difficult to keep thrusting after my back gets tired. Is there a way I should hoist the girl up so that it is easier for me to thrust but still leaving it enjoyable for her?

[Snoopy24]

Thank you for the speedy replies.

 

I have spoken to my last ex and she said "of the guys I've slept with, you were the best." But all of her previous partners were one-night-stands; that doesn't leave much to compare to in terms of my ableness in the sack. All round, she was not honest with me.

 

Here's a quest for the guys out there supposing that I insisted that I wanted to be on top: What's the right way to have sex if you are on top? I ask because I find it difficult to keep thrusting after my back gets tired. Is there a way I should hoist the girl up so that it is easier for me to thrust but still leaving it enjoyable for her?

 

If your back gets tired, why not go on your knees to give you support. There are 100's of different types of positions with the guy on type. Why not go to your local bookstore, or even look for something online that shows you the positions.

[Silentlyfor]

If your back gets tired, why not go on your knees to give you support. There are 100's of different types of positions with the guy on type. Why not go to your local bookstore, or even look for something online that shows you the positions.

 

I don't have super-bendable knees. I have the flexibility in both joints of that area like something with rusty hinges.

 

But, I suppose picking up the Karma Sutra wouldn't be a bad idea.

[shikashika]

Well with the guy I'm currently seeing, he had a bit of a low self esteem because apparantley his last girlfriend didn't think he had a nice penis and didn't think he was that great in bed, where as I think he's fabulous in bed and has the nicest penis ever.

 

Sure there are things we can all work on, but don't let this girl ruin your sexual appetite for future partners.

 

It doesn't sound like she had very good communication skills when you were with her, so make sure that you communicate what you want with your next partner.

[catfeeder]

Here's a quest for the guys out there supposing that I insisted that I wanted to be on top: What's the right way to have sex if you are on top? I ask because I find it difficult to keep thrusting after my back gets tired. Is there a way I should hoist the girl up so that it is easier for me to thrust but still leaving it enjoyable for her?

 

There's no single right way, there are lots of ways and you can switch them up.

 

Yes, to the hoisting, or you can use pillows to aid her position. Easier to have her legs up, sometimes together in front of you, sometimes wrapped around you.

 

If your knees are rusty, try taking Glucosamine with Chondroitin supplements for your joints. I'm not kidding, you can feel the difference in a day or two.

 

In your corner.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Try doggy style sex - that's always exciting, and pretty easy for both of you. Her bent over the bed/kneeling and you standing up behind her; easy for you, good for her.

 

I would get awfully bored if it was one position and one position only, no matter how much I liked it, to be honest. And it feels like you're being a bit lazy, lying back and letting your partner do all the work every time!! Vary it, try out different things, see what you like, what she likes, and enjoy it.

 

No one is good/bad in bad by nature, it's just how we learn and experiment, and read the signs from our partners. So long as you're not unselfish and want to please your partner, you should be fine...

[Silentlyfor]

I would get awfully bored if it was one position and one position only, no matter how much I liked it, to be honest. And it feels like you're being a bit lazy, lying back and letting your partner do all the work every time!! Vary it, try out different things, see what you like, what she likes, and enjoy it.

 

Hey! That isn't very nice... It doesn't seem very constructive to label me as 'lazy' when I didn't know any better. I put up this thread to search for way to stop being such a bad lover, not be branded as one.

 

I'm asking for advice to improve my performance. Not to be labelled or insulted.

 

No one is good/bad in bad by nature, it's just how we learn and experiment, and read the signs from our partners. So long as you're not unselfish and want to please your partner, you should be fine...

 

You mean as long as I'm not selfish or I'm unselfish, right? If you apply the double negative rule here, you are, in a roundabout way saying "So long as you're selfish and want to please your partner...".

 

Try doggy style sex - that's always exciting, and pretty easy for both of you. Her bent over the bed/kneeling and you standing up behind her; easy for you, good for her.

 

Well, I would have if she gave me the chance to experiment, I would have. As it turns out, when we broke up, she was claiming that she wasn't trying either. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I think that will help.

[KG]

Communication is key! It's not hard to ask if this is OK?...or would you like to try something different.

 

She sounds shallow.

[Divine_Malice]

communicate. Ask them what they want. I do agree with honey pumpkin one position only, even if it was great I would get bored to. Don't be selfish and ask her what pleases her.

 

So if you can talk to your partner, switch up positions and try to please her then you will be golden. For that is how to be good in bed. Explore together and let each-other know what is best.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Originally Posted by Honey Pumpkin

I would get awfully bored if it was one position and one position only, no matter how much I liked it, to be honest. And it feels like you're being a bit lazy, lying back and letting your partner do all the work every time!! Vary it, try out different things, see what you like, what she likes, and enjoy it.

Hey! That isn't very nice... . It doesn't seem very constructive to label me as 'lazy' when I didn't know any better. I put up this thread to search for way to stop being such a bad lover, not be branded as one.

 

I'm asking for advice to improve my performance. Not to be labelled or insulted.

 

Woah! I took the time to respond to your post, and all I said was you might be being 'a bit lazy' - hardly insulting or nasty, especially when I wrote genuine advice on how to improve. But thanks for the over reaction and also the critique on my grammar - nice.

[Taomagicdragon]

Communication is key! It's not hard to ask if this is OK?...or would you like to try something different.

 

She sounds shallow.

 

Shallow but she was honest inevitably. Communication is important in any facet of a relationship.

[Silentlyfor]

Shallow but she was honest inevitably. Communication is important in any facet of a relationship.

 

No she wasn't. I learned this from someone else. Great gal, eh?

[yeawutever]

No she wasn't. I learned this from someone else. Great gal, eh?

 

Well there're always better ways to say it then be like ''You suck''. I can't do it, no matter how true is it, I guess it's just not in me, then again I don't say much either, can be somewhat shy still LOL.

[Taomagicdragon]

No she wasn't. I learned this from someone else. Great gal, eh?

In that case she wasn't worth your time.

[babii doll]

Wow that must have hurt your ego deeply, I know I would never even dream of saying that my b/f. Yes he would suck several occasions but I went on telling him he was an expert at it when he asked about it.

 

telling him he is an expert at it when he clearly isnt and could learn a thing or two is never good. im not saying tell him "he sucks" either, but ive come in contact with guys who thought they were the best thing ever only to be disappointed in the longrun.

 

i personally think its the women in their past fault for lying(sugar coating) to them about their "skills" instead of being honest about their skills so they could improve, they'd rather let them go on to believe that they're great.

[yeawutever]

telling him he is an expert at it when he clearly isnt and could learn a thing or two is never good.

 

i personally think its the women in their past fault for lying(sugar coating) to them about their "skills" instead of being honest about their skills so they could improve, they'd rather let them go on to believe that they're great.

 

Yea, I guess I don't really ask too much either. I'm ok with the fact that I was enjoying being intimate with him and love him either way, whether I get an orgasm or not. But yea, next time I guess I can vary positions.

[Silentlyfor]

Yea, I guess I don't really ask too much either. I'm ok with the fact that I was enjoying being intimate with him and love him either way, whether I get an orgasm or not. But yea, next time I guess I can vary positions.

 

Ya know, that's interesting. Everytime we slept together I always did my best to sure she reached climax before we were done. In fact... she seemed to cum more than I did... Meh, she probably faked it.

[heaven66]

i myself don't really like it on top...i like missionary, him on top of me, sideways....me on top as last pick...we are not all alike...you have to talk and communicate while having sex...