I cannot decide what i should do with him?

[LOVELOVELOVE]

Hey everyone. I have never had a boyfriend and so I know nothing about relationships. However I met this guy in college that had such a sweet personality. We decided to go for a walk together one weekend and it was so great! During the end of that weekend we told each other how we felt about each other, I said to him that I have a crush on him and he said to me that he really likes me. I bought him a chocolate bar one day and he was delighted so he bought me one. He always visited me at my apartment every night and we would talk for hours. We got along so well and shared common interests. He is a very easygoing guy that could be easily pushed into doing anything. His goal in life is to be very kind. So one night he came to hang with me at my apartment and we were sitting on my bed. We ended up lying next to each other a few minutes later, it just kind of happened. He kept saying how comfortable my bed was and compared it to his bed. He also was cuddling with me. So I asked him if he wanted to sleep in my bed and he said yes. I was really happy. This happened twice. He told me that he was in love with me. We didn't have sex, which would have been a bad idea since we have only known each other for a little over a month. I was very confident in the relationship because we were getting along so well.

 

Then things started going downhill, he told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship two days after we slept in bed the second time. He said that we should be just friends. He said to me that he had unlucky relationships in the past and that he feared that our relationship would not go well even though it was actually going well. He broke up with his ex girlfriend a few months before we met. They had a two year relationship. He always told me how he was annoyed by her however he wants to treat her with respect. He said that he never loved her. I met her a few days after I met him so I knew her before. In the beginning she told me that she was a lesbian and she got over him and then a day after he broke up with me she said that she was still REALLY in love with him and that she wanted to marry him. She is a very clingy person and would constantly pester him. I was very angry around her because I felt like I put myself in a horrible situation, between them. For a few weeks I was very depressed and cried a lot but never made it obvious around him because I didn't want to see him see me hurt by the situation.

 

 

Then I tried to self motivate myself to break free from the love I felt from him and it seemed to be working. I kept telling myself how that it wasn't my fault, I tried to make myself dislike him and run away from him, it was so hard. However, I couldn't resist sending him emails because he was sad when I ignored him. He said that he doesn't have that many friends on campus and that I was one of his only good friends on the campus. He even sat with me during dinner instead with his other friends. During this time I made several new friends, I did it because I was trying to move on from the love I felt for him. Last weekend he went off to his far away home and I stopped emailing and calling him finally. Then on Monday during supper at the cafeteria I was nervous because it was hard to avoid him there, he ended up sitting with me. I was very nervous around him and couldn't figure out why. I was excited to see my new group of friends and so I invited them to sit with me and him. I felt less nervous after that. After supper I went back to my apartment and later that night I went to facebook and started talking to my cousin and he suddenly started to chat with me. He never normally does that. I was so nervous. I really didn't want to be his friend because the more I am around him the more pain I feel and I am always reminded of that pain when I see him, because I still am in love with him.

 

 

I have told him a few days ago that I was thinking about dating other guys and I felt sort of bad because he was still hugging me and rubbing my back whenever he went to my apartment, he seemed to still like me. A day after I told him that, he sat at another table with one of his other friends and I was scared that he was mad at me about saying that to him because he usually sits with me. He told me that he wasn't and asked if he could visit me later to discuss our problems. So he came to my apartment that night and we talked for three hours. I asked him if I really should be dating other guys and he said “go for it.” I was suspicious that he was hiding his emotions. Then I told him how I really feel, I said to him that it hurts to be his friend and that we either start a relationship or cut off all contact. He kept saying “I don't know what to do.” I made a bad decision by telling him that I still have feelings for him and that it is a good idea that we get into a relationship because now I am holding my heart on my sleeve in front of him. He told me that one of his best friends from home urged him to find a new date and he said that I was the one, however he's said that relationships are too much for him now and that they shouldn't be his priority. He still says romantic things like “your skin is soft.” and “You have a good heart”. I am not sure what to do now, it is so hard being his friend because of the love that we shared before and so in my heart I either think we have a relationship of stop talking to one another. He tells me that he would feel horrible if I ran away from him. Please what should I do, because I am still really in love with him, I would feel guilty if I stopped all contact with him.

 

 

i am inspired by music too, are there any songs on this specific subject that i am bringing up?

[bostonbruins24]

I would stop all contact with him.He doesn't seem to want to have a relationship with you but seems to want to be your friend at his convenience with little thought to your feelings.I'd be looking for someone else.

[catfeeder]

He may not intend to be manipulative, but that's exactly what he's doing. He wants it both ways--the ex and you in his life. There's no reason for you to feel guilty about not settling for that.

 

He can't love you if he won't respect you, and manipulation is a form of disrespect. He's taking you for granted--and you're allowing that.

 

Your post presents you as an honest, straightforward person. These are wonderful qualities, and it would be a shame for this relationship to corrupt your openness and make you jaded. You were doing fine when you were trying your best to get over him, and the only thing you left out was adopting a no contact rule for the time being.

 

The guy wanted to get over his ex, and he may have been dating you to do that before she decided she wanted him back--but that's less than you deserve, and you have every right to feel ripped off.

 

I hope you'll act in your own best interests and stop all contact with this guy. Let him finish what he needs to with his ex, and then let him take a good amount of time to get his rebounds out--not with you.

 

Head high, and in your corner.

[LOVELOVELOVE]

the other problem with this guy is that he was really heartbroken by his first first girlfriend before the clingy x girlfriend and now he fears getting in a new relationship with me because he fears being heartbroken or making me heartbroken. i dont know how to feel, even though i am on vacation he still contacts me ONLY on facebook, but never calls me. what should i do? :sad:

[sailacel12]

i'm sure this guy is a charmer and that he's really nice or w/e. but his behavior is very SELFISH. he doesn't want a relationship but he wants to keep you around because he enjoys flirting with you and toying with your feelings.

 

you've already asked him to make up his mind and he's still dancing around the issue.

do you really want to be dating the male version of Meredeth gray?