I would just like to say thanks

[orchidgirl]

I am new here, and five months post-breakup today, after an eight year relationship that ended very abruptly. I never saw it coming. I am not ready to share my experience..... I don't know if I ever will be. I tried to write it all out... but stopped. It is too hard. I am still reeling.

 

I found this place quite by accident a few months ago, and lurk every once in a while. I am finding that the holidays are the hardest.

I feel like I am swimming through mud.

 

I would just like to say thanks to all of you who have shared your experiences. It's nice to have this place to turn to at 2 AM when sleep will not come. While it really sucks to go through this, it is comforting to know that I am not the only one who is feeling this way.

 

I am so sad, and until now, I was a vibrant, joyous, positive person. I have a lot of things going for me.... I have a good job, I make a decent living, I have a wonderful daughter who is the joy of my life..... I have a wonderful extended family, and great friends......but I have a hole in my heart that can't seem to heal.

 

I miss him, and I still love him. I know that I will eventually be fine, but right now...... I am barely breathing, still. Having this forced on me has been excruciating. Some days I am OK, but others, it takes every ounce of energy to put one foot in front of the other.

 

Leona Lewis's song "Better in Time"...... it just makes me cry.

 

I probably should do the no contact thing, but we still talk a few times a week. I am hanging on, but I think maybe I should give up,and just walk away.

 

But he is.......was? such a huge part of my life. The threads of my life are so woven with his, that pulling those threads apart is scary. I am afraid I will completely unravel.

 

I thought he was "it" for me....... I was finally happy.......... this hit me like a train out of no where.

I have had to come to grips with the fact that this man who I handed over my heart to is a cheater and a liar..... and is with someone else now...... but not sure if he wants to be there........ but still........ that is who he is and where he is........ I just wish I knew how to kick his @ss to the curb and out of my life.... but so far... I can't seem to do it.

 

It makes no sense..... my heart is just broken and my soul is completely shattered......... and I used to think I was a strong and confident woman... who did not need a man to define me.... but damn, this has rocked my world and hurt me to the core.

 

I don't know how to pick up and go on.

I keep trying, and do OK for a few days........ and land right back here.

 

I have a great therapist, I am taking anti-depressants, I am trying to take responsibility for my own emotional health and just deal with this... but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.

 

The holidays just make it harder.

 

I hate that I am such a downer, and that this has me on the floor emotionally.

 

I just want to feel better and back to myself.

 

Thanks for listening.

[dreamwarrior]

Hi Orchid,

 

Don't you worry....you will be fine...just get up dust yourself off and RIDE the Wind! Although you may not see it right now you will in time, but truly he is the loser...he cheated and lied to himself and in the end he will come to realize this, perhaps not today or tomorrow, but in time...time oh time has a way of changing everything.

 

And in the end you will come out smelling like that pretty flower in your screen name!

 

Bless you and take care...~dream~

[keefy1972]

Yes, you will be fine. You have alot to be grateful for as I'm sure you know. You have a daughter that you adore, and I see you are like me and live in Florida, so you also are blessed with beautiful weather. But, as far as your situation goes, this man was a big part of your life for a long time. Accepting that this has changed is a huge adjustment. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to "feel over it" in any particular time frame.

 

I do have to say that talking to him a few times a week is really going to hamper your recovery. He is the source of your pain and you can't heal from it when you are constantly reminded of it. The longer you take to break of ties with this man, at least for a while, the longer it's going to take for the healing to really begin.

[orchidgirl]

Thank you both for your quick responses. Yes, he is a cheater and a liar and he is the source of my pain..... it is just so hard to walk away and face reality that what I thought I had and what I had are two very different things.

I tried to go through the motions today - shopping, getting ready for Christmas, while I was fighting off the tears all day, and just going through the motions and trudging through what is now my life. While I have so much to be grateful for in my life, I feel so empty... I am sitting here crying again, and that means that tomorrow, once again, my eyes will be puffy and my head will hurt from crying... and I am mad at myself for not being able to let go.... and just face reality.

I know there is no easy way through this.

[goodkarma_1]

Hi orchidgirl--

 

your not alone. I was in an 8 year relationship with a liar and a cheater and its been 9 months now and i still cant let go. I know its hard, and its shakes you to the core. You almost feel as though you will never be the same again and its scary, i know. But have faith and believe that one day you will be happy again. Its an adjustment and it will take work. He doesn't deserve you, you are beautiful and you are surrounded by positive people in your life...he is negative. As for him being with someone else, i know it sucks and it hurts but let it be...the day when you find someone HE will be hurting next time around, you'll see. I have seen this many times! He will get his, karma is real! I wish you the best. Find comfort knowing that we are all here on ENA for eachother. there are so many caring people on here. I don't know where I'd be without this site. Take care and Happy Holidays. ***Your day will come***

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. I'd definitely consider NC while he's with someone else. This is tough enough without that kind of salt in your wound. Plus, why does he deserve to still stay connected with you when he's with someone else? How will he miss you if you let him have it both ways?

 

In your corner.