Don't do what I did, let them go!!!

[funkymonkey3]

I just wanted to share my story in the hopes that maybe someone out there can relate and maybe heal a little bit faster. My ex broke it off with me last August saying the usual stuff. She suddenly wanted a break when she found out I erased her from my Myspace the next morning. I said no way because I had suspicions of there being another guy. She denied all of it. In hindsight I should have went with my gut because the more I look back at everything the more sense it all makes. I was devastated. The month before our break-up I felt her pulling away and I didn't know exactly why. I tried showing her that I was there for her but the closer I tried to get the more she pulled away.

 

If someone does this let them go! I didn't and I ended up completely humiliating myself in the process. I sent a million text messages and e-mails going back and forth on my feelings. And she responded nearly every single time keeping me safely in her back pocket. I would have completely cut her off and just moved on with my life if she had just told the truth. And she knew that. I let her wean herself off of me making leaving me that much easier for her to do. It wasn't until I came to this forum that I learned about nc. About two weeks before coming here I sent her a very drunken e-mail saying that I had Cancer. I realized the next morning that I had completely hit rock bottom. I wanted to kill myself. I fantasized about how I was going to do it. I would have done and said anything to bring her back to me. She responded with another e-mail saying that she was willing to talk to me and that she was hurt by my news. I ended up telling her that my biopsy came back good and left it at that and fell completely out of her world.

 

I am so ashamed of myself for that. I still can't believe that I would ever say anything like that in a million years. I forgive myself now but it took along time for me to get to this point... I'm currently at 50 days nc. I still have some very hard moments missing her but the more I think about things and how she treated me the more I lose respect and love for her. I was completely faithful to her. I would have died for her and yet I was cast aside and toyed with because she obviously didn't know whether she wanted him or me.

 

It's been four months since she left me. The heat and heartbreak of August are still fresh in my memory. I cried nearly every day until I finally let her go. True love doesn't need any convincing. I've grown stronger and wiser because of what she put me through. I almost want to call her and thank her but I won't give her any more of me. I'm sure she knows I was lying to get her to respond. It doesn't matter anymore... If she called me today I would hang up on her. I met someone that makes her pale in comparison. I had to go through this to be ready for the new one and I'm falling again. Hope my pathetic story helps someone else out there. Let them go. I can't stress that enough. And quit thinking about suicide. Your being geared up for something better! Merry Christmas to all of the broken hearts out there. Stay nc and move on in silence. Don't do what I did. They don't deserve you. Your the prize. Does anyone know of any volunteer work I could do to make up for such a horrible lie? Any suggestions would be helpful.

[doyathink]

LOL you told her you had cancer? Nevermind..it was just a pimple.

Sorry, I know most wont find humor in that...

 

Good to hear you've came so far in your healing. Kiddo's.

[atlanticstar]

Hi FM

 

Thanks for having the guts to share this with us mate.

 

I know that we get desperate and say things that aren't true in the hope that they'll somehow magically come running back. You now know that even telling them that you have cancer (even though you didn't) actually made bugger all difference to the situation as it was.

 

A few relationships ago I thought of doing something similar to test the reaction. I had no idea why I'd even thought about that and we seem to just think crazy stuff when we're hurting so badly. Can only be desperation in my mind.

 

Now you can see (and me too from my last experience) is when they start leaning back or want to finish it, just pickup your stuff and get the hell out of there. Don't give them an inch (I know I certainly won't in future).

 

Heaps of respect from me anyway. I'm glad you're forgiving yourself now and I'm happy for you. We've all done silly and crazy things at some point in our lives. Nobody is a saint!

[jettison]

Could someone please rep this post. I just found out I have cancer and it's my last dying wish. ;-)

 

Ok, for serious, I like this post. I also tend to gravitate toward people who are willing to make fools of themselves, but then feel ok about later. Just under the surface somewhere, we are all you. We have a very tenuous grasp on this life, and our pretenses are often very carefully orchestrated charades. Basically, everything that you've done and everything that you are is ok as long as you're ok with it.

[John Bendix]

Could someone please rep this post. I just found out I have cancer and it's my last dying wish. ;-)

 

Ok, for serious, I like this post. I also tend to gravitate toward people who are willing to make fools of themselves, but then feel ok about later. Just under the surface somewhere, we are all you. We have a very tenuous grasp on this life, and our pretenses are often very carefully orchestrated charades. Basically, everything that you've done and everything that you are is ok as long as you're ok with it.

 

Sorry Jettison, but this post hit me funny. How can pretenses be anything but charades?

 

When you say that everything done and is, is OK. Well, I do not see it quite that way. If your actions and reactions cause you suffering.........Saying that everything is OK is again a judgment. Only the ego finds the need to judge. Judgment, good or bad, does not change what has happened or is happening. It just is what it is.

 

If you are saying that accepting how things in the past were done and how things are right now, then I agree. But this takes the ego out of it. If you, the being inside has accepted everything as it is, I see it that way too. But if just because the ego believes it to be Ok, that does not mean that much to me. I leave judgment to a higher authority and even He may not choose to judge.

[thejigsup]

I hope karma doesn't get you for the cancer thing. I've been almost that desperate when I was younger, but I never wanted to tempt the fates with that line.

[funkymonkey3]

Yeah, I hope so too. I thought of that the next day when I was sober. I actually convinced myself that I would take the karma if by me saying that meant the lines of communication would re-open. It's so strange the things we would do or say for love. It took alot for me to get to a point where I would share this on here. I hope that I haven't offended anyone that does have it. I pray that my punishment will only be my shame.

[waveseer]

I know what it feels like to want someone that badly. I'm so glad you're healing.

[catfeeder]

I'm impressed with you for posting this. Please don't turn all superstitious about the cancer thing. You're being kind enough to post about it, and that can't be easy.

 

I hope your story will influence even one person to spare themselves from engaging emotional manipulation. At least you didn't threaten her with suicide--that's as mean as it gets. I've had the daylights scared out of me with that, and while on one hand I want to forgive, I'll probably resent him forever--when I can stand to even think of him.

 

Thanks for your story.

[doyathink]

Yeah, I hope so too. I thought of that the next day when I was sober. I actually convinced myself that I would take the karma if by me saying that meant the lines of communication would re-open. It's so strange the things we would do or say for love. It took alot for me to get to a point where I would share this on here. I hope that I haven't offended anyone that does have it. I pray that my punishment will only be my shame.

 

Ya know, we've all done things we're not proud of. Don't beat yourself up for it. We do desperate things when we feel desperate. No one can judge you for be human.

[lia86]

It wasn't until I came to this forum that I learned about nc. About two weeks before coming here I sent her a very drunken e-mail saying that I had Cancer. I realized the next morning that I had completely hit rock bottom. I wanted to kill myself. I fantasized about how I was going to do it. I would have done and said anything to bring her back to me. She responded with another e-mail saying that she was willing to talk to me and that she was hurt by my news. I ended up telling her that my biopsy came back good and left it at that and fell completely out of her world.

 

Just found this thread, and this part made me laugh for a good minute straight... only because I can relate. Oh how I can relate.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah i said stupid stuff to that I wish I didn't. I think in one heated conversation back and forth I said I felt like killing myself...why i would say that, I have no clue but it's like you want to say anything that will get some kind of compassion from them...then you think after. wow, that was smooth and I feel like an idiot.