Am i overthinking things here?.

[Red_flower]

Hey guys,.. a bit of good advice wont go amiss here as im confused 1

 

well, here goes. I met this guy a couple of weeks back, a musician, saw him performing live at a small venue and we smiled at each other, talked for a bit etc,. justa bit of harmless flirting, didnt think anything would come out of it. I watched him play for a while and he looked like he was having a good time,. I could tell he was really passionate about his music. At the end i went up to talk to him again, we exchanged numbers etc.

Anyway 4 dates and two weeks later we're still seeing each other,. we;ve decided we want to take things slow and see where things go. If no relationship comes out of it, we still want to be friends. He's being a perfect gentleman, I couldnt fault him if I tried. We spent today alone together at his place,watching movies and talking. Nothing overtly sexual happened, kissing and cuddling at the end. He tells me my company is enough, he just wants to get to know me and doesnt want to rush sexual things now.

we both like each other.

HOWEVER

 

Im playing hot and cold. Not because i want to,.. because im not as atteracted to him physically as i have been to other guys. I mean he's not ugly by any means,.im comfortable kissing and cuddling etc but i have dated guys ive felt more physical atteraction to. I feel soooo bad for thinking this way, I cant say it doesnt cross my mind. he is obvioulsy atteracted to me and compliments me each time we meet.

Personality wise,. we are a good match from what I know of him so far. He came out of a long term relationship earlier this year, i came out of one in the summer so we're both not in a rush for anything which is great. I admire his passsion for his music. Im an artist myself and i too am passionate about my work.

Im glad he wants to go at the same pace as me but also concerned that him wanting to take things slow means im ok till something better comes along??

 

I dont know whether to friendzone him (talk to him over a cofee) and save both of us all the hassle or wait a couple more weeks?

Anyway, I have the rest of the week to decide as he's out of the country for a week.

 

Im new to this because in my past two relationships, we has sex pretty early into things 3-4 weeks. Maybe thats why things didnt work out and now i dont know what to do with a guy who wants to take it slow ??

Or am i just being extra picky here?

 

I know im contradicting myself here, but any thoughts guys? or am i just thinking things over waay to much?

 

ANY advice/thoughts?,... please share x

[alli]

The more I get to know a person & like what I discover, the more attracted to them I become. I wouldn't discard him just yet. Maybe the sparks aren't flying with him like the others because you haven't slept with him. Not that I'm saying you should do it right now, it's just a thought. A lot of people become more attached to a person after they are intimate with them.

 

Look at it this way, if he wanted to rush things, would you think he might just be using you for sex? But if he wants to take it slow, it means he doesn't like you enough to sleep with you? Either way that logic points to him not really liking you. Just something to think about. You've only known him for 2 weeks. I think its kind of a good thing that he's not rushing things.

 

If you end up realizing you don't really have strong enough feelings for him, so be it. But I'd give it more of a chance. What have you got to lose?

[PsychGirly]

4 dates isn't really enough for you to determine the different types of chemistry & make a decision based on that. You can be sexually, physically, emotionally, & in many other ways, attracted to someone.

 

I agree with alli. It could be because you haven't rushed into things with him sexually, so you feel like there's no sexual chemistry.

 

Also, it sounds like he may be a little insecure, too. He says he wants to take things slow & just know you for now--whereas you're used to rushing things physically to build the spark.

 

I'd wait it out a little, since you say you guys are compatible & he's a good guy. I wouldn't drop him yet. Just give him some time to get more comfortable around you, & if you still feel like that "spark" isn't there, then don't waste your time.

[Red_flower]

Thanks for all the advice guys,. ive been thikning about it

Another thing i didnt add previously was that I find that im more assertive than him. I'll give an example,

HE wanted to kiss me and kept telling me,. i said to him , just kiss me then, and he didnt for 20 mins so i just continued watching the movie.

 

I like a guy who's assertive and not afraid to go for what he wants.,.. not only in the bedroom department. Ive been through a lot of ups and downs this year and im re-inventing myself, I dont want any drama that could be avoided. . Thing is I wont mind being with him or not being with him. Have you ever felt like this when dating someone? I mean arent you meant to be thinking of them a lot etc?? i dont know.....

[Truth317]

Thanks for all the advice guys,. ive been thikning about it

Another thing i didnt add previously was that I find that im more assertive than him. I'll give an example,

HE wanted to kiss me and kept telling me,. i said to him , just kiss me then, and he didnt for 20 mins so i just continued watching the movie.

 

I like a guy who's assertive and not afraid to go for what he wants.,.. not only in the bedroom department. Ive been through a lot of ups and downs this year and im re-inventing myself, I dont want any drama that could be avoided. . Thing is I wont mind being with him or not being with him. Have you ever felt like this when dating someone? I mean arent you meant to be thinking of them a lot etc?? i dont know.....

 

Doesn't sound like he's about any drama, maybe he's just a little indecisive about his intentions.

[Red_flower]

cmon guys

 

im sure i can get more replies that these!

Im seeing him 4 days and thats when i decide whether or not we should go ahead,..

 

Im in two minds about his?

Any sucess stories about slow-start relationships? lol