Just because im young doesnt make me unfit to be a mother.

[suzexxx]

It really angers me when people ask me why i want a baby at the age of 20!

 

I believe i can be a good mother. I have a good job, my partner has an even better paid job and we've both got loving families and friends. Im also a young, fit and healthy. I dont want to be a older mum, i want to be still young when my children are teenagers.

 

I dont agree with people having children to live off the state either. If i do ever get pregnant, i will provide 100% for my child by going out daily and working 9/10hour shifts, whatever it takes to give my child a good life.

 

Rant over.

 

x

[hmdreamer7]

In a society where more women are having kids at a later age, you've probably run into those questions a lot. Good for you for sticking to your guns, and more power to you!!

[itsallgrand]

Are you pregnant? Trying?

[lana111]

being 20 doesnt make you unfit...

 

just that 20 year old you may have very different feelings/ideals than 30 year old you...

 

not to say youd wait till 30, but what im just trying to say that 20 is fairly young to make life changing choices. not saying you cant make good choices at that age, but its still pretty young in the big picture. id wait just a couple more years. enjoy the single child free life a lil bit lounger. waiting till 22 or 23 to have kid wouldnt make you an old mom in the least, so why not wait a lil.

 

but you are an adult and may do what you decide! if you know what you want, go for it.

[alli]

I think if you know you want them now, that decision isn't going to change. Just the fact that you are 20 means you could not have possibly at a well-paying job for more than a few years, which means you probably don't have a lot in savings. I highly recommend you compute what your income will be when you are not working (at least temporarily) & the cost of providing the needs of a child, including day care... for the next 5 years. Day care can be so outrageously expensive, you would be surprised if you don't already know.

 

You know you want them & that's great, I wouldn't deny that. It's just the money thing. I've got some savings & my bf has a well-paying job but I still don't feel like I would be able to support a child now without going into debt!

[shikashika]

Well I think the reason why older (than you) people say that is because they know how much they changed from when they were 20 years old.

 

I know I did.

 

And, at 20, I thought i was so grown up and mature. Now I see I wasn't.

 

Also, I don't think working 9/10 hour days when you have a young child is very good parenting.

 

Its not just about finances, it's about being able to support your child and offer then wisdom and support.

 

Also, I wouldn't want my children to have a mum who has no life experience, which I wouldn't have if I just went from being a teenager to a mum.

 

Thats my opinion on it.

 

Whatever makes you happy.

[itsallgrand]

You will miss out on the chance to have time to yourself to be exploring who you are, growing, and living without the huge responsibility of raising a child.

 

I don't think that if you are, or were to choose, to have children at 20 it would necessarily mean you wouldn't be a good mom.

 

But this is my opinion only - I think it's a luxury we have now to be able to choose to hold off having children until we, as women, have had a chance to have the time to live life just being our own person and nurturing that, before trying to raise up and nurture a little person full time.

 

I think it would be cheating yourself more than anything.

 

Even if you waited 5 years, you would by no means be "an old mom". But you would have had 5 years to run free and grow - and I think that is a huge benefit to kids, to have parents who have had that opportunity in life.

 

It's the sort of thing I personally feel when a woman such as yourself expresses she is wanting to have kids right away, I always end up thinking "why NOT wait?". To me, it seems like a rush for no reason.

[lady00]

I think people ask because a lot of people don't want to have children at 20 so that is where the questions and the curiosity come from. I don't think you should take it to heart as an insult. And waiting a few years won't make you "old" when your kids are teenagers either. I personally don't see the need to rush motherhood.

[suzexxx]

Fair enough everyone has great comments.

 

I am not pregnant at the moment, i wouldnt say we are trying for a baby as such (as in im not counting down the days til i next ovulate or having sex at a certain time of day lol), if it happens it happens. However if it did happen i would be over the moon and i'd be prepared.

 

I think there are pros and cons of being a young and older mum. I just prefer to be a younger one.

 

x

[shikashika]

I think it's important to have post secondary education, have some life experience and work experience, life experience, travel experience before you have a child

 

 

One thing that confuses me is when people say they dont' wan to be an older mum because of their fitness level at that age, but that's really up to the mother. I know plenty of people my mother's age ( in their 60s) who are WAAAAAAAY more fit than many women in their twenties.

 

It's up to the mother to make sure she keeps fit and looks after herself. If she lets herself go, it's her own fault.

 

So the I-need-the-energy-to-look-after-my-child-so-I'll-have-the-child-when-I'm-youger argument to me, just means the mum isn't interested in keeping fit as she gets older.

 

If you have no interest in traveling or being on your own, then go for it!

 

everyone has different goals and expectations in thier lives.

[lady00]

OP, did you go straight from high school to work?

[suzexxx]

Nope i went to college and i got my A-levels and i now work full time, although the A-levels i did have no relevance to the job i do.

 

x

[lady00]

Nope i went to college and i got my A-levels and i now work full time, although the A-levels i did have no relevance to the job i do.

 

x

 

Hmm...not sure I understand. What are A levels?

[suzexxx]

Oh and also i have every interest in keeping myself fit and healthy. I currently go to the gym 3 times a week and i would like to keep that up. I know its important to keep myself healthy as my dads side of the family have all had heart troubles in their late 40s/early 50s.

 

x

[suzexxx]

A-Levels are what you do at college after you do your GCSE's in high school. I live in the UK so it may be different where you are from.

 

x

[lady00]

A-Levels are what you do at college after you do your GCSE's in high school. I live in the UK so it may be different where you are from.

 

x

 

Yeah...sounds a lot different...I'm in the US...so after high school I went to college and got a bachelor's degree (4 yrs) and now I am in graduate school.

 

I am wondering: do you think it will make a big difference if you start having kids now vs. if you wait 5-7 yrs?

[suzexxx]

Well basically i did further education after high school. I didnt just go straight to work. x

[savignon]

My sister had a baby at 24 and is an excellent mother! I would not have been a good mother at that age but she is just superb and has since had a second child. I probably won't be a mother until I'm 35 or so and that's when I'll be able to confidently enter motherhood and be excited about it. Everybody is different and I think your willingness and enthusiasm are more important than age. That being said, it's important to the child that you're emotionally stable, have means to provide and an education. I am very well educated but will probably be inept at helping with math homework by the time they're in 3rd grade...uh oh!

Best wishes!!

[shikashika]

do you want to continue on to university after you do your A-levels? if you want a higher paying job, or mroe job prospects, you will probably need to futher your education.

 

College in the US means university... in England college is the same age as people in Canada do in grade 11 and grade 12. Even though it's more specialised as you pick what you want to do.

 

I'm half English, my mum is English and did some of my schooling in England.

 

You sound like a smart person and I just hope that if you get pregnant now you don't put off going to university (if you even want to go.....) at a time when its easier to do so

[suzexxx]

Im not really sure what i want to do as a career to be honest with you. Im currently a store manager in retail, i earn pretty decent money and the job does have prospects. I enjoy working there because i enjoy fashion. However i dont want to go to uni to do something that i may not use in the future and over here in England you can expect to be in around 12k worth of debt by the time you leave.

 

At college i studied health and social care, german, stuart history and maths and i havent really used this much.

 

x

[annie24]

Fair enough everyone has great comments.

 

I am not pregnant at the moment, i wouldnt say we are trying for a baby as such (as in im not counting down the days til i next ovulate or having sex at a certain time of day lol), if it happens it happens. However if it did happen i would be over the moon and i'd be prepared.

 

I think there are pros and cons of being a young and older mum. I just prefer to be a younger one.

 

x

 

definitely - like you said - there are pros and cons. the pros will be that you'll have more energy to keep up with the kids, you'll be young - and there are definitely some health benefits to having children early. waiting until your late 30s can make it harder to get pregnant also.

 

on the cons - you might miss some 'growing up' yourself. you can't go out and party, your life won't be your own anymore. other people your age may spend a summer backpacking through europe, obviously, having a baby might make that hard.

 

good luck!

[lady00]

 

College in the US means university... in England college is the same age as people in Canada do in grade 11 and grade 12.

 

Oh ok, thanks for clarifying that...I wasn't sure what the differences were.

 

In that case, I would wonder why the OP would not to go to university before getting pregnant.

[lady00]

Im not really sure what i want to do as a career to be honest with you. Im currently a store manager in retail, i earn pretty decent money and the job does have prospects. I enjoy working there because i enjoy fashion. However i dont want to go to uni to do something that i may not use in the future and over here in England you can expect to be in around 12k worth of debt by the time you leave.

 

At college i studied health and social care, german, stuart history and maths and i havent really used this much.

 

x

 

When I read this, I was thinking...how nice it would be to only be 12K in debt lol (well, I guess it would be around 18,000 US dollars...but still...I will have way more than that by the time I graduate)

 

I think that you are right--debt sucks. But I guess it all depends what you want to end up doing. For me taking on a lot of debt just part of the process of getting to where I want to be careerwise and now I have a job lined up that will allow me to pay it off.

 

It sounds like you are happy with your job and the prospects and don't want to go to university. So I can see why you might want to have a child sooner rather than later since you're done with your education. But what about simply enjoying your relationship for a few years before having kids?

[laisla]

not everyone follows the same "life story" that people say should be experienced....OP, if you think your life circumstances and you and your partner's maturity levels are balanced enough for a child...then i wish you the best of luck and support for children

[redhearts]

I will just never understand how bf/gfs try to have kids. I know marriage is a big step and its not for everyone. But if your down the line seeing yourself get married, but aren't ready, yet ready to have a kid? I do not understand that!!!

 

I just seem to think younger females who want to have kids may have them for the wrong reasons, thinks their cute, it'll save/help their relationship, it'll be easy etc. You have to have a strong realationship built on a strong foundation to be married or have kids. You have to be financially stable and have money saved for emergencies, you never know if you'll lose your job no matter how secure you think it is.

 

link removed

 

^^ sometimes people don't know the reality of having a baby. They may think its all fun and games. They don't expect it to be as hard, thinking it will be difficult or their children will be different. Most people have no idea, you won't know if your baby is going to scream and cry all the time or be a silent one. Or if they will throw fits all over the stores or be calm and polite. Everyone probably thinks their baby will be different, but they only have half control I believe. I think genes has to do with some of it.

 

Have you seen that link on here someone posted? About how your body looks AFTER a baby. That is another thing I think some people do it at a young age because they think they can get back in shape faster because they young factor.