NC, Christmas card?

[Redsox2545]

So after another meeting with my psychotherapist yesterday he gave me a possible suggestion. He mentioned possibly sending a Christmas card with a light saying such as "Thinking of you. Hoping that you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year."

 

This is because I have had no contact with her in the past two weeks basically by her choice. If you want the back story check out my thread "deeply depressed". I last tried to contact her on Dec. 11th but to no avail. Ultimately I want to try to work things through and I'm doing what I can to get my life back in order after a catastrophe and show express I know how I was needy and insecure when I really shouldn't have been.

 

I don't know if this is a good idea or if I should just continue with no contact. I was going to wait until mid January and if she didn't contact me, I would give her a phone call.

 

What are your thoughts?

[High5girl]

I haven't read your other thread about her, but if she didn't want any contact from you....that means just that. No contact. No card. No call.

Sending her a Christmas card may be seen as a way to make contact with her. If you get no reply from her? Then what? It might leave you upset and hurt or wondering why she didn't say anything about the card.

I'd leave it be.

[ErikT]

I haven't read your orignal post either, but if your psychotherapist suggested sending her a card, I would give it a shot.

 

The're the expert, right?

[High5girl]

After reading the original story about the break up, I still would not send her a card. she hasn't been replying to your attempts to make contact. She said it was over and wanted space. Best bet is to respect her wishes until she makes contact with you first.

[auburnslp]

I have to agree with the lady above...I am frankly surprised that your therapist gave you that advice...but I am not a therapist, so who am I to question it I guess...but I would leave it alone...give her the space and time she requested, and then, a few months down the road possibly, a harmless contact, but right now, so soon, seems to be a huge mistake and will likely only cause you more pain.

[dreamguy]

Don't send a card and don't call. It's been more than 9 days since you last contacted her on Dec. 11th but she didn't get back to you, did she ?

 

You say you want to send a card saying "Thinking of you..."

She already knows you can't stop thinking about her because you are still trying to get in touch although she isn't responding. And the mere act of sending a card means you are thinking about her and you miss her.

 

I think the best thing you can hope for (if you send a card) is to get a reply saying "Thanks. You are so kind. Merry Christmas".

Then what ? Where would that leave you ? Nowhere.

Where would that leave her ? She will, once more, get the certainty that you are still thinking about her all the time and you cannot get over her.

She will know she can still have you whenever she wants and this won't really make you an attractive option.

 

You say you want to show her that you understand how you have been needy and insecure when you really shouldn't have been.

The best way to do that is to simply disappear. Especially because she is ignoring your contact attempts. Show her with your acts.

[Redsox2545]

Thank you all for your thoughts. The more I think about it, it seems to become a worse and worse option although it's tempting to do.

 

 

 

You make a lot of sense with your post. I guess I would be expecting too much. Hopeful thinking I guess. I'm guessing that expecting a phone call would be too much....

 

I just don't want to give it too much time for her to just get on every day without me easily and wait too long...

 

I'm fearing that I'll never talk to her again and she'll find someone else. She still has stuff of mine but I guess that's something I could always use as an excuse down the road if I need to to try and talk with her.

[auburnslp]

"I just don't want to give it too much time for her to just get on every day without me easily and wait too long...

 

I'm fearing that I'll never talk to her again and she'll find someone else."

And here is the real issue. You are attempting to control something that is completely out of your control. And I can promise you this-there is not a single Christmas card, or phone call, or text message, that will change her mind. All those things will do is make her run faster, farther.

 

It won't work brother. Believe me, I've been there. Start to envision life without her. It's only when you are healed, a long time from now, and have already moved past her, it's funny, but it's then, on a chance meeting, when you might find rekindled interest on her part. But not now.

 

Let her be, take the time to heal. And begin to move on.

[crab62]

I totally agree with what you are saying... that it's absolutely out of our control. Good advice... as it hard for alot of us to hear...

[dreamguy]

I'm fearing that I'll never talk to her again and she'll find someone else.

 

You have to realize that keeping in touch with her or, in your case, constantly contacting her although she is not replying will certainly not stop her from dating someone else IF that's what she wants to do.

 

It's not because you don't talk to her that she might find someone else. Those are two completely independent things.

[purpleJ]

I was gonna say no dont do it but i agree with the therapist

I doubt she/he would have suggested it...i have been in therapy after break up too..my guess is you kinda hinted it and they said yeah you could?

i think you should..youre still in the denial stage and that might help you move on from here..just do it prepared knowing most likely u will get no respond and if even so it just be a thank you..so it will hurt