What would you do if you got a girl pregnant?

[rosstheboss]

Hi

This is really a question for the guys out there so; if you were to accidentally get a girl pregnant who you knew you didn't want to have it with, what would you do?

 

2 of my friends were seeing girls who fell pregnant. They both decided to get a house together and move in because "it's the honourable thing to do". Now they are the most miserable poor recluses I've ever known!

 

Now I firmly believe that it takes 2 to tango. But it always seems that it's the girl's choice in this situation and if the guy leaves her for it then he's the bad guy. Why is this?? I think the fact that she's keeping it and forcing the guy to be with her makes her the baddie. You should only be with someone because you want to, not because you have to (or feel it's honourable).

[Mythical_Suicide]

I have always saw it as you don't have to be with someone you don't want to be with just because you have a child with however when you had sex with that person you knew the risks and if the girl does get pregnant and doesn't believe it abortion then it was the risk you took and while you don't need to be with the girl, you need to take care of the child. Maybe it isn't really fair but I mean it's the bed you make when you have sex (even just using condom or Birth control). You don't need to be with that person just to take care of the child you created. That's just my opinion though and you may not care seeing how i'm not a male.

[HeartGoesOn]

I believe that if people feel they are responsible enough to have sex, they have to also be responsible enough to know that there's always a chance for a pregnancy to occur.

 

All options as to what to do if one becomes pregnant, should be discussed before having sex.

[lana111]

total agreeance that its takes two...

 

but the reason it tends to fall on the girl is bc its growing in her body. if she decided to keep it, she cant walk away from it. also even after the baby is born its unlikely for the mother to just walk away/give it up, but its easier for the man to do so (in most cases) bc he hasnt birthed the child and gone through all that.

 

yea, its gonna look bad. thats why in theory you shouldnt be having sex w/ somone you dont see a future with, of course for many (including me) thats just plain crazy.

 

no, you shouldnt be with someone bc you have to, it should only be bc you want to.

 

i think what they shoudl have done in this situation is if these girls werent "the ones" they should have continued their relationship as it has been and devote their time, love, and money to these children. i think moving in bc its "honorable" is not the answer.

[Mythical_Suicide]

i think moving in bc its "honorable" is not the answer.

 

 

I agree completely. While it may seem like the best thing, it usually ends up being the worst. So much resentment ends up going towards the children.

[Lights]

I just posted a new thread about talking to your partner. Please read it, my opinion is in there.

[rose2summer]

I do think the man should move in and care for the baby.

 

Why does the women get "trapped" and the man gets to walk away scotch free.

 

Only in the US is there so much freedom in this area.

 

No matter what though, the man is going to end up paying child support when he leaves and that's no small amount of money.

 

I think more responsibility should fall on both parties, so that it's equal work for each.

 

You play, YOU pay, it's that simple.

[Mythical_Suicide]

 

No matter what though, the man is going to end up paying child support when he leaves and that's no small amount of money.

 

 

Unfortunately child support can only be enforced so far, they threaten jail but very rarely do they follow through with it if it isn't paid. So even child support isn't guaranteed, it's crappy.

[lana111]

I agree completely. While it may seem like the best thing, it usually ends up being the worst. So much resentment ends up going towards the children.

 

resentment is the PERFECT word. eventhough two people made they baby, if its unplanned, they may be a ton of resentment.

 

many time the girl feels resntment bc she feels the guy got her pregnant and that he is not being everything she would want in a father.

 

he feels resentment bc the girl ultimately makes the choice that affects him but he doesnt want to be the a$$.

 

they end up resenting the child bc its a symbol of the moment their lives changed, against their wishes/thoughts.

 

not that this will be the case. my friend got knocked up at 19 with her on again off again bf. he begged and pleaded and cried for her to have an abortion. she couldnt do it. she was a wild child, but made a total change. he was angry about it for years, but now its been 7 years later and he has turned into a great dad.

[rose2summer]

Unfortunately child support can only be enforced so far, they threaten jail but very rarely do they follow through with it if it isn't paid. So even child support isn't guaranteed, it's crappy.

 

Isn't it a felony if they don't pay though?

 

The guys I know who are required to pay child support have it taken from their employee checks and their bosses are legally required to remove it before giving them their check.

 

I am surprised people can get away with it.

[Mythical_Suicide]

It's really sad but that is how it ends in so many cases. The child ends up paying for the parents "mistakes".

 

 

 

They can get in trouble but rarely do.

My son's father went quite awhile without paying child support and nothing ever happened to him even though they had his current address, phone number and everything they never even went after him. They had more important stuff to worry about (Exactly what they told me..)

 

As for it being taken out of his check, I know so many guys who do work under the table or are in good with their employers so their pay is knocked down so they don't have to pay so much in support. Even then when it's taken out of your check you aren't going to get even a quarter of what you need to help raise a child. It's so sad because like I said before, it is usually the child who pays for it.

[rose2summer]

They can get in trouble but rarely do.

My son's father went quite awhile without paying child support and nothing ever happened to him even though they had his current address, phone number and everything they never even went after him. They had more important stuff to worry about (Exactly what they told me..)

 

As for it being taken out of his check, I know so many guys who do work under the table or are in good with their employers so their pay is knocked down so they don't have to pay so much in support. Even then when it's taken out of your check you aren't going to get even a quarter of what you need to help raise a child. It's so sad because like I said before, it is usually the child who pays for it.

 

Wow, I am really surprised, I guess it's an honors system.

 

Kudos to you for still raising your child despite the father being MIA.

[waveseer]

This happenned to me in my 20's and it was not such a huge deal, probably because we were a bit older than many surprize pregnancies. I chose adoption and he agreed. His only other option was to raise the child himself. I don't think this ever crossed his mind, he was too busy being happy that he wouldn't have to pay child support for 18 years. We were both against abortion, that was just dumb luck. My mother pressured me to get an abortion, I got as far away from her as possible. I met my daughter a year and a half ago, she's fantastic and we got along very well. I have no regrets, none.

[auburnslp]

To me-it's simple. If you have become a father-doesn't matter if you intended on being with the mother at all-even if it's a one-night-stand...you are still the father. Doesn't mean necessarily that you have to marry the mother. That would be ideal if it could be a good healthy marriage. But if not, you are still a father, and you are obligated to provide for your child-physically, financially, and emotionally. It's your son or daughter. And as one who has devoted his life to raising two boys-I fought for and won custody of my 5 and 3 year old sons in my divorce-I cannot even begin to see relevance in any other answer to this question.

[Jelina]

Why would you think that? I think a woman should have the choice on whether or not the baby should be aborted or not. The child is in her stomach and she is the one who will have to deal with the emotional and physical issues of aborting. If the guy doesn't want to be with her because she is pregnant, even when she decides to keep the baby, it is still his choice whether or not he wants to stay with her. No one is forcing him to stay with her. However, since it does take 2 to tango, he still has to support the child even if he is not willing to be in the mothers life.

 

I know if I were to get pregnant and my boyfriend would tell me that he would leave me if I kept the baby, or wouldn't stay with me, I would leave him and keep the child. There is no way I would kill a baby to make someone else happy.

[Anonymous122]

I dunno about it not being enough to raise a child with. Maybe if you slept with an extremely unsuccessful guy, which is an unfortunate risk that many people take.

 

One of my good friends has two children with his now-ex wife and he pays $1000/month to her for each child, as per the court order. He also makes almost $80,000/yr. Child support is only unhelpful if you've been selecting men with jobs instead of careers, which is an unfortunate consequence of not evaluating your partner in their entirety. $2000 per month on top of the mother working a full time job is plenty of money to raise two children, it's way more than enough.

 

I'm very traditional. If I got a girl pregnant I would marry her before the child was born and I would move in with her. I would be a good husband and a good father, and I would never even consider what could have been. That's what the people in my life would expect from me, and that's what I would do. It's not an ideal situation, but people, both men and women, have to take responsibility for their choices. They chose to have sex and a child was produced. Once you have a child, your wants and desires come second to the well being of that child.

 

I'm a very big stickler on preventing the development of a child, though. I enjoy sex, but I don't enjoy it enough that i'll risk my future in order to obtain it. I don't have casual sex, and I won't have sex with a partner who isn't on depo provera.

[auburnslp]

and-my sons are 17 and 13 now...and they are good boys...respectful, great grades, etc. I just don't understand the viewpoint that so many men have that leads them to think that it's not their problem. It's disgusting to me. My sons are, without a doubt, my greatest pride, and yet, also my greatest admiration-I cannot take credit for all that they are-much of that comes from within themselves. But I can say this-I have given them their foundation. And I am so proud of that. I cannot imagine just walking away from your own child.

[Amasa]

I think all of what your saying is a little skewy. You shouldn't be having sex period if you haven't decided what you are going to do if you get the girl pregnant. You don't want to have a baby??? There are things you can do that are 100% effective.

And if you don't want to go semi-permanent than you can ask questions like R u on birth control? And I'm gonna wear a condom just to be safe.

 

I think that we as a society let men get away with way to much. Those girls didn't fall pregnant, they got pregnant by your friends. WHo I bet, were doing something wrong since birthcontrol is pretty effective. Men should have the same responsibilities as women when it comes to children. Why should the man get to leave another single mom out there struggling to do it by herself because he's not feeling it? She doesn't get to ditch the kids because she's not feeling it.

I get that sometimes it doesn't work out. and sometimes the split is best. But if you get a girl pregnant I think you are obligated to try and make it work. And if it doesn't you are still obligated to not only pay for your kid you are obligated to help raise the kid and to help the mom as much as you possibly can.

But even at that maybe your friends who bought houses and did the honorable thing aren't unhappy recluses. Maybe because they have kids now they would rather stay home and play with them. Maybe they look unhappy to you when really they just grew up?

I don't mean that in a bad way. Before you have kids and responsibilities you should go out and have a good time. But when you have kids you realize how meaningless and trivial the party scene is.

 

I'll get off my soap box now.

[ErikT]

Why would you think that? I think a woman should have the choice on whether or not the baby should be aborted or not. The child is in her stomach and she is the one who will have to deal with the emotional and physical issues of aborting.

 

I know if I were to get pregnant and my boyfriend would tell me that he would leave me if I kept the baby, or wouldn't stay with me, I would leave him and keep the child. There is no way I would kill a baby to make someone else happy.

 

I agree mostly, but I think that the father should have equal say into the decision to have an abortion. Obviously, they don't have the pyhsical issues, but we have the mental and emotional issues.

 

I totally disagree with the concept of abortion (except in some case - danger to the mother, rape, incest, etc) however if society is going to accept it, both parents should have to consent to it.

[Jelina]

I agree mostly, but I think that the father should have equal say into the decision to have an abortion. Obviously, they don't have the pyhsical issues, but we have the mental and emotional issues.

 

I totally disagree with the concept of abortion (except in some case - danger to the mother, rape, incest, etc) however if society is going to accept it, both parents should have to consent to it.

 

 

I think that the father should have a say when it comes to abortion, for example if he wants to keep the baby but the woman doesn't. But in my opinion it would be horrible to force a mother to have an abortion just because the father doesn't want the baby.

[Raistlin]

My buddy and his gf got pregnant 3 weeks after they started dating. It was completely unexpected and neither of them had the means to have a child at the time.

 

Instead of giving up or bailing, they made it work. They are now happily married, and they have a beautiful son who is 4 months old.

 

EDIT: He is 20 and she is 22

[ErikT]

I think that the father should have a say when it comes to abortion, for example if he wants to keep the baby but the woman doesn't. But in my opinion it would be horrible to force a mother to have an abortion just because the father doesn't want the baby.

 

I agree. The father should NOT be able to force abortion. He SHOULD be able to stop an abortion if he wants to keep the child.

[Amasa]

I don't think a man should be able to stop the abortion if he wants the kid.

I'm not an oven. How could you make a woman go through all the sickness, body stretching, ohh and Labor for a kid she doesn't want. That's insane. And what if she wanted to go drink or do drugs while she was pregnant with kid she didn't want??? That whole scenario is crazy.

It's a nice thought, but in any kind of real practice?

 

I'm all for equal rights, but my body, my choice.

[ErikT]

Than why should the father be forced to pay for a child he doesn't want?

 

Your body, your choice - with consequences for others...

 

It is totally a double standard.

[Amasa]

You Chose not to wear a condom or get a catarized vasectomy.

That is where your choice ends.

 

 

It is a double standard. But putting that kind of imposition on a woman just because you want a baby???

 

And the bigger picture is that a baby needs both parents. If you want a baby you should go get a wife and have one with her. Not make some one-night- stand be pregnant against her will and then hand the baby over to you. That's not good for the kid.

 

We have a whole epidemic of men not being able to be fathers and walking out. What happens when the guy can't handle it? Where does the baby go then??? The only thing sadder than an aborted baby is an unwanted, untaken care of one.