Whats going on here?

[lana111]

I gave my bf a card the other day for no specific reason. I meant to give it to him around our one year mark, but I forgot. It just wrote how great he is and yadda yadda. It was fairly long bc I went into detail about how I feel about him in numerous aspects.

 

I gave it to him Sunday.

 

He hasnt said anything.

 

I went over for the first time since I gave it to him on Thursday. I saw it (just the card so it has been opened, obviously ) on the table. I was a lil upset bc its sorta an intimate thing to leave around for roomates and/or their guests to read, but whatever. I came over again Friday. Still there.

 

I gave it to him Sunday afternoon before I left to go home. I was expecting a text later on when he got to read it, or that he'd mention it during our bedtime call. Nothing.

 

Nearly a week later he has said nothing about it. I mean i didnt say anything alarming in it. It was a very sweet, detailed, yet innocent card. I didnt even get a "thanks" or a "that was so sweet". Nada. Whats going on here?

 

Oh, and it def seems that he has been more lovey dovey lately. We are normally very affectionate but lately he has been extra cuddly. I just say that bc I dont think that the card made him take a step back or anything... but Im still confused.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Ack - I know how you feel. I would feel the same. I've had this happen to me before.

[High5girl]

It could be anything. Maybe he has a difficult time getting all mushy, accepting acts of kindness or he might not feel he deserved what you said. Maybe it embarrassed him? Dunno.

 

Either that, worst case, he doesn't feel the same way?

 

I would ask him about the card. Keep it short. Say something like, "I'm sorry if the card embarrassed you" or "I hope the card wasn't offensive"

If you simply come out and ask, he may go into his thoughts about it.

[Maya_A]

Sorry about that... Yes, it strange for such a heartfelt gesture to go completely unacknowledged & I would feel that pang of hurt & a bit confused also...

 

The only things that come to mind are that something in the card made him uneasy & he doesn't know how to respond, or that nothing made him uneasy at all, he was very moved, and he just is not really sure how to express himself emotionally that deeply in return.... Lots of people say they do not know how to express deep emotional feelings.

 

There is a saying that I try to go by, and it is along the lines of "when we don't know the real reason, rather than assuming the worst scenario we always assume the best, or go with the thought that would bring about most peace around the issue"...

 

So if it were myself I would just guess the 2nd reason, and maybe ask him very kindly (not defensively or with your hurt energy) when you feel you can do this, just along the lines of what he thought of the card as he hadn't mentioned it...

 

Everyone is different but I might personally ask also, "did anything in the card make you uneasy at all" as well....

[lana111]

we are going to meet up with some friends this evening. i guess ill ask him on the ride down.

 

something like "did the card make you upset or uneasy or something?"

 

im kicking myself bc as time goes by the odder it is to ask about it. i should have just asked him if liked the car the next day if he didnt say anything that evening.

[High5girl]

I think asking him about it isn't a bad idea. If you let it fester and not say anything, it will keep your wondering what he really thought. Hopefully the outcome is a good one. Good Luck.

[Maya_A]

we are going to meet up with some friends this evening. i guess ill ask him on the ride down.

 

something like "did the card make you upset or uneasy or something?"

 

im kicking myself bc as time goes by the odder it is to ask about it. i should have just asked him if liked the car the next day if he didnt say anything that evening.

 

 

Don't worry about asking now... It's hard for everyone to know how to react to certain things, & maybe you wanted time to see if he would say something or just to try to make sense of it...

 

In the car on the way to meet friends might not be optimal timing. For one, if you are at a very sensitive point in the discussion and need more time to talk about things, the conversation might be abruptly cut at a "sticky point" because you are on a time line for arrival to meet your friends. And two, if there are any hurt feelings that arise & are unresloved it can ruin the evening ahead...

 

Asking him on the ride home might suit better...

 

And it is great to ask in positive way - something like... I'm really glad you liked the card enough to put it out, sweetie... Since you didn't mention anything about it, the more I thought on it, I figured it would be a good idea to just make sure nothing in it made you uneasy?'...

 

Hope it gets smoothed out quickly & lovingly....

[lana111]

yea i thought that the ride down may not be best, but on the ride back we will be drunk (taking a train people, its okay!) so id rather not do it then as not to appear that i have to be drunk to bring such a thing up. i guess ill wait till sunday...

 

thanks for the advice all!

[Maya_A]

And I 2nd thought about the ride back & drinking, too LOL !

 

Sunday it is - good luck....

[alli]

I would say "You didn't say anything about the card I sent you last week. What did you think of it?" And I would ask as soon as you have a few moments alone together.

[Daligal83]

I think everyone gave you good advice. I agree with the posters who said that maybe he just doesn't know how to express himself back you. And the longer it goes on, probably the more he thinks its too late to say anything. Everyone expresses themselves different. You stated that lately he's been extra affectionate with you. Did he start doing this after he got the card? Maybe that's his way of showing you how much he loves you and appreciates the card.

[lana111]

yea he has. hes been burying his head into my chest/arms a lot like a lil kid and has just been smiling a lot and i dunno... what he normals does but more.

[shikashika]

Well its bad manners regardless!!

 

To not even sy thank you?!?

 

Ask him about it... its rude to not even acknowledge it!

[lana111]

Well its bad manners regardless!!

 

To not even sy thank you?!?

 

Ask him about it... its rude to not even acknowledge it!

 

i thought so too!

 

after reading everyones posts i feel that he hasnt said anything bc he is having trouble expressing his emotions. this has been a problem with him in the past and past relationships; expressing himself verbally.

 

i think the card was too much for him to express how it made him feel.

[shikashika]

i thought so too!

 

after reading everyones posts i feel that he hasnt said anything bc he is having trouble expressing his emotions. this has been a problem with him in the past and past relationships; expressing himself verbally.

 

i think the card was too much for him to express how it made him feel.

 

sorry but I think that's being too lenient!

 

ALWAYS say thank you... it's not that he has to write a car expressing his emotions back to you... but a THANK YOU. Parents should have drilled this into his head when he wa 2 years old... that when someone gives you something you have the manners to say THANK YOU.

 

Its not that much to ask.. nothing to do with his emotional capacity!

[lana111]

well in his defense, he might have said thank you or something to that extent when i gave him the card... i really dont remember bc i was running out the door gathering my things and gave it to him...

 

im concerned with the responce after it was read but still youre right. no thank you after it was read.

[kuiks8]

you said he has been more affectionate right? maybe this is his way of telling you it impacted him. If you need to hear from him as to what he thought just ask...my SO knows i am big on feedback...for soo many things...nothing wrong with asking for a response...

[NewPhillyGuy]

This was a long time ago, but I wrote a poem for my girlfriend at the time and emailed it to her. I think it was for Valentine's Day. She never acknowledged it. About a week went by, and I was feeling really horrible, because I put so much time and effort into writing it. After the week passed, I asked her if she got it and she was like "yeah." I really felt like crap.

 

If I were you, I would definitely say something to him. Bring it up gently, and be sure to tell him exactly how you are feeling. You might say it like this -

 

I felt really X when you didn't acknowledge my card.

 

I've learned this is the best way to communicate, because the other way around, YOU didn't do X, can come off as accusing the person. You want to put the focus on your feelings, but also show that his actions had an impact on you.

 

I really hope that you guys have a good conversation about this, and that it does get resolved, lana.

[laisla]

look at his actions - he put it on the table and he is also being more affectionate. those are positive. next time you're by the table why not say "oh so did you like my card? maybe he's wondering why you didn't say anything about it being on the table?

[lana111]

hey all! thanks for your help. i asked my bf about it today and he said he loved the card. i didnt get into it about how he didnt say anything though.