Do we really need to talk about it?

[Amasa]

So after it's all said and done and you and your ex start talking again or the relationship starts going positive again how important is it to talk about what happened in the first place?

 

And what if your dating a non-talker? My ex ( and his whole family for that matter) don't really talk about anything. If I say x was a problem he will just fix it. No discussion..... Do I still need the discussion at that point? Why/ Why not?

[waveseer]

It's only important if you don't want the same thing to happen again.

[DN]

Depends what caused the relationship to break in the first place. Sometimes extensive talking is necessary to be sure the reasons won't occur again or, if the do, they can be properly dealt with.

 

But there are times when the reason for the split was so obvious and so unlikely to happen again there is no need for discussion.

[Amasa]

I think maybe we do need to talk about things to not let the same problems happen again. I just don't know if rehashing every unresolved fight is the best.

 

Ready-- I know you've been reading my other post. And even after I decided that I was wrong in the situation last night. I thought about it some more and then was thinking he should have been more understanding of what I was going through.

 

 

So now I think maybe we shouldn't talk about it anymore. As long as he does what he says he going to do. Which is what I told him I was unhappy about and he does that. Then the conversation about the convoluted event seems pointless............Right?

[penelope13]

it depends a bit on both your personalities, what type of relationship you are looking for and the type of issue you are dealing with.

 

i'm someone who likes to know and understand things, but not everyone of my partners in the past was like this. some people just don't know how to express/ analyze themselves. if the issue at hand is not relationship defining, I would not insist on discussing it.

[catfeeder]

Exes are eXes for a reason. No conversation will undo the past, and if they're an ex, their conduct is no longer your issue to resolve.

 

I'd let it go.

 

In your corner.

[twrtwn]

I read somewhere to simply say, "So what do we need to change so this doesn't happen again?" My ex was not a talker either when it came to sentiment or feelings. So, even though we are not back...(and I really hope it works for you)...I have used my free time to figure this all out. And if ever there comes a day I need it, I will use this question. It is not blameful and has a lot to do with both of you. Let him take the chance to think if he can't answer (just imagining my ex) and aske him when he'd like to talk about it again. In the meantime, really thiink yourself about what you need to make it work.

In my case, I have had a lot of time to think...and I know the relationship worked as long as it was on his terms. That would not work for me again. So my point is, when you get back to that question, make sure you are clear in your mind what you need and keep and open mind as to what he needs. Hopefully he will be open and honest. That's the only way it can go on and there'd be a chance because otherwise all you get is the same....and it didn't work, did it?

[Amasa]

He said that he thought we should have been able to work through all the stress/ overload of problems together and we couldn't.

 

I don't think anybody could have.

[ewatford]

it takes two to make it work

 

it's obvious communication is important.

 

just seems you guys are not compatiable....

 

good to let that go and move forward into a brighter future

 

with someone who can make you happy