Prejudice Doesn't Belong in the GLBT Section

[unabashed]

With regard to the forum rules and the intended purpose of this website, what exactly is the purpose of the GLBT topic?

 

Since this is a support website--"You are not alone"--I would think that each topic area invites people who need support and advice on that area.

 

What I have seen, though, too many times, are posts asking for advice from "the gays" as if there is some actual group of organized "gays" who can explain the hurtful or irrational behavior of someone they know who is gay.

 

No one, except the stated experts, are experts, right? We are all just here to offer support where we have something to offer. And, to ask for help when we need it. I have found that it's more effective to use other topics for help, rather than post in the glbt topic, just because I'm gay. Other people who have gone through the difficulties of healing after divorce, for example, are more helpful in giving advice about my divorce than are other people who are gay--just because that is their sexual orientation.

 

It is really dismaying to find so much judgment and hatred on some of these threads. I truly appreciate that the moderators try to keep things appropriate. But, it's kind of ironic. Many people are stuggling with accepting and understanding their identities. They come here for support and advice, and end up having to explain and defend themselves against the judgment and ignorance of people who are here in the guise of caring.

 

I have both asked for and offered advice on this site. I think there is a lot to gain from a forum like this. But, at the same time, it's really upsetting to realize that, despite the acceptance and kindness of many people, there is still an underlying prejudice (and hatred) that comes through, even in a place that is supposed to be a safe, supportive space.

[Supa_gurl]

Sorry you feel that way unabashed. I don't often visit the glbt forum. Because I am not and really haven't been too exposed to the lifestyle. But I believe everyone is equal. And I hope that with your thread that it changes. (hugs) and if you ever need someones opinion that will not be judgemental you can PM me.

[avman]

We have to walk a fine balance between support, opinions, and censorship here. Though we try, it's not always so clear cut about what to do.

 

Unfortunately you are always going to find people that are prejudiced about something. In some cases, prejudice comes from a lack of knowledge and understanding. Perhaps those kind of people can be helped by getting more information and coming to an understanding that their thoughts and beliefs were inaccurate.

 

Ultimately the GLBT forum was set up to handle any unique issues arising from those kinds of relationships and situations. It's a place where gay people can find others that can help them who understand things. It's also a place where straight people can perhaps gain information and understanding that they didn't have previously.

 

It's not perfect, but we try. If people have specific ideas that would improve it we would love to hear about them.

[unabashed]

Thanks, Supa Gurl.

 

Avman--I think the moderators do a great job. I'm not sure what the answer is, or if there is one. I definitely would agree on erring on the side of self-expression. You can't control what people think.

 

If anything, maybe I feel upset or even threatened by the reality of the prejudice that exists--not something any of us can really change. I live in a pretty accepting part of the country, and stick with friends and allies who are going to be supportive. Although I'm well aware of the fact that people are against who I am, at my very core, I, thankfully, don't have to experience this on a regular basis. It's kind of a shock to read it from time to time at a place that is for support. Even more so, I know that there are a lot of people who are stuggling with their identities, wishing they were different, or feeling ashamed. How must it be for them?

[avman]

I do understand unabashed. I wish I could tell you that prejudice doesn't exist but I would be lying to you. It isn't limited to sexual orientation either but of course you know that. It extends to race, religion, gender, politics, and many other areas as well. We will have to try to deal with it as it surfaces.

[lukeb]

One would love to believe that prejudice doesnt belong anywhere, but the reality is it is everywhere. I guess what makes the difference is when we strive to do better and not to be malicious about it. Most of my friends are gay or lesbian, I cant deny the fact that if you were going to look at it from a statistical standpoint then I have been prejudiced against straight people, but I think it is an acceptable form or level or predudice. Yes, the GLBT forum is inherantly prejudical but I dont think anyone really gets hurt by it, and some might feel that they are receiving advice or comfort from people that know where they are coming from.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I tend to answer threads from the main page (new threads), so to be honest, I don't notice which category they are in, and I suspect a lot of posters do the same. So I usually answer threads that I feel I can advise on, or say something sympathetic - sometimes it's in the GLBT section, and usually that would be about relationship advice (which is often about communication, which is pretty universal!). I wouldn't answer or not answer a thread in any subject area deliberately, I would just respond to the ones I felt I could contribute something regardless of where they were posted, if that makes sense. I would usually stay clear of threads where I have no experience at all.

 

I think there are some people who give outstanding advice on this site, and they tend to post on loads of different threads - I'm sorry if you get prejudiced/bigoted remarks; the moderators are usually pretty good at monitoring threads, and making sure no one feels belittled or threatened. But you're right, there is a lot of prejudice out there, which is hard to understand.

[pianoguy]

I have to say that compared to other sites I visit, the glbt section here tends to be pretty positive. Sure, there's been more idiots wandering in here as of late, but that's to be expected as the site grows. If anything, it does us a service by preparing us for the real world and teaching us constructive ways to deal with these people.

 

I think dealing with ignorance and prejudice is just the reality that we face as gay people, whether on this site or elsewhere. If I can find a way to deal with it that doesn't make me crazy, so much the better for me. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

[alli]

You know, I thought for the longest time that prejudice was something of the past, until I was 18, went to college & learned otherwise. Not only regarding sexual orientation but race, religious beliefs, even political beliefs. I was shocked when I realized almost half the country does not support same-sex marriages; I guess I just assumed people minded their own business. Anyway, I don't want to start a controversial topic.

 

I've never seen prejudicial posts on this site, but I basically stay on the current thread page & don't really go into specific topics. I'm sure they're out there. People are more inclined to express how they truly feel when they are hidden behind a curtain of anonymity. Not everyone has that underlying prejudice, though. Some of us will always be here to offer advice & opinions without making others feel like they need to defend themselves.

[unabashed]

When I was growing up, I was very sensitive to racial prejudice, something that was very evident in the 60's when I was a child. As a Jewish person, I was aware that some people didn't like Jews, but it still came as a painful shock when some kids made fun of me in elementary school. It's one thing to be an ally of a group that is disenfranchised. It's quite another thing to be part of one of those groups. I think this pain lead to a lot of shame and fear, as I was coming out as a lesbian in my twenties. It finally lead to my decision to marry a man and "try" not to be gay. I don't think the views of a website will necessarily make or break someone's ability to be OK with themselves, I agree. I hope not.