My Dilemma

[bibisia]

I met a guy who I was really attracted to about six months ago. Within a month of meeting him, he was arrested and went to jail for about two weeks. He got out and promised me he will turn his life around. Four months later he is back in jail again. People are telling me to leave him alone, but I still care for him. I wrote him a letter about how I will always love him but only if he does the right thing. I want to leave him alone, but I still love him and thinking of what we used to do and how he is gone makes me sad. The chemistry we had was great and I honestly do not think I can meet someone who will make me feel the way he does. I want to move on with my life, but its hard. Please help.

[waveseer]

He already told you that he'd change for you and he didn't. The reason is very simple, unless a person wants to change for themselves, any changes they do make are often temporary. You need to leave him alone for a long time to see if he changes for himself.

[android]

welcome to ena bibi.. Well i know its a hard position for you right there. Well, it makes things come to a choice. Make up your mind on what you want to do. If you want to let go or you want to stay on. Whats the offence he's committed to go behind bars? If its ok for you to share that is. You know, just like how you feel it hard to leave him, it might be hard to stop his ways. Im saying so in the darkness about what he really is doing. Maybe he is not someone who wants to cheat you, but cant keep his promise at the moment. I wouldn't ask you to be cut throat about him like how R2H mentioned, but you might want to decide that on the basis of what offence he is commiting and how much you think you can change him... Its not easy to change anyone, maybe close to impossible, but there are people who try and change for somebody they love and you might be able to help him. Dont let go off anyone you love until you are sure that they are past your aid and hospitality... And of course dont get hurt too much in the process.. but its ok to get a little hurt sometimes in relationships, it adds a little meaning and more love when you get back... It all depends on the situation. And if he is into something sinister, maybe you shoulndt get involved with him... That might even cause you to be involved with the law, like supporting a criminal or something... Keep your eyes open and take care..

[android]

Always in a relationship, believe in giving chances, you might never know when you become the one who needs a chance to prove what you did wasn't entirely coz of your temperament...

[Botched]

There is no right answer. Only opinions based on too-little-info. For instance, what is he going to jail for? That matters!

 

It sounds like, and I could be wrong, but it seemed to be that you wrote this from a "gonna leave him" perspective. Honestly, I would think that you would be quite justified in doing so.

 

However, often justifications do not equate to "right."

 

You aren't married. Let him get his stuff together and come get you..prove himself to himself and to you. That is to say, tell him you do not want conjugal visits and bail bonds officers in your life. Again, only if you mean it.

 

In the end, your heart is the compass.

[spearntime]

If it were me I would leave right away. This sounds like a poor excuse for a relationship.

[Batya33]

It depends on your priorities. Also consider whether you felt that way about him because you spent so little time with him before he was away. Your feelings might be very different if you owned property together and lived in fear that you would lose your home, assets, be a single parent, etc because his values justify breaking the law.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone

 

think about it this way - if you had a daughter and she was in this situation, what would you tell her to do? wouldn't you tell her to drop him like a hot potato and never look book? i think you would.

[bibisia]

Thank you all for the comments. I know the best thing is to leave because I am totally not into men like him, until I met him. I told him if he really knew me, he'd know that I would never associate with anyone who breaks the law. I love him though, but I think it best to leave as he has put me through a lot emotionally. Maybe he can turn his life around I just pray he does as I feel he has soo much potential in life than to waste it sitting in jail.

 

PS: I cannot mention what he did to be in jail, but his second offense was worst than the first although he said he did not do it.

[spearntime]

Oh c'mon! They ALL say they didn't do it!!! If he's had a first offense, it's certain he did the second or at least used horrible judgement...which is what these guys DO!

[android]

Oh c'mon! They ALL say they didn't do it!!! If he's had a first offense, it's certain he did the second or at least used horrible judgement...which is what these guys DO!

 

well spearntime, its not always like that is it? Sometimes things happen and with gals too.. I've been there with some people before... welll i think she decided what was best for herself..

Cheers.