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Issues/Questions with sending my ex his things


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My ex left me 3 weeks ago - I came home to a note. Very unexpected but I am doing major grief and maintaining no contact.


He left everything behind and moved in with family over 1,000 miles away. He had a few clothes and that is about all he took with him.


We have a large storage locker full of stuff in another city about 300 miles from where I am currently that I will probably get to within a couple months.


I have more clothes and a few other things that belong to him at my apartment now - corporate housing - I work temp. nursing contracts so we stored a lot of our things as we would move every 3 months.


I want to send what I have of his (our stuff that I do not want to keep) to his father's house. I am almost certain but not 100% sure that he is staying at his father's house. Either way, his father can get it to him.


I will not be placing any letters or other type of communication to him in the boxes of stuff for him but this still feels like I am trying to make contact by sending this stuff that he left behind.


I feel like if I send some stuff now, and then a month or so later I send the rest, it will look like I am trying to give him continued reminders of us or something.


Either way, I also think I am being very gracious for being willing to take the time and go to the expense of packing and sending this stuff to him. I don't really have the money for it, but I could not see throwing it away.


There are numerous paintings that he painted - this is a part of him. I could not see throwing these into the garbage or giving them away. I still love him and always will no matter what the outcome of all if this is going to be. I have anger toward him but the reality is that we were both abusive and rotten to each other as much as we were kind and loving and considerate but he decided to leave.


I also feel very sad realizing that I am doing this. I can't believe that I am. It feels like I will be solidifying the reality that we probably will not get back together if I ship his things to him. That was OUR stuff. It will also send him the message that I am moving on. I still can't believe that I am going through the motions of moving on - It has only been 3 weeks out - I am grieving intensely - and I feel like I need to just let him go if he does not want to be with me - I don't know how much I believe it but maybe I am convincing myself of this.


Should I wait and send his things all at once in a few months or would it be ok to send what I have with me to him in a week or so and send the rest in 1 or 2 months?


Thank you for the advice and support.



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You sound very composed and put together. Do you think you can maintain that if he contacts you when you send his stuff??? If not I would wait.

If his stuff was really that important to him he would have taken it. So I would wait until I was in a good spot to send it. You can't wait for ever or it's like your holding his things hostage to get him to talk to you. But waiting until you can send it all together seems reasonable.

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Wow, I think you are the most polite person to have ever been dumped. It's his stuff; you know you're not using it as an excuse to see him & he should see that. Even if he gets the wrong idea, so what? He'll see you're not acting in desperation to get in contact with him when that is the only sign of you you've made known.


That was a pretty crappy way of him breaking up with you. I don't think I would be so gracious as to take the time to pack up his stuff & pay to mail it back to him.


I say, do it whenever you feel like it. Hope you start feeling better soon.

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I just read your other posts about him leaving before. I don't want to instill false hope that you might get back together, but why don't you wait a few months until you know this time is different & save yourself the expense of shipping his stuff if he's only to bring it back?

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This is part of my hesitation in shipping it to him. We have already moved everything to him and then back to California where we live after the second time he left.


I just feel like it will let him know that I am at least going through the motions of moving on and it will guide me toward accepting the he is gone - until and unless he decides he wants to come back and that I take him back. Being honest with myself I would probably take him back again. If he started to date other men or screw around with others and I somehow found out I think my willingness to take him back would go down considerably, for a variety of reasons.


Thank you for observing this.



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Wow, I envy you're composure.


But I would either wait till he contacts to get his stuff so HE can pay to ship them to himself (I don't think that's your responsibility to send him his stuff... that costs A LOT). Or I would ship it all at once when you can afford it without it effecting your budget much. He will have to deal with whatever he gets, though... and that's his problem... not yours.

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