Meeting ex tonight.... or not...?

[mags_7531]

Hello Everyone

 

I have posted on here numerous times about my break about about six weeks ago now. I did NC for almost two weeks then broke it and moved slowly into LC this past week. and he was the one who broke up with me.

 

He was very anxious to talk to me since i have been ignoring him and has seemed like he misses me although he hasnt said so. We saw eachother tuesday for the first time in almost a month and it was very different. He seemed nervious and happy to see me. he was excited about moving into his new house and that was the reason for him to come over, to "celebrate." Well we ended up sleeping together which i really hoped wouldnt happen but we both couldnt resist. He then asked me if i wanted to come see his new house the next night, i said yes...

 

So Wednesday i wen to his house and he gave me a tour and it was nice. I got to see his brother and his wife and it was great to see them cause i missed them and they seemed happy to see me although a little confused. I didnt stay long and left and came home. When i got home we started messaging and he wanted me to come back to his place and spend the night but i didnt give in. THursday he asked me agian to come over and i said no again.

 

He now want to make plans for tongiht for me to go over to his house and his message was "did you wanna come over tonight. You can stay the night and go with me to the flea market in the morning"

 

I dont know if i should go over and see him? The problem is that im getting the impression that its completely about sex and that hes lonely and doesnt have anyone else to hangout with. Im feeling like a last resort to him.

 

I asked him "why do you want to hang out with me now?"

He said "WHy not, im just down the street now and if your jsut sitting there bored you might as well" I replied to that saying i dont sit at home bored.

 

So i havent given him a direct answer to if i will go over there or not.

 

What should i do? I want him back but i dont want to just be in his life part time like this. Its hard to hear about what hes doing and all the things we would normally do together that hes doing alone. And with xmas around the corner i was suppose to be spending it with him so thats hard aswell.

[savignon]

Be straight up and ask, "Are you asking me b/c you want to explore this again or just because you're lonely?"...hopefully he'll be honest. Get your information beforehand, though, so you don't get misled or hurt. Since he hasn't broached the relationship stuff, it might be that he's trying to 'have his cake and eat it'. Find out and good luck!

[nada_es_fake]

If you think he isn't interested in reconciling with you and that it's probably all about sex, I don't think you should go. He broke up with you, right? It's selfish of him to expect you to come keep him company whenever he feels like it.

 

I saw my ex last weekend after she had broke up with me. We hung out all weekend, messed around, laughed, and it seemed like she really liked being with me again. I got my hopes up and, stupid me, and asked if it meant something. She said she just liked hanging out with me but didn't think us messing around meant anything or offered hope for the future. We haven't talked since then. I feel stupid and like all of my healing was undone because I hung out with her.

 

I say don't do it. Don't be available to someone who broke up with you. It just shows him that he's in control and that he can do anything and you'll still be around.

[Whiskers]

I suspect that you are right about him using you mainly for sex and if you keep offering it to him on a plate you have no one but yourself to blame.

You either have to tell him outright that you can't continue this way, that you can't be the woman to fill the gap until he finds someone else....and you know he is well within his right to do just that. He'll drop you as soon as someone comes along and if that doesn't work out he'll probably crawl back, you're going to hate yourself if that happens.

He made his choice, he broke up with you.

Being in touch most of the time isn't going to help so NC or LC is the way to go.

Something has to change or you'll suffer further.

XXXX

[mags_7531]

You guys are right, its prolly just about sex and "filling the gaps"

 

But he confuses me because i am direct about what i want and he kinda indirectly answers my concerns/questions, here are some examples from a conversation we had two nights ago when he wanted me to come back over after i looked at his house but left and didnt stay the night:

 

me "Great place, i love it! DO you think its possible for us to jsut be friends"

him "is that all you wnat is friends?"

me "thats what we are now cause thats what u wanted, im just tryign to figure this out"

 

 

He then went on to say that he doesnt know what he wants but had fun the other night with me. I told him he could find plenty of other girls to sleep with and not to use me for sex caus ei want more then that. He said "i dont wnat to sleep with anyone else, i want to sleep with you"

 

I then said "You cant do that its all of me or none of me, its not just whats convient, so please if you do still care about me and its just about sex for you then let me go and move on. DONT talk to me and want to see me if yoru hopes are for it to end in sex. In that case we shouldnt talk anymore if thats your motive ok?"

 

His reply, "I dont wnat to let you go. I want what we had last night [hes referring to sex], and soon hopefully what we had before"

 

SO im feeling helpless cause i thoguht i was clear the other night that i dont wnat ot jsut sleep with him and that is a all or nothing situation. But is still inviting me over. COuld he want more? Or is he just not getting it what im saying

[HeartGoesOn]

Make up your mind to only see him to talk about the relationship. Also, tell him that you'll only meet up with him in a public place, and there will be no sex, since you're no longer in a relationship.

 

I think this will give you a clear answer as to what his intentions are.

 

Take care...

[mags_7531]

Thats a good idea, it made me cry cause im almost certain he doesnt want to get back together but is not ready to completely let me go, and thats not fair to me at all.

 

Is there anyone else in my sitation right now? Its friday night and im home alone and i dont want to go out with friends or do anything but see my ex. He wants to see me but not for the same reasons, im crushed i feel so alone and helpless...............

[mags_7531]

also, does it mean anything that he wants to hangout with me on a friday night and wanted me to be with him the first ngiht at his new house? cause its obvious that hes not dating anyone else..

[mags_7531]

Well i feel like im talking to myself on here but thats ok, its good to just talk to someone or something.

 

I told my ex about 1.5hrs ago that it wasnt a good idea for us to meet tonight cause i dont want to be in his life part time and when its convienent, i wnat more, and deserve more. His response was "what makes you think i dont want to see you more" i messaged him back and then didnt hear back from him.

 

THen i caved.... i couldnt take it i was sitting alone on my couch crying for an hour and i couldnt let go, not yet... so i meesaged him... and im going over there at 10..... im pathetic, and worthless to do this to myself for one night of happiness, just to wake up and feel horrible in the morning when he goes on with his life without me.... how is it possible fo rus to do this to ourselves willingly and knowingly....

[HeartGoesOn]

Don't do it!

 

You'll be nothing more than a booty call to him. Please respect yourself, and make him work for you, you derserve that.

[mags_7531]

well i did go over to his house and we had a few glasses of wine and hung out. We ended up sleeping together and then he passed out. I was laying in his bed wide awake while he slept and suddenly go the urge to look through his phone which was sitting on the table beside him. I got out of bed and he didnt wake up. so i picked up his phone and looked. i noticed he had recently deleted messaged in his inbox and outbox moments before i arrived... because the only message inhis phone was the one i sent when i arrived at his place on where to park... and before that i had sent about 10 messages thoughout the day about are plans. SO i know he earased messages he didnt want me to see becaus ei have looked through his phone in the past.

 

BUT what he didnt delete was picture messages. THere was alot.... im crying typing this. Alot fromwhen were broken up and some from before. One in perticular was a message from his ex who lives in vages where he "went on vacation with friends" even though i was very suspious that he just went to see her alone. Anyways there was a pitcure messgae to him a week before he left for vages when we were still together saying "ready to lay beside this" and a naked pic of her.

 

I fell to the ground when i saw this but he didnt wake up.... to much wine i guess. I grabbed my clothes and ran out the door.

 

 

Im home now. Its 4am here and i left him sleeping in the middle of the night. Im a mess.... is anyone awake out there???

[tleto]

hello...just reading some of whats going on with you....I feel like you should take control of the situation.Why are u letting him call all the shots? B honest with yourself,is he ever really going to give u what u want? You deserve to b happy.

[ewatford]

It's obvious you still love him

 

Do you know if he feels the same way?

 

If he doesn't mention desiring to get back into a relationship with you

 

that means he just want friendship with benefits.

 

if it didn't work out then, 9 times out of 10..it won't work out now

 

find out his true intent and be straight forward or leave him alone

 

date someone and he'll come back with a direct answer because he doesn't want to lose you if he truly loves you.