She said, "I don't know"

[zrehman]

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months now and we have been talking everyday after the break up and both decided we would take it slow and work through our problems so we could be together in the end (reason we broke up is because she did a few irresponsible things which led to the break up)

 

I talked to her today and I asked her, "What she thinks about us and our future" and she said, "I don't know" ... after pouring out my heart to her and telling her how I feel about her and "us" and how I want us to be together, she just said, that she isn't thinking about that and is focusing on her life career (she just graduated is 25 and trying to pursue her career).

 

I don't know how to be with her now after she tells me that she thinks of me as, "I don't know". Do I still continue to talk to her and be friends? Do I cut her off and save myself the emotional pain?

[alli]

How long were you together before you broke up? Did you have this talk then?

 

If she just graduated & is about to pursue a career, she probably doesn't know geographically where she will end up. LDRs are ok for a while but not permanently. Maybe see how it goes working things out until you find out where she is going. Shouldn't take her too long to figure that out anyway.

[zrehman]

How long were you together before you broke up? Did you have this talk then?

 

If she just graduated & is about to pursue a career, she probably doesn't know geographically where she will end up. LDRs are ok for a while but not permanently. Maybe see how it goes working things out until you find out where she is going. Shouldn't take her too long to figure that out anyway.

 

Total we have been together for 4 years (on and off). When we broke up in September we did have the talk and when I saw her in November she was talking to a friend and told them that "We are both single and we are both taking things slow to work towards getting back together"

 

She was working PT in Buffalo, but she has been in NYC were she lives and is trying to find a job there. She has been in NYC since April, so the distance isn't the issue here.

 

I just don't know what to do as far as her telling me "I don't know", when I talked to her today about "us".

[alli]

Wow that's a long time. Well, you guys are officially in "broken up" status; don't you think it makes sense that your future together is uncertain? Don't read too much into it.

[zrehman]

Wow that's a long time. Well, you guys are officially in "broken up" status; don't you think it makes sense that your future together is uncertain? Don't read too much into it.

 

Yes we are in a "broken up" status, but we both agreed we would be working towards getting back together. So it means that we will focus on each other and take things slow ... which is what I'm doing. But she is in a "I don't know" state which to me means that if she developed an interest for someone else, she would start dating them.

[alli]

Yes we are in a "broken up" status, but we both agreed we would be working towards getting back together. So it means that we will focus on each other and take things slow ... which is what I'm doing. But she is in a "I don't know" state which to me means that if she developed an interest for someone else, she would start dating them.

 

Again, try not to read too much into it! Unless you have reason to believe so, don't put those words in her mouth. You could ask her if she would do that if the situation arose, but really I think her response is pretty typical. Give it some time, see if it works out. Unless you're just looking for a reason to end it for good.

[zrehman]

Again, try not to read too much into it! Unless you have reason to believe so, don't put those words in her mouth. You could ask her if she would do that if the situation arose, but really I think her response is pretty typical. Give it some time, see if it works out. Unless you're just looking for a reason to end it for good.

 

That's the thing .... she did say that. She said this:

 

"I'm single right now, and if I met someone that interested me and we got to know each other more and we hung out more and I developed feelings for that person, then I would eventually be in a relationship with that person"

 

Then when I told her how I feel about "us" and were I want us to be ... she then responded with "I don't know" and then talking about her career and how she wants to be happy with pursuing her dreams in her job.

[Lady Bugg2]

I think you should tell her you are interested in getting back together...and if she isn't then you wish to not have any more contact with her, so you can move on and heal.

She needs to deal with the full consequences of her decision..and that includes not having you in her life as a backup plan or until she meets someone else and moves on.

[alli]

That's the thing .... she did say that. She said this:

 

"I'm single right now, and if I met someone that interested me and we got to know each other more and we hung out more and I developed feelings for that person, then I would eventually be in a relationship with that person"

 

Then when I told her how I feel about "us" and were I want us to be ... she then responded with "I don't know" and then talking about her career and how she wants to be happy with pursuing her dreams in her job.

 

Ahhh. That changes things a bit. If I were you, I would not be satisfied with "oh, I'll try again with you unless someone better comes along in the meantime". Nu uh. You either commit to working it out or you don't. I will not be the back up plan.

 

And I would tell her that. If she's hoping someone better comes along, she's going to be doing it on her own.

[zrehman]

I think you should tell her you are interested in getting back together...and if she isn't then you wish to not have any more contact with her, so you can move on and heal.

She needs to deal with the full consequences of her decision..and that includes not having you in her life as a backup plan or until she meets someone else and moves on.

 

I told her today ... I poured my heart out on how I feel about her and "us" and how I want us to be together in the end and I talked about seeing her in January and for Valentines Day ... but she gave me the same answer but in a different way.

[zrehman]

Ahhh. That changes things a bit. If I were you, I would not be satisfied with "oh, I'll try again with you unless someone better comes along in the meantime". Nu uh. You either commit to working it out or you don't. I will not be the back up plan.

 

And I would tell her that. If she's hoping someone better comes along, she's going to be doing it on her own.

 

I agree, I actually brought that up with her ... I said, "I feel like I'm on the side until something better comes along" and she said that she is not like that and wouldn't ever do something like that.

 

But I feel like that ... I mean, she couldn't give me an answer, either:

 

1. "I think we should JUST be friends"

2. "I want to pursue our relationship together"

 

She just said, "I don't know" and "I'm not thinking about that, I'm just doing ME" - those were her answers.

[Puckdog27]

I dont know what to tell you about the situation, but I will comment on something in your signature. If you love something, never let it go, cheerish it every day. UNLESS it wants you to let it go, then let it go and move on and heal.

[zrehman]

I dont know what to tell you about the situation, but I will comment on something in your signature. If you love something, never let it go, cheerish it every day. UNLESS it wants you to let it go, then let it go and move on and heal.

 

I agree with the quote, but the hardest part is actually doing that.

[zrehman]

Hey guys, she contacted me! Check out my new thread: