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Letter I Need to Send


Hoosier

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I feel the need to send this to start my healing process. She really needs to know how she treated me. Any advice?

 

Here is is:

 

V,

 

I needed to write you this in order to heal and move on from you in a positive direction. I have held a lot of these emotions inside for a long time because I thought bringing them out would push you away from me. I didn’t want to burn that bridge of you coming back to me. Now that it is obvious that we aren’t going to be together I feel the need to do this for myself.

 

Believe me when I say that I am not out to make you feel bad but I just feel I need to tell you what you have done to my heart, my head, my soul and everything that is me! Hopefully we can both learn from the experience that we have had together. Hopefully we can both take the good and the bad and both become better people!

 

Finally doing something for me and not you!! I need to heal V, I need to heal from this relationship (or whatever it is you want to call it).

 

You are a good women, I know that because I have seen it and lived it. You just have some huge issues from your past that you just can’t seem to let go of. Unfortunately I got caught in the middle of it all. In the end all my love, support, attention, affection, and (truly for me) being your best friend was not enough!

 

I know there were a few really bad times….I regret those! I have learned from them!

 

You have hurt me to my core! You have ripped my heart from my body! I really can’t understand what has happened, why it happened, and how easy it is for you to do this! All you have is excuses. “I can’t because I would hurt D”. “We weren’t meant to be together”. “The bad from the past is just too much to get over”. These are all just excuses and when one doesn’t work you go to the next. Just like last night, you told me that you couldn’t have a relationship with me because you would be going to a place that hurt him. Now today it “is not just all about D”. Make up your mind….be honest with me and yourself!

 

Think it is a little funny that you are going to base who you love and hang with based on someone that could careless about what you are doing or who you are seeing! You still, after all this time are living your life through him….WOW! That really proves my point about using me. Why didn’t you just cut me lose years earlier if you knew you could never be with me. I will tell you why, because you always have to have a male in your life. Your track record proves that…D, Stre, Oak, Da, Gra, Da, Mi, Da, LaF, Gra Str, Gra, Bre, Mi, and Bre!

 

Did you ever consider healing on your own? Maybe with your girl friends? Oops, sorry!

 

You had to open fresh wounds last night by asking me how I was doing! Would have thought you new the answer to that! What was your purpose? Did you want to see me hurt some more or did you just want to find out if I was still there for you and still “wanted” you. Did it make you feel good to know that I still wanted you? I know that’s what you wanted…always have to be the center of attention!

 

The first part of our relationship was awesome. You cared about my feelings and me. It was truly a wonderful time in my life! I can’t say as much about the last 6 months! It truly was a roller coaster ride and a ride I never want to take again in any relationship. I went from being on top of the world one day and the pits of hell the next.

 

You played me V; you knew exactly what to say and when to say it to get what you wanted. Does that make me a wimp or spineless, I think not! It was about me loving you with all my being; loving everything about you, the good and the bad. You so took advantage of my love for you because you knew that I would do anything in the world for you. This really is the part that hurt the most! Yes losing you hurts, not being loved by you hurts, but the biggest hurt comes from you manipulating me and the love I had for you just to fill your needs for that moment. Your words and actions were selfish.

 

I stood beside you through thick and thin! I would have died for you. Do you even realize what you had? Obviously not because you have chosen to throw all of that away! Like I have said, you really and truly have lost the best thing that has ever happened to you! Sometime down the road you will look back and realize exactly what you had and exactly what you are missing.

 

I really thought that sometime apart from each other and you exploring the avenue that you are on would make you realize this. Now I am not even sure if you did come back that I would take you back. I am really that jaded by your words and actions.

 

One day you will figure out that the world doesn’t revolve around you. There are others in it that deserve to be treated with respect. It really isn’t ALL ABOUT YOU, and until you realize that you will be one lonely lady. I am pretty sure the next person in your life won’t put up with half of the crap that I put up with.

 

You manipulated me, you played me, you used me, you went behind my back, and you stretched the truth. You got what you wanted and needed from me when you wanted and needed it. You never took me, my feelings or my heart in to consideration. It was and probably always will be about what Val wants. Sad that she doesn’t care who she hurts in the process of getting what she wants.

 

Hell you looked me dead in the eye and told me you loved me. Back then I so wanted to hear that and now I wish you would have never said it! I guess it just isn’t easy for me to toss around the word LOVE and not really mean it! Guess you and your friend have something in common if he is throwing the LOVE word out after two months…that would sure scare me and through up a red flag! Guess it won’t though because you use the word with little meaning too!

 

This letter is the real start of my healing process. I need to cut all contact with you. I cannot have you in my life in anyway shape or form. I need to remove myself from the person who has caused all this hurt! You really don’t deserve me or the things I have given you. I have a real hard time looking in the mirror knowing that I gave you all that I had and you took all those emotions and twisted them to suit your needs! It makes me sick to my stomach to have to look at that person in the mirror!

 

Friends…. I don’t think so. To bad because it really looks like you could use some.

 

Good luck in the future, I hope you find what you’re looking for in life and the person you want to spend that life with!

 

You will never hear a word from me again.

 

Good-bye for ever V!!!!!!

 

Gra

 

Again this wasn’t meant to point the finger at you for the troubles we have had nor was it meant to hurt you in anyway or make you feel bad about yourself or are relationship.. It was meant to help me with the healing process. I needed to get this off my chest to move on. I think you needed to know these things and how I was feeling about the way I was treated. Hopefully it will help both of us in our next relationship.

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Actually not expecting a reaction at all. I think she needs to know what she has done because in her mind she hasnt done anything wrong.

 

And you know what - she will not change her mind one shred just because you send her this piece. At best she will get angry at you.

 

Don't send her this mail. Just let her go.

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If she believes she hasn't done anything wrong, then sending this letter won't change her mind. She will probably receive it, open it, read the first few lines, and throw it away.

 

From your letter, you sound hurt. Really, really hurt. Also a little confused or bewildered. Also more than a little bitter.

 

My advice: don't send it. I don't see how it will help you accomplish anything, at all. It's not going to help either her or you in your next relationship. You needed to write it to move on. Ok, fine, you wrote it. Don't send it.

 

And believe me... I've been there.

 

The one thing that DOES make sense to send/ say is the following:

 

V,

 

I do not want to be in contact with you. You do not have a place in my life. I send you my best wishes for a happy and fulfilling life. Good bye.

 

Gra

 

Now, THAT will give her a d*mn good picture of where you're coming from and will tell her in no uncertain words that you DO NOT want to hear from her.

 

YS

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When my ex and I broke up I did send him a long-ish email, but that was because we ended up breaking up after an argument that spiralled out of control and it was mainly via text/phone so I never saw him or got a chance to speak properly to put my side accross. However the email I sent was in no way bitter, it was just... look this is how I feel that I never got a chance to say and explaining a couple of the things I had said towards the end that I wished I hadn't, and I ended it saying "I hope we can both be mature enough to say ok, we tried and it didn't work, maybe in a different time or place it could, but not now".

 

His reaction to receiving it was quite good and it levelled things out.

 

But I don't think any good can come of sending something if you are really angry, I think all that will happen is that she will read it and either get really really angry with you, or she will get half way through and throw it away.

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From your letter, you sound hurt. Really, really hurt. Also a little confused or bewildered. Also more than a little bitter.

 

Yellow, You couldnt have been more right about how I am feeling. It truly was a rollercoaster ride. Confused and bewildered....BINGO.

 

Like I said, I have been holding this back for a while now. I should have told her this earlier. If she were to get angry so be it!

 

Just thinking that getting this off my chest would help me start to heal.

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Yellow, You couldnt have been more right about how I am feeling. It truly was a rollercoaster ride. Confused and bewildered....BINGO.

 

Like I said, I have been holding this back for a while now. I should have told her this earlier. If she were to get angry so be it!

 

Just thinking that getting this off my chest would help me start to heal.

 

Yes! And I'm so glad you shared it with us. I did the same thing after the end of a 7 year relationship (that was about 18 months ago, now).

 

Thing is, I don't think she would get angry. Remember that "dumpers" aren't in the same emotional place that "dumpees" are. Having been through this, I think what's more likely is that she would read a little bit of it, shake her head, and say, "What a loser. Why can't he just move on? He's lashing out at me because he's hurting. It's so obvious! There's nothing wrong with me, he's the one that's all messed up right now. Haha, I'm so glad I'm not dating that loser anymore."

 

Hoosier, I don't believe any of that to be true. But based on my experience, and the experiences of others on this forum, I think that's more or less what would go through her mind reading your letter.

 

Perhaps after the letter, she'll contact you and you'll fight some more, prolonging the drama. Perhaps she'll ignore you, and you'll live in turmoil, wondering if she even received the letter. Either way, nothing good can come of this.

 

I know that your emotions are all over the place right now. That's how it goes. As a little time passes, things will start to get a little clearer. You can always save the letter and think about sending it in the future.

 

You say that your first step in healing is to send the letter... I think your first step was to write the letter. Healing is 100% internal and personal. The longer you believe that you need to rely on actions from your ex, from your rebound, from your parents, from whomever in order to heal, the longer healing will take.

 

Be well

YS

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From your letter, you sound hurt. Really, really hurt. Also a little confused or bewildered. Also more than a little bitter.

 

Yellow, You couldnt have been more right about how I am feeling. It truly was a rollercoaster ride. Confused and bewildered....BINGO.

 

Like I said, I have been holding this back for a while now. I should have told her this earlier. If she were to get angry so be it!

 

Just thinking that getting this off my chest would help me start to heal.

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Like I said, I have been holding this back for a while now. I should have told her this earlier. If she were to get angry so be it!

 

Just thinking that getting this off my chest would help me start to heal.

 

Doesn't matter what she thinks now. You are a free man, and you don't need to worry about her emotions any longer! Believe me, not sending it may seem like it won't help you heal, but it will. Removing yourself from the petty fighting and sniping will make you a better person in the end.

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Hi Hoosier,

 

I wouldn't recommend sending the letter. I have written- and sent- some like these and it doesn't help. In my case, he couldn't care less how he treated me and it just made him angry. You wrote it out- good. But keep it with you. She doesn't need to know. Chances are she already knows how much she hurt you and telling her again won't help either of you.

 

Take care!

 

IV

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i have sent a letter to my ex-boyfriend, poured my heart out to him in that letter, and in the end, i got a 'get the hell out of my life' and he cheated on me twice. don't send the letter. don't. trust me, she knows what she has already done, and if she doesn't, she will. sooner or later. don't expect her to come out with a flying banner saying, 'i know what i've done wrong, sorry'. it's not going to happen. don't send the letter and let it go.

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I really am not looking for a response. I would rather not communicate with her at all anymore. Like I said I just wrote this to get things off my chest. I think she needs to hear them. For peace of mind I just want to know that I communicated these things to her. I dont care if she takes them and uses them or just throws the letter away.

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Sending this letter is not going to accomplish what you want it to. You may need to write many letters through the healing, but sending any of them would be a mistake.

 

Not contacting her, or responding to her, is the best thing that you can do. Use the emotions you are feeling and turn them into improving yourself. Do all the things you love that you have put aside for her. If you see her, let her see how happy you are without her, and how well you are doing in your life. Show her that you are strong, and happy. That is attractive, and will hurt and bother her much more than sending her any type of desperate signals.

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DO NOT SEND THIS LETTER!.

 

I read it and it is obvious that you are hurt. Do you really want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that you are that hurt over her? That gives her power.

 

Trust me, I have received letters like this from women that REALLY REALLY loved me but I just didn't share those same feelings. All those letters did for me was make me laugh. I told these girls like your ex told you "I don't want to be with you anymore".

 

This letter sounds like a desperate cry for help and just by reading it, I can tell that she still has a firm hold on your life. I know that if she were to call you up after reading it, you will put on the "I am not hurt" act and then eventually give in.

 

Best thing you can do to her is to ignore her and not tell her ANYTHING!

 

One girl did this to me after I called it off with her. She didn't call, text, email or write me. ***POOF!!!! GONE! Never to be heard from again.

 

I broke up with her because I didn't like her but when she cut ME off... I somehow was attracted to that lol. Go figure.

 

I tried to call her a couple times and then finally about 2 months later she answered and kept things really short. Told me how great she was doing and that she would call me later. She never did.

 

I was not hurt by it because I know her and I never would have worked out but it was the fact that she acted as if my breaking up with her didn't bother her that made me so attracted to her again lol.

 

Do this iwth your ex. No news is the worst news to a girl like her. She may or may not contact you in the future but at least you know that she will hurt more from not hearing from you then by reading your love cry letter.

 

Good luck.

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This letter sounds like a desperate cry for help and just by reading it, I can tell that she still has a firm hold on your life.

 

Believe me it was not meant to be a cry for help. What I wanted to get accross to her is that you cant treat people like this and think that you havent done anything wrong.

 

Believe me I do not what anything more to do with her. Wednesday night was the last straw (as I said in my letter).

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The message you want her to receive, is not the message that she is going to get.

 

I can't believe that you don't want anything more to do with her, or you wouldn't have written the letter, and want to send it to her.

 

You are in an emotional turmoil, and one minute you will not want to have anything to do with her, and the next you will be desperate to have her, and so the merry-go-round goes.

 

She has not lived up to your expectations, and now she must pay. It doesn't work that way. You are wanting to lay blame, for your feelings. Only you are responsible for your own feelings.

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Then make it the last straw. Don't send her this letter. SHE will take it as a cry for help, I promise you.

 

Just let her go. Nothing needs to be said to her. She knows what she did, she knows how you feel and she does not care. What makes you think that she will care about this letter. It is old news to her. She has moved on.

 

You would be a better man if you don't send this.

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Believe me it was not meant to be a cry for help. What I wanted to get accross to her is that you cant treat people like this and think that you havent done anything wrong.

 

Believe me I do not what anything more to do with her. Wednesday night was the last straw (as I said in my letter).

 

Sorry, I don't believe you.

 

You can say it's not a cry for help. It sure sounds like one, reading it.

 

You can say that it's intended to make her realize that she can't treat people like crap and get away with it. Well, if this woman would take a crap on your heart, you really think that a letter is going to change her mind? "Oh my heavens... I've been such a horrible person. Thankfully this letter has changed my life." Yeah right. Doesn't work that way.

 

You say you don't want anything more to do with her? I'm calling your bluff. If you didn't want anything more to do with her, you wouldnt' send the letter. This letter will fuel the drama treadmill, and you know it. If you really wanted to be DONE, you wouldn't sent it.

 

I'm being intentionally abrupt because I see that you are not quite in touch with reality due to your pain. I hope that you seriously consider what each and every response to your thread is saying. I wish you the best, ok?

 

YS

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I can't believe that you don't want anything more to do with her, or you wouldn't have written the letter, and want to send it to her.

 

I really dont just for the fact that this situation didnt start a week or month ago, it has been going on for a while. I was healing and she had to open up the wounds on Wednesday. I want that to stop. I was in total NC for 7 weeks and doing fairly well. Maybe this letter goes over and above that but I really feel like she needs to know. I guess what I want to convey is "STOP"!

 

She still wants to keep me at arms reach...she has in the past. I dont want to get myself back in that situation.

 

I look at it as closure for me.

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If you send it, it is not closure. Don't allow her to keep you at arms length, and that is what this letter is doing. I have no idea what happened on Wednesday, but if you acknowledge whatever it is, than you are only giving her power.

 

You will send the letter, because every person here has told you what a mistake it will be to do it, and you continue to defend why you have to. Done is done, stop is stop. So be done and STOP.

 

If I were you, I would have to ask myself why I need to punish myself, and hurt myself, because that is exactly what sending this letter is going to do.

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Sorry, I don't believe you.

 

You can say it's not a cry for help. It sure sounds like one, reading it.

 

I'm being intentionally abrupt because I see that you are not quite in touch with reality due to your pain. I hope that you seriously consider what each and every response to your thread is saying. I wish you the best, ok?

 

YS

 

Wasnt my intention at all to cry for help. Guess I can see that though.

 

Abrupt is fine. I was looking for some good advice and I got it.

 

Thank you!!

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  • 3 months later...
Then make it the last straw. Don't send her this letter. SHE will take it as a cry for help, I promise you.

 

Just let her go. Nothing needs to be said to her. She knows what she did, she knows how you feel and she does not care. What makes you think that she will care about this letter. It is old news to her. She has moved on.

 

You would be a better man if you don't send this.

 

wow, I wish I read this 9 months ago when I made the stupid mistake of writing a letter to my ex.

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