Day 13 and the dark clouds are lifting

[jonpf]

So I reach day 13 of NC, an achievement I thought was impossible 2 weeks ago, and as my title suggests, the dark clouds are starting to clear.

 

Tuesday was a tough day, with it being her birthday and knowing she was away with another dude, and I very nearly broke NC, but I stayed strong and resisted the urge and made it through the day.

 

Since then, my feelings and thoughts about her have changed. I've reached the stage where the only upset I now feel is through anger. I'm angry that she took advantage of my good nature and generosity, and that she used me to make herself feel better and then discarded me off hand. I'm also angry with myself I guess for allowing someone to do this to me. All in all though, I feel this change in my midset is a positive one.

 

I'm starting to rediscover the real me, my confidence and self-belief is creeping back. I think of her less and less, she's no longer in my head as soon as I wake up or as I go to sleep, I can feel her poison escaping my system....

 

NC has given me the clarity of thought I was lacking and enabled me to look at things from a more rational point of view.......it's not been easy, there's still so much that I want to say to her, but I know I will never hear what I want, the questions will never be answered. Oh well, one day she will regret what she gave up. Time to let go now.........