This isn't going to work, so why can't I let go?

[Pocket Rocket]

This isn't going to work so why can't I let go?

 

For the summarised version of why I know this isn't going to work - I'm leaving the country and she's 'confused' about her feelings for her ex. I know I need to break this off but I keep reasoning myself into keeping this going.

 

A few months ago I met a girl online and we chatted, just as friends because I knew she had a girlfriend at the time. Then she started falling for me and telling me she wanted to break up with her ex. i should have seen a massive red flag right then. By this point i liked her but told her she should only break up with her ex if she wanted to for her own sake, and we should stay friends. I was a couple of weeks away from knowing whether I'd be leaving the country and she knew that too.

 

Eventually she did break up with her ex but i was still very very hesitant. She kept chasing after me and I was being very cautious. This whole time I've done nothing but be cautious even though I've fallen for her. It's been very intense ever since and when I learned I'd have to leave the country for my new job, she kept asking me to stay (I kept having to say no). We talked nearly every day and she kept prompting me about how i feel about her. I've been holding back because this all feels pretty precarious.

 

Then a week earlier she told me she thinks she loves me. i was stunned, but i was honest with her and told her I wasn't ready to say the same yet. She kept apologising for it, I kept telling her there's nothing to apologise for, and now she's withdrawn. Part of the reason she's withdrawn I think is also because of her ex. They still talk to each other and her ex keeps trying to get her back. So far she's said no, but I can tell she doesn't know what she wants.

 

I think I deserve to be with someone who knows what they want. We tried to figure out how to make it work but whichever way I look I'll end up losing her. Only question is, when? She could have all of me if she wanted but right now i don't feel I could ever 'have' her. Something's different and this halfway 'don't-know-what-this-is' thing is driving me nuts and it really hurts sometimes.

 

I miss her (we don't talk as much because I'm abroad for holidays and she's become distant) and at the same time I feel I need to end this, but the minute we start talking it's like the sudden onset of amnesia. I haven't told her how I feel about all this, but again I'm just scared to lose her, which is inevitable. I want to tell her how much I like her and can't stand this, but I need to end this and I have no idea how to do that. What on earth am I going to do?

[nutbrownhare]

Your leaving the country is double-edged, isn't it? Whilst it means that there's no way this relationship would work because of it, it also means that shortly you will have the opportunity to start the next chapter of your life.

 

Reading between the lines of what you say (I could be totally wrong about this), I'm wondering if she has problems around emotional commitment in any case. Why was she chatting with others online, for example, when she was already in a relationship? Your comment about you never being able to 'have' her is a perceptive one, and I wonder if one of the reasons she's pursued you so relentlessly is because you ARE about to leave, and it thereforee feels 'safe'.

 

When you've actually left and are settled in a new place your perspective on this may well change; you're really in a state of flux at the moment and it will be difficult to make decisions about many things. You are a sensitive, perceptive person and I'm sure will find the right way to deal with your predicament when the time is right!

 

Hope this helps!

[Pocket Rocket]

Hi nutbrownhare, thank you for the reply. What you've said might be true, the thing about doing things online or over the phone is that you can never really tell what's going on. She broke up with her ex before I heard the news (new job abroad) and started pursuing me before then, it's only now things have gone cold.

 

When I started talking to her it stated very clearly on her profile that she was in a relationship and it really didn't sound like one she was prepared to leave, but I could of course be wrong. I don't even know why I'm arguing this point, I really should let her go, I just don't know how ](*,)

[ghost69]

i'm single!! haha, jk you are good lookin.

 

i think you should move on. the more you do stay in contact you are just potentially dragging your own heart in the dirt. let her go. if you find out later she is in fact 100% single, then you can evaluate if you want to give it a shot. but until that point, don't think about this anymore.

[Pocket Rocket]

i'm single!! haha, jk you are good lookin.

 

i think you should move on. the more you do stay in contact you are just potentially dragging your own heart in the dirt. let her go. if you find out later she is in fact 100% single, then you can evaluate if you want to give it a shot. but until that point, don't think about this anymore.

 

hehe thank you for the sweet comment ghost. You're right about me dragging my heart through the mud, it certainly feels like it. I need to find some way to come clean and break it off with her.

[ghost69]

hehe thank you for the sweet comment ghost. You're right about me dragging my heart through the mud, it certainly feels like it. I need to find some way to come clean and break it off with her.

 

don't break it off because it's her and her situation sucks. do it because it's you and you don't do this to yourself. that make sense?

[sunset sun rise lover]

You Seem like you need some help since she just broke up with her former girlfriend i don't think she is quite over it and with you moving out of country she doesn't want to lose you yet she doesn't have a clue what she really wants so until then just be a friend and when she is a hundred percent sure she is single then if you want to then experiment her ok hope this helps