confused... Dating advice?

[pamplemousse]

So let's dive in.... There's a guy who is probably the first guy I've been attracted to on many levels, he's so cute, we both would enjoy each other in a relationship. The only thing that's stopping me from saying yes to that relationship is my best friend hates him. We all used to be good friends until about a month and a half ago, when they and another friend got really drunk (to the point where there are big memory gaps), and my best friend and the guy I've developed feelings for had sex. She doesn't remember giving consent, and now she hates him for that night. She won't speak to him.

I'm pretty sure if he and I dated, she'd never forgive me and it would ruin our friendship.

So... dilemma. Follow my heart with this guy, which may or may not last as a boyfriend, or follow my head by not dating him and maintaining a friendship with the girl, who may or may not last as a friend?

Comments, concerns, suggestions?

Thank you in advance, I appreciate this so much.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It is entirely very possible that your friend is refusing to take responsibility for her actions. She is angry at herself for having sex with him so she is trying to twist the blame around. Who knows what the real story is...maybe she wanted a relationship with him and after the deed was done he said it was just a drunken mistake...so she is upset with him. I don't think you should concern yourself with her considering this guy was not a boyfriend, it was someone she stupidly (and willingly) spread her legs for in a drunken hookup...but being drunk is no excuse). As for the guy, well...I think the fact that he is the type of person who hooks up with random people for one night stands would be a big turn-off for me.

[cruzer]

Regardless of what really happened

1. he was not in a relationship and had sex with ur friend (bad, atleast to me, but i guess most people do 1 night stands)

2. your friend is being(or would be if u guys started a relationship and she got upset) selfish and putting herself and her problems into the situation so u cannot be happy which is not something i would consider a good friend to do. it would be different if u did not know how the guy was and she was trying to look after you and warn you.

 

i wish u luck because whatever you chose other than neutral u will more than likely lose one of them.

[ghost69]

who cares what your friend thinks of him. date who you want.

[abitbroken]

Date who you want. But if this guy got drunk to the point of memory gaps...do you want to be in a relationship with someone like that? A relationship is not just about attraction. I am not a prude, but if a guy let himself get so out of control, he had sex that he doesn't or barely remembers and had a major list timeline, for me personally I would stay away.

[ghost69]

i've gotten pretty wasted plenty of times. i have memory gaps too. but i always remember having sex with someone and who it was. did they guy say he forgets having sex with her? i know you said she doesn't remember if she gave him consent or not. i'm sure she did. she probably resents him because she liked him, she got drunk and her inhibitions went down, they hooked up, blah blah blah, but he really doesn't want to date her or anything. so she feels that is messed up and makes her look stupid or something. something like 'i don't just hook up with guys like that' trying to save face.

 

i don't know how long they have known each other before this happened, but i meet new girls all the time. if we hook up, sometimes they get bitter like i owe them a relationship or something. then they get all anxious, pissed off, etc when i don't return that feeling.

[lady00]

I thought that a person who is drunk couldn't legally give consent to sex? At least that is what they told me in college during orientation.

 

Friend vs. boyfriend...tough call. I have no answers...just what I think is legally true...but I could be misremembering what I was told.

 

Anyway, if I were deciding this, I would not get together with the guy if I felt like my friend was being truthful.

 

For you, I think it really all depends on how willing you are to lose your best friend. I would imagine that if you get together with this guy, your friendship with her will end.