Give up?

[hers]

There's a guy I've been talking to off of Plenty of Fish and he's really cool. We made plans to meet up last night. He called me (call, not text or email) to cancel last night b/c he was still hungover from the night before (he went to a concert and I guess got wasted?) and said he just wasn't at his best, and he asked if we could meet up tonight instead. I said sure. We emailed a little throughout the night.

 

He writes me a text while he's at work today asking to cancel again b/c he's had a bad day at work and he's not feeling well. He said he wants to make it up to me. I tell him if he's not interested, it's cool and I understand but just be honest if that's what it is. He wrote back and said that's not it, he promises, he wants to go out and will make it up to me but if I give up on him then he'll understand. I tell him when I'm available (which will only be this weekend, and then nothing else till after the new year).

 

He writes back a little while later when he gets back home and says he's sorry again and he sucks and he's enjoying the laziness tonight. I write back and ask if he'd at least like some company instead of going out. No response to that.

 

Should I give up on him? I HATE cancellers. I think it's rude. One time is ok but twice in a row sucks.

 

PS--I'm not interested in him long-term for one very big reason, but I was thinking we could either get it on or just be friends, and he said that's cool, he's up for that. That discussion was before we had plans to meet.

[JadedStar]

This is rude, but you know I get the feeling Hers that he is just having a bit of cold feet due to nerves. Normally i'd say just move on, no interest. I might even suggest that now but i don't think it is because of zero interest. If he is new to online dating he might be scared witless. I remember when i first did online dating i had to FORCE myself to actually get dressed and go meet up. I hated those first meet ups with such a fierce passion. It takes a lot of gumption to do it. For me it wasn't fear, it was just total apathy to actually get up and go. It didn't mean i had zero interest in the guy in question it was just hard for me to make that first step, i.e. first meet up.

 

That COULD be what is going on with him, especially since he did email you tonight to say he is enjoying the laziness. It sounds like he took the path of least resistance and chickened out.

 

That being said, maybe give him ONE more chance. It could be once he actually goes he'll have a great time and feel foolish for his resistance IF this is what is going on.

 

No harm in giving it one more chance if you really think he seems cool. Normally i never advise this, but something in my gut says that he might just be nervous about that first meet.

[waveseer]

It doesn't really matter what his deal is, he's already shown you what to expect from any type of relationship with him. He's rude.

[hers]

It doesn't really matter what his deal is, he's already shown you what to expect from any type of relationship with him. He's rude.

 

Well I don't really care about dating him. It'd either be friends or sex. Probably even just sex. So i woudln't mind keeping him around for just that if the chemistry is right.

[looking_up]

Sounds like hes married

[hers]

Thanks JS. In our emails he's talked about meeting people offline before, so I don't think that's it.

 

AC/DC came through the night before and he went and saw that and he said he just had too much to drink, and he said he just smelled like hangover despite taking a shower. I thought that was funny and told him I understood.

 

Tonight he just said he had a bad day at work. Sigh.

[hers]

Sounds like hes married

 

How so?........

[looking_up]

He has made last minute excuses several time, I had a guy flake on me several times, he used business trips and or meetings.

 

My sister pointed out that's what married men do. 6 months later, found out she was right. (I wasn't dating him the whole time, bailing on me 3 times in a row was enough for me to know I didn't want to date him)

 

that was the first thing that came to mind when you described his behavior

[JadedStar]

If you truly do not think its a case of cold feet i'm not sure i'd suggest giving him anymore chances, but since you are of the mindset he'd just be an FWB that would be up to you to decide.

[hers]

I dunno. I don't care about that right now. I just really wanted to get some tonight. I'm more annoyed about that haha.

[NJRon]

Doesn't sound like it's cold feet... sounds like he knows it's just a booty call or friends... not much incentive. He'll call when he's horny. If that's all you're looking for, then why are you so concerned about him acting the way he is?

[hers]

If you truly do not think its a case of cold feet i'm not sure i'd suggest giving him anymore chances, but since you are of the mindset he'd just be an FWB that would be up to you to decide.

 

Yeah I was pretty honest with him that I'd be up for meeting him but I'm not interested in him long-term (he wants kids one day, I very much don't) but if he wants to meet to become friends or even just to hook up sometime, I'm fine with that. He said he thought the same thing (no long-term potential) and said he's down with meeting to see what happens.

 

i dunno though--he called instead of emailing or texting, today he texted only b/c he was working, he siad he really wants to make it up to me, he said he'd understand if I gave up on him (b/c when he called yesterday I joked that if he cancels on me tomorrow--today now--that I'm giving up on him) but he said he's definitely interested. When I asked if he's not interested, he insisted it's not that at all. Considering dude a couple weeks ago up and disappeared on me, I felt a little insecure about it I guess.

[hers]

Doesn't sound like it's cold feet... sounds like he knows it's just a booty call or friends... not much incentive. He'll call when he's horny. If that's all you're looking for, then why are you so concerned about him acting the way he is?

 

B/c I want to get some...I haven't had good sex in such a long time and it's starting to get to me haha.

[DaBladeRoden]

Was he wanting something more initially but when you said you just wanted sex he was more like "oh ok"

[hers]

Was he wanting something more initially but when you said you just wanted sex he was more like "oh ok"

 

Well over the course of our emails together, he asked me why I don't want kids (it's on my profile that I dont), and I gave him my reasons. He wrote back saying how he wants them one day and how he can't see himself not having them, so we probably woudln't get along well in that sense. But we kept emailing b/c he's a cool guy.

[NJRon]

B/c I want to get some...I haven't had good sex in such a long time and it's starting to get to me haha.

 

How do you know he would be good sex? It should be pretty easy to find soemone for sex if he's blowing you off.

[hers]

How do you know he would be good sex? It should be pretty easy to find soemone for sex if he's blowing you off.

 

Who knows if he'd be good, but I'm willing to try. My current FWB is so bad in bed that I'm giving up.

 

I met a guy this past saturday off of Plenty of Fish and he is SO nice and I'm very attracted to him. After dude yesterday canceled, that guy called and asked if I'd like to go to dinner, so we went to dinner last night. I don't know if he's interested in me though--he just moved here and is looking for mainly friends, so for now I'm just enjoying his company and getting to know him. But I could see myself dating him if he'd be up for it.

 

In the meantime, girl's gotta eat.

[My Advice]

 

PS--I'm not interested in him long-term for one very big reason, but I was thinking we could either get it on or just be friends, and he said that's cool, he's up for that. That discussion was before we had plans to meet.

 

lol about the get it on part.

 

 

I say put on your sharpest high heels and curb kick this one immediately.

 

Guy get's a chance to make a new friend who he can possibly get it on with and he keeps canceling. F him. I don't do that twice to people I am not even considering getting naked in front of, let alone potential sex partners. His loss.

[DaBladeRoden]

If you just want sex I'm sure it'll be easier for you to get than having to put up with this guy.

[hers]

lol about the get it on part.

 

 

I say put on your sharpest high heels and curb kick this one immediately.

 

Guy get's a chance to make a new friend who he can possibly get it on with and he keeps canceling. F him. I don't do that twice to people I am not even considering getting naked in front of, let alone potential sex partners. His loss.

 

That's sort of how I see it too. Who gives up on sex for a night on the couch? And then doesn't write back when the girl asks if he's up for company??

[My Advice]

That's sort of how I see it too. Who gives up on sex for a night on the couch? And then doesn't write back when the girl asks if he's up for company??

 

Maybe Richard Simmons was on, or maybe his urge for something other than a big fat penis passed him by. No straight guy I know behaves this way about decent looking women. My gay friends are the only guys I know who blow off women who want to have sex with them, and not in the way those women would like.

[hers]

I feel like it's worth another shot b/c when I straight up asked him to just tell me if he's not interested, he said "It's not that at all. It'st just one of those days where I need to be on the couch and not be hungover".

[My Advice]

I feel like it's worth another shot b/c when I straight up asked him to just tell me if he's not interested, he said "It's not that at all. It'st just one of those days where I need to be on the couch and not be hungover".

 

Her which is why you should move on. The more you invest in someone who is acting this way, the quicker you find yourself feeling something for somebody who doesn't appreciate it.

 

Don't give up completely but if he wants inside of you let him do all the work now and focus on somebody else, multiple people, but don't put out till you find one who isn't gonna be a flake.

[hers]

Her which is why you should move on. The more you invest in someone who is acting this way, the quicker you find yourself feeling something for somebody who doesn't appreciate it.

 

Don't give up completely but if he wants inside of you let him do all the work now and focus on somebody else, multiple people, but don't put out till you find one who isn't gonna be a flake.

 

I dont think I'd feel anything for him other than friendship or sex. When I know I won't be into someone long term, it's pretty easy to detach emotionally from the situation and focus on other "things" if I want that.

 

I told him i'm available tomorrow, saturday, and sunday, but after that I wont be available till after I get back from FL on the 4th.

[My Advice]

I dont think I'd feel anything for him other than friendship or sex. When I know I won't be into someone long term, it's pretty easy to detach emotionally from the situation and focus on other "things" if I want that.

 

I told him i'm available tomorrow, saturday, and sunday, but after that I wont be available till after I get back from FL on the 4th.

 

hersmudder well you know yourself a lot better than I do so it sounds like you have the situation under control. I still get bad vibes, but I have been wrong before. Just don't give him a third chance.