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Seeing her soon - need advice


NudeMoonbase

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Okay, I'll try to make this short. I was with my girlfriend for 1.5 years (she's almost 22, I'm almost 24). We broke up last May, shortly after I graduated (we went to the same school, she has one semester left). The last semester together was difficult and while the choice to break up was mutual, it quickly became obvious that I missed her way more than she missed me. I was all the wrong things after we broke up, basically being needy and sad and asking to get back together, while she seemed fine with it, although she was upset because I kept making her feel bad about the breakup.

 

So, in September she left for a study abroad program in South America (one of the reasons we broke up, but not the only one). I moved to NYC to try and find a job and get away from her memory. Couldn't find a job, went through savings, and ended up moving back home, which is the same town my school is in. She's coming back to her home near the city in a few days and I'm going to be back in the city visiting friends, and we have tentative plans to see each other. I've been deeply depressed the last six months over her and other things whereas she has been having a great time, which kills me. We have a friendly email rapport and talked on a phone a bit while she's been away, but while I've tried to stay cool a few times recently I've indicated that I miss her, and she would be reserved about it. All this time she's said she considers me her best friend, but avoids saying anything about getting back together one way or the other.

 

This was my first long term relationship. We spent most days together at school and lived together over the summer before we broke up. She used to be so in love with me, but I blame myself for pushing her away because I was stressed out about school at the end (and other reasons). After the breakup her love for me seemed to simply vanished, but mine never went away. We are perfect together in so many ways, and when I date other women it just feels wrong. I love her deeply and want her back. We're going to be living in the same town when school starts and she says she wants to be friends, but when I insinuated something about getting back together she wouldn't comment, so there's some uncertainty.

 

I don't know what's going to happen when I see her, but I suspect we'll have drinks and she'll keep that "friendly distance" between us. Is it better to just tell her how I feel, give it time, or go NC? I know she isn't lying when she says she doesn't want to lose my friendship, and I think that if I commit to NC she might start to miss me now that she's not out having adventures. But maybe my chances are better if I'm just a good friend, or maybe that's just a fantasy. I'm so confused. We've been through so much together and loved each other so deeply, and then she just stopped. If I can't have her back I don't know if I could bear to be her friend, but I don't want to ruin my chances of getting back together by going NC, if that's what's going to happen if I do.

 

I know nobody can really say what will happen or what the best thing to do is, but anything at this point would help. I love her so much and the past six months without her have been the most difficult of my life, which is saying something. The only consolation is that she didn't leave me for another guy (though she very well might have dated while away, I don't know).

 

Sorry, that wasn't short at all.

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I don't think you should flat out tell her you want her back. You have "hinted" you wanted to get back together and she has "hinted" that she doesn't. You already have your answer.

 

If you go NC, it should be to give you the space to get over her, not as an attempt to make her want you back.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Break ups really suck. You say you broke up for "other reasons". Maybe if you provided more information about it we could offer you more advice. If not to get this relationship back together then at least to know what not to do in the future with a new person.

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I don't think you should flat out tell her you want her back. You have "hinted" you wanted to get back together and she has "hinted" that she doesn't. You already have your answer.

 

If you go NC, it should be to give you the space to get over her, not as an attempt to make her want you back.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Break ups really suck. You say you broke up for "other reasons". Maybe if you provided more information about it we could offer you more advice. If not to get this relationship back together then at least to know what not to do in the future with a new person.

 

Thanks for your reply. As to why we broke up, it's kind of hard to explain. We're so much alike in personality (including depressive and reserved) that it got to the point where we were like a mirror with nothing in between, if that makes any sense. I took her for granted and I guess treated her a bit like a burden at times (though I feel this way about most girls I'm with for any amount of time) and she stopped putting into the relationship when she started to feel unloved. Thing is, we both know all this; we've talked about it at length, and each knows the other inside and out. I guess we both lacked the confidence to make each other comfortable day in and day out. Plus there's the whole "I have to be single for a while and find myself" line...

 

This is really hurting me...I've spent, wasted, six months because I was basically an empty husk of a man over this girl, and the worst is probably to come when she rejects me and I have to tip-toe around my whole fing town, knowing I'm the one who ruined everything.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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