There is hope...

[czjnkn]

For everyone that's recently broke up or still can't get over that last person in their life or feels like theres no hope and things will never get better I give you this...

 

I've been in your shoes. I've felt that horrible pain in my chest and stomach. I've laid around for weeks thinking about nothing but my ex, wondering what she's doing, who she's with, etc. I've sat on enotalone all day long and posted a 5 page long post anytime a minut thing happened between the ex and I. I've sat at my post constantly refreshing the page waiting for someone to reply hoping they had the definitive answer to my problem and whatever advice they gave would magically make my ex want to be with me again.

 

Love is an awesome and * * * * ty thing. It can make you feel the best and the worst you've ever felt in your life. It's not easy getting over somebody you love and no, it's not going to happen in just a week or two. Yes, following most of the advice on these boards is the best thing to try and do, but it definitely isn't as easy as it is to type.

 

Halting contact completely with your SO is probably one of the hardest things to do in the world. It's easy for someone to come onto a message board and say "stop talking to your ex, delete their myspace/facebook, hang out with your friends all the time, get a hobby, workout, start dating, etc.". However, the majority of those things seem completely impossible after a breakup. The last thing you want to do after breaking up is stop talking to the person you find so important in your life. You've probably spent a the majority or a great deal of your time with this person and are used to seeing them or talking to them everyday and I'm sure cutting contact seems ridiculous. Hanging out with friends isn't always possible all the time and it may be hard if you have the same circle of friends as the ex. Deleting their myspace/facebook has seemed to become an awful dilemma nowdays. People equate deleting them as friends almost as you want them dead, however this is definitely neccesary to get you through NC. Seeing their relationship status and updates, along with pictures will usually be very detrimental and will most likely get your mind racing and thinking constantly until you relaize you're reaching for the phone to call.

 

Dating seems like the most foolish thing someone can suggest, because you know your ex is the person for you. They're the most beautiful, intelligent, caring, awesome person ever and your perfect match. But once you start meeting new people you'll find that not everyone has that little tendency that annoys you, or are impatient, or any other flaw that your ex had that you may have overlooked.

 

In time things will get better, but theres no telling how long it will take. Case in point, me. It has been just over a year since my ex broke up with me and it wasn't until last month that I was over her. I can confidently say today was the first time that I actually thought about it. I wondered to myself, if I walked into a bar and saw her with another guy tonight kissing her and knowing he was taking her home, would I be upset. Even just 2 months ago, after nearly a year after the breakup, I would have said yes. I wouldve been upset. I would have that horrible feeling in my stomach and wouldn't stop thinking about it for a week.

 

The difference is I finally got to the point of NC with her. I did start hanging out with friends more, I did start dating. It didn't all just happen at once and no, it wasn't very sudden after the breakup, but it eventually happened. Now I can say with a certainty that I wouldn't be upset to see my ex with someone because I have found someone else. We've all heard the saying "the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else". That's not what I'm saying, but in a way it is. I didn't go out and have sex with someone and was over my ex, but once I found someone else and had a connection with them, thoughts of my ex just disappeared. You can still care about your ex without being in love with them and I think thats the point im at and I'm finally happy again. It works different for some people. After some time apart couples can get back together and work things out, but don't take your time apart hoping and praying that this is going to happen because 95% of the time, it wont.

 

So the point of all this is, theres no definitive answer to how long it will take to get over your ex or what you'll have to do to get over them or if you'll be back together. But in time things will come together and you'll see that you can be happy again, with or without them.

[waveseer]

Beautiful post, thank you very much.

[KrayzieBeautiful]

great post! i love a good read... especially this type!

 

best wishes czjnkn!