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why doesn't he just call


ladylay

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Ok, so I went to visit my parents for a few days leaving my boyfriend 2 hours away. This was about 36 hours ago and I still haven't heard from him. No: how was your drive? are you there safely? I haven't received a phone call or email or anything. I have called a billion times (his phone was broken when I left but he promised to get it fixed) and I have called his work and written 3 emails over the past 12 hours. He is terrible with the phone, but usually not this terrible, and he knows how much it upsets me when he doesn't call. Now I am getting worried....about what might be wrong. I know that the calling has been a bit excessive but...I don't know.

 

What should I do? Should I leave my parents early and go see if he is ok? If he is ok (which I suspect he is) and he has just been ignoring me what should I do? I have been feeling ignored by him for quite some time. He tells me he loves me and takes me out to dinner and is sweet in those ways, but it seems like he would rather do other leisure activities than hang out with me (even on my birthday he chose to play a video game when he knew I was meeting up with my sister and brother in law for cake)

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You have set a level of expectation in this relationship that you almost demand be met....he probably sees you as needy and demanding.....just because you may have phoned him if the situation was reversed doesnt mean he will feel obliged to do the same..I would bet hes going arrrggghh about all the emails etc...now you have placed pressure on him to have a darn good reason why he didint call.. WHY? because you EXPECTED him to...WHY? becasue you would of....An expectation is nothing short of a disappointment...its not really that important that he didnt phone...had HE felt it was he would of....I think IF you normally hunt him down in this fashion demanding a reason why he has or hasnt met your expectations for any reason would be a darn good way to make him want to distance himself a little from you. You have got to remember he is an individual, his priorities may differ from yours...Find the balance and level of acceptance needed in this relationship or EXPECT more disappointments.....I am guessing this isnt the first one..Dont get so wound up over it all.....its probably nothing much at all...

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I would just back off a bit . I mean maybe he is not the sort of person who is very possessive.

 

Its just a matter of different personalities, you are too engrossed in the relationship, while he proably sleeping or playing a video game or something.

 

What i am saying is that you have to make a decision, if he cares then maybe you are misunderstanding him, or you dont like the way he shows he cares.

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In this situation I would just back off because really 36 hours isn't that long, my boyfriend goes 5 days without calling me at a time. But he has his reasons and his priorities are his patients since he's a doctor but that doesn't necessarily make me an option. It's just his priorities are different than mine and I've come to accept it. The more you reach out to him the more he'll want to distance himself, to him you're freaking out and according to my boyfriend that doesn't help the relationship at all.

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My advice is to talk to him about all of this when you see him next. Definitely talk to him in person, and try to be calm. Make statements like, "I felt x when y happened." For example, "I was worried when I did not hear from you." Also let him know how you want the future to look.

 

I personally have told my boyfriend that I want us to communicate in some form (text or phone call) at least every few days while apart, because it makes me feel more connected and closer to him.

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i think ready2heal is right here... do not sell your vacation with your family short to chase after him if this is typical behavior. if you really thought something was wrong, i would say you should look into the situation. given that he chooses to do this frequently, you should not give up your holiday to chase him. he's an adult, he has a phone, i'm guessing he isn't spending the holidays in siberia... there is generally internet or access to a phone anywhere he goes... i will take back my post if he is spending the holidays with his luddite or amish family. focus on having a good time, and don't spend your break chasing him. if he wants to talk to you, he will call.

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You're driving him away. Back off, back far off, and when you speak to him next I'd apologize for the barrage of calls/emails.

 

There's been occasions where I was about to respond to a message from someone earlier, only for them to barrage me with a bunch more messages before I reply to the first one. In which case I scrap the idea of talking to them all together.

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Calling him a bunch is going to make you seem like a bug a boo like Destiny's Child would say... Although, you might have done this in the past, you can stop now! People in general hate being smothered, this is probably what you have been doing.. As a result you have reinforced his already present belief, that you are dispensable. Apologize for the emails and what not.. Additionally, take a hiatus without telling him (imitate his behavior), to see if you are a priority or an option. Then you will see things crystal clear... Love is a game..

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Im surprised by the answers here but can see what the other posters mean and for that reason this post has been quite insightful for me.

 

If I were to travel or whatever I would expect a phonecall or text well before 36 hours were up but maybe that's just what I have been used to.

 

I didn't realise that it was that common that some peoples partners do not have any contact for days at a time. Maybe I have a warped view of relationships lol I am currently seeing where things go with an ex and we are in contact every day and we are not even together.

 

This post has helped me though and made me think about neediness.

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