Just...ugh.

[jengh]

I haven't been sleeping the past couple of months. It's 7am here and I'm still awake, I've tried everything (natural things, no caffeine, waking up early, etc).

 

I've had a lot of random things on my mind lately. I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and it dawned on me: I don't care if I live or die. I'm not in any way suicidal so please spare me those words. Have you ever felt like you just really don't care either way? Obviously, I have a million and one things that keep me going but when it all comes down to it, I still don't care.

 

I don't really get it, to be honest. I'm doing well in school, I have an amazing apartment, my parents are wonderful, friends are a bit lacking these days but the ones I have are there when I need them... but I feel like something is missing. I don't think John has anything to do with it either. Yes, I miss him like crazy but I've accepted the fact that the timing was just not right. He's not the root of the problem because I felt the same way before we broke up.

 

I guess I've never really cared one way or the other what fate brings me. I have things to look forward to, I'm going to be applying for study abroad which is something I've always wanted to do. But these are all just things. Meaningless, pointless things.

 

I guess I'm depressed. I get seasonal affective disorder every winter and maybe it's just starting to sink in. I have a sun lamp on my desk, that seems to help a bit. I eat healthy (trying to go back to being vegetarian even), do yoga in my apartment. But, ugh. Just ugh.

 

I have a lot more random thoughts but I won't drag this on any longer than it has to be.

 

I'm not really asking anything specific here. People that can relate to the way I'm feeling, please respond...

 

I've been thinking about things for awhile but have been too scared to post. I feel like so many people here have it so much worse than I do and I feel guilty for taking up other posters' time with my meaningless banter. But, I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest.

 

Thanks.

[waveseer]

I've been in the state you're describing before and it was usually before I took a risk to try something new. The missing thing could be anything, but it was always something I found enjoyable or important. Would you consider volunteering a few hours a week? That was always good for helping me feel like I was making a difference by being alive, even in a small way.

[ImThatGirl]

I don't know what to say, Sweetie. Besides you are a wonderful girl, wonderful, wonderful!!! And I'm so terribly sorry you are feeling bad!

 

Is there any kind of project that you can take on? Something to really make you feel that zest for life? Like your artwork..... Anything at all you can do with that?

 

The holidays are upon us. Are you going home for a couple weeks?

 

Do you feel as though you are taking risks because of this thought that you just don't care about life one way or the other? Or are you just kinda taking it easy with a whatever happens happens focus?

 

What have you done in the past to pull out of this?

[jengh]

I've been in the state you're describing before and it was usually before I took a risk to try something new. The missing thing could be anything, but it was always something I found enjoyable or important. Would you consider volunteering a few hours a week? That was always good for helping me feel like I was making a difference by being alive, even in a small way.

 

I would absolutely consider volunteering. I've been wanting to, since I'm unemployed... however, all of the agencies here are very Christian-oriented and you need a pastor recommendation (which I think is bull because that cuts out a LOT of people who want to help). I've applied at a LOT of places (from homeless shelters to mental hospitals)

 

I don't know what to say, Sweetie. Besides you are a wonderful girl, wonderful, wonderful!!! And I'm so terribly sorry you are feeling bad!

 

Is there any kind of project that you can take on? Something to really make you feel that zest for life? Like your artwork..... Anything at all you can do with that?

 

The holidays are upon us. Are you going home for a couple weeks?

 

Do you feel as though you are taking risks because of this thought that you just don't care about life one way or the other? Or are you just kinda taking it easy with a whatever happens happens focus?

 

What have you done in the past to pull out of this?

Thank you =)

I need to find a project. I don't really know what I want to do. I made Christmas cards and that took my mind off of things. I found something I would REALLY like to paint but bah, I don't have the right acrylics for it.

 

I am going home, yes, but only for a few days. I love my parents to death but I can't handle being up there for more than a few days. They're really intense hah.

 

I'm most definitely not taking any risks, it's more that I just don't care enough to put myself out there and i have that whatever happens happens mentality.

 

I haven't really done anything in the past to get out of it...meh

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your replies. I know there really isn't much advice for this type of post and I really appreciate it.

[hers]

I had no idea you were feelin that way. I'm so sorry to read it. I've been worried about you since you haven't been leaving your house!

 

Have you looked on link removed? It's all sorts of volunteer places that advertise on there looking for volunteers. They ahve all kinds of places you can volunteer.

 

I know we've talked about meetup, and I really think you shoudl try it. Once you do the first one, the rest of them are much easier to go to and you won't feel as shy.

 

Cheer up, buttercup.

[jengh]

I had no idea you were feelin that way. I'm so sorry to read it. I've been worried about you since you haven't been leaving your house!

 

Have you looked on link removed? It's all sorts of volunteer places that advertise on there looking for volunteers. They ahve all kinds of places you can volunteer.

 

I know we've talked about meetup, and I really think you shoudl try it. Once you do the first one, the rest of them are much easier to go to and you won't feel as shy.

 

Cheer up, buttercup.

 

Thanks a lot for the reply.

 

I know, not leaving the house is bad. I managed to leave yesterday so that's SOMETHING I guess =\

 

I haven't tried link removed I've never even heard of it. I'm going to check it out. I just get so pissed that all these places require a pastor recommendation. Because, obviously, non-Christians would NEVER want to volunteer:splat:

 

Yeah, I'm going to look into meetup after the holidays, I think... I'm going up north soon and hopefully that will help some.

 

I'm just soooooo ugh

[jengh]

ps, I tried repping you guys but I need to spread the love some more Really, though--thanks!

[waveseer]

ps, I tried repping you guys but I need to spread the love some more Really, though--thanks!

 

haha, you don't need to rep me for caring, I do that because it's who I am.

 

I think you may be on the brink of a self-discovery. Just try to relax and pay attention to your thoughts. Maybe journaling would help bring it to the surface.

[heatspreader]

I have felt that way for a long time. I don't sleep but i've had that problem since I was 5. Sometimes I hate my life and I wonder what things would be like if I wasn't around, but their is no way I could ever end my life. Then I realize I really don't have such a bad life. It's just not going the way I would like it to. Sometimes I get so bored with the world. I get thoughts of moving away to a far away state and living a new life. I hardly find originality in anything anymore. I feel like the whole world is past it's prime. I think about life in general and wonder if it is really that important when you think about the whole picture. The things we do and say could be so pointless if you think about what could be going on in this entire universe. We do these things for what? So someone can remember us? Who is gonna remember ordinary people like me and you? What else can you live these some 70 years for? It all goes away in the end. It all seems like such a waste. Is this anything like what you mean?

[JadedStar]

Oh sweetie, we ALL go thru those moments of apathy. As much as i like my life i get a day on occasion where i feel nothing but apathy and want to just stop the world and get off.

 

I just dust myself off the next morning and continue the ride.

[diamond78]

Sounds like you're bored with life right now....maybe life has become stagnant for you?

 

You need to find something that you are passionate and excited about...something to look forward to when you wake up (if and whenever you do fall asleep).

 

Seems as though you are stuck in a monotous routine.

 

I've noticed that having great social interactions/activities help break my mindset when I get like you have described. I start to get that pep in my step back.

 

One thing that bothers me is that I've noticed that the older I get, the less I do....and I'm not liking that one bit. I need to get out more and just do some of the interesting things I used to do.

 

Maybe the same applies to you...?

[jengh]

Thanks so much for your response. That's EXACTLY how I feel right now. I have a good life, everything I need, most everything I want, plus people who love me. I find one quote in particular striking "I hardly find originality in anything anymore". YES YES YES. Same here.

You completely pinpointed exactly how I'm feeling. "It all seems like such a waste". Yeah, that too. Completely 100% right.

 

 

Ughhh.. i guess everyone goes through these moments... but it's longer than a moment. It's been months... I just don't care about anything.

[jengh]

Sounds like you're bored with life right now....maybe life has become stagnant for you?

 

You need to find something that you are passionate and excited about...something to look forward to when you wake up (if and whenever you do fall asleep).

 

Seems as though you are stuck in a monotous routine.

 

I've noticed that having great social interactions/activities help break my mindset when I get like you have described. I start to get that pep in my step back.

 

One thing that bothers me is that I've noticed that the older I get, the less I do....and I'm not liking that one bit. I need to get out more and just do some of the interesting things I used to do.

 

Maybe the same applies to you...?

 

Yep, this applies too. It seems like everyone who's responded can relate. It makes me feel better, honestly.

 

I am VERY bored with my life. I don't have many friends, I go to school, come home, do homework, go to bed. Day in and day out. I occasionally babysit. I rarely go out (most of my friends have boyfriends/husbands/kids).

 

I'm trying to do better. I'm in the application process for study abroad. It give ms something to look forward to...

 

I don't really have anything I'm passionate about. Come to think of it, I NEVER have... I lack passion......

 

 

 

 

 

I read this, came back an hour later and thought the same thing..."I lack passion". Something about that really bothers me....

[midnightrambler]

sounds like you need a boyfriend/husband/kids

[jengh]

sounds like you need a boyfriend/husband/kids

 

I'm just out of a long relationship.

I'm too young to get married.

I never want children.

 

 

Sooo... not so much.

[IndigoEye]

Too tired to even read your post as I jsut ended up in the ER yesterday as result of lack of sleep and palpitations when I lie down. Turns out I'm allergic to the ONE Rx I'm on.

 

Check to see if you're on any med that you may be allergic to which does this to you.

 

Good luck with it. Going to bed again, now.

[jengh]

Too tired to even read your post as I jsut ended up in the ER yesterday as result of lack of sleep and palpitations when I lie down. Turns out I'm allergic to the ONE Rx I'm on.

 

Check to see if you're on any med that you may be allergic to which does this to you.

 

Good luck with it. Going to bed again, now.

 

Eeek! I hope you're okay!!!

 

I'm not on any meds right now (just my migraine stuff, but i've taken it for years without problem). Thanks though--if I was on anything I'd be looking into it ASAP

[midnightrambler]

I'm just out of a long relationship.

I'm too young to get married.

I never want children.

 

 

Sooo... not so much.

 

guess you will be doing homework for a while longer

[jengh]

College comes first. Period. I can't be successful in a long-term relationship/marriage until I'm happy with myself. I can't be happy with myself until I become successful (of course, success varies from person to person. In this sense, success is bettering myself through education and being proud of accomplishments)

[midnightrambler]

College comes first. Period. I can't be successful in a long-term relationship/marriage until I'm happy with myself. I can't be happy with myself until I become successful (of course, success varies from person to person. In this sense, success if bettering myself through education and being proud of accomplishments)

 

you have your priorities in order....this in itself should provide you some joy.

[jengh]

you have your priorities in order....this in itself should provide you some joy.

 

It does, in a way. Minimally, but a little bit is there I guess.

 

I think the insomnia is affecting my brain.

[IndigoEye]

Thanks much. Important thing is, I found the root of the problem after a month or more. Hope the same for you.

[midnightrambler]

It does, in a way. Minimally, but a little bit is there I guess.

 

I think the insomnia is affecting my brain.

 

pay your bills and get to sleep

[jengh]

working on the bill thing...slowly, but surely.

 

It's the sleep thing that's hard!!

[McLovin oo7]

I think I feel something similar. I feel that I don’t have a fire in me anymore.

 

I have been advised to find a hobby, keep my self busy all the times.

 

You like painting. Why don’t you do that? Who knows may be you can be a professional artist one day. But right now, you should just look for something that can keep your mind busy and gives your body bit physical exercise. That might help you with your sleep.

 

These phases in our life are normal and I am sure you will get through it.