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NC to LC - need perspective


mags_7531
How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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Hello everyone!

 

Like all of you i am going through a tough break up right now. My bf broke up with me about a month and a half ago. I was confronting him about dating sites i cought him on and he eneded up breaking up with me saying were not ment to be and he may be leaving to country to move back to where his parents live.

 

First month was on and off contact and we saw eachother three times.

 

Then i decided NC was necessary for me to move on. I start that and made it 12 days which was huge for me and then caved yesterday to wish him well moving into his new house that day.

 

I went NC without telling him or explaining, basically dropped off the face of the earth. During that time got 4 messages from him, all of which i ignored.

 

1. "what are you doing"

2. "i got some 8gb memory cards from work if you want one"

3. "what are you doing tonight, want some company?"

4. "what dont you talk to me"

 

After breaking NC yesterday he responded right away saying he jsut signed the final paper and wanted to kno if i wanted to have a glass of wine with him to celebrate. I said yes.... and he came over.

 

Things were different seeing him after 12 days of NC. He seemed slightly concenered that i had moved on and was doing well. He was kinda nervous which is out of character and was affectionate.

 

We ended up sleeping together which i dreadfully regret just because i really wanted to be able to control my self but it happened anyways. We made plans for me to come over tonight and see his new place.

 

SO tonight i went over to his house with a slightly different attitude. I knew i definitly did not want to sleep with him again and just really wanted to try to be a friend to him if at all possible. So he showed me around his place and then showed me his brothers new place which is attached. I was really excited to see his brother and his wife and i could tell they were confused why i was there but excited to see me. We had a beer together and then i got up and said i should leave..... and i came home.

 

 

When i got home the messages started:

 

Me "Great place,i love it. Do you think its possible for us to just be friends?"

Him "is that all you want is friends?"

 

*** i was shocked when isaw this message cause he hasnt hinted towards us getting back together or being more then friends since the break up

 

Me "thats what we are cause thats what you wanted. Im trying to figure this out"

Him "i really enjoyed last night, i liked it"

Me "yes so did i but that cant be happening. Im ok and i slowly start to forget about being alone but when i talk to u or see u it doesnt help"

Him "you should have stayed and had another glass of wine, im sitting in the loft by the window, i love it"

Me "sounds cozy"

Him "you can come back and have another one with me if you want and stay the night, maybe crisin the place with me "

Me "LOL is that what friends do?"

Me "Do you want to be friends? Its a simple question and i can tell you still have feelings for me..."

Him "i do still have feelings for you. I want you to come back over. I want what we had last ngiht"

Me "Yes but that what ppl do when there together, not us when were suppose to be friends. what do you want form me? a good night of sex here and there?"

Him "I dont know what i want, i do know last night felt great and i want u to come back 2 feel it again."

Me "Thats not fair to me im sure theres plenty of girls for u to sleep with so i dont get why u seem to be jsut holding on to that part of me"

Him "Cuz i dont want to sleep with anyone else, i want to sleep with you."

Me "You cant do that its all of me or none of me, its not jsut whats convienent, so please if you do care about me and its jsut about sex for u now then let me go and move on"

Me "Dont talk to me and want to see me if ur hope is jsut for it to end in sex. In that case we shouldnt talk anymore if thats your motive?"

Him "I dont want to let you go. I want last night, and soon hopefully what we had before"

Me "Normally getting back what we had comes before the hot night of sex. I know u would say almost anythign for me to come back there right now. But i have to believe that theres someone else out there who would want me for more then good sex. It hurts to even know i have to look somewhere else."

Him "I WANT YOU TO COME BACK THIS WEEKEND, I WANT TO TRY A NEW RESTERAUNT WITH YOU, K. IM IN BED SO I'LL TLAK TO U TOMORROW BABY. MUAH"

 

So that was are whole conversation about 30mins ago now. Its clear that throughout the whole conversation he jsut wanted sex from me. and i was clear that it wasnt going to happen. Im confused by his last message about the weekend and calling me baby and the MUAH, cause he hasnt talked to me like that since before we broke up. And if he jsut wanted sex and he knew its not happening wouldnt he jsut stop talking to me and not send that last message?

 

I dont know i need and outsiders perpective on what he may be thinking?

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I was really trying to make it seem like it was the end of the straw for me which it was.

 

I just dont know how to proceed from here? I nee dot have soem of the control back. i feel liek because was the dumper he was been toying with my emotions the whole time but i think he may realize now that i could find someone else and move on completely

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Thinking positivly: he wanted me to check out his new house the first night he was there, took me to see his brothers place which i was shocked cause i didnt think he would want his fam to know that we are still seeing eachother even tho were broken up, and he hasnt called me baby or referred to being more then friends.

 

Negativly: He could just be lonely and not found anyone else yet or could just want sex.

 

Im all over the board i dont know how to proceed form here!!

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I just want to make sure i dont mess this up. I want to make sure hes still not just wanting sex from me and nothing else.

 

If he just wanted sex would he go to the trouble of wanting to go for dinner with me like he said?

 

I need a outsiders perpective of the conversation we had last night that i posted, cause it was all over the place to me and im not sure how to interpret how he left things last night

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