Define confidence.

[Mantis]

Pretty much what the title says. Shy people are supposed to improve by having confidence, right? But what does that actually MEAN?

[shykid]

i think it means being comfortable in your own skin, not caring what other people think or how they judge you.

[sns256]

Confidence is being comfortable about yourself inside and out. Accepting of your strengths and weaknesses, and not caring what other people think of you, or what they say to you.

 

If only it was as easy to achieve as to write it down.

[Mguy92]

Slap her around, act like you're the smartest, greatest thing that has happened to her and ever will, put her down like a dog, lie, like and lie some more, cheat, cheat and cheat some more. She tells you something sweet, you say something rude. That's today's definition of confidence. Being a giant penis(substitute for a bad word) pretty much sums it up.

 

***DISCLAIMER: I'm in a bad mood at the moment.****

 

You couldn't be any more right. That's the complete, full truth.

[Balbina]

Confidence is believing in yourself. It's about respecting yourself and appreciating your talents and assets enough to use them to your best advantage - and being aware of your role in success. It's about knowing your worth, and having a sense of who you are and what you want out of life, and sticking to your guns!

[xxNPxx]

Confidence from dictionary:

1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing

2. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance

3. certitude; assurance

4. a confidential communication

 

Shy people don't necessarily need to improve their confidence. You can be confident regardless of how outgoing or shy your are. By not talking to people, it shows that you have full trust in your in ability to communicate. By talking to people that shows that you have a greater believe or trust in your capability. Technically it would be overconfidence since doing something beyond what you trust in your powers would be extra. Unless you fully believe that you have not used your social skills to the maximum possible efficiency. So for some, being more outgoing means being overconfident, for others it's gaining more confidence.

[Hessian]

Pretty much what the title says. Shy people are supposed to improve by having confidence, right? But what does that actually MEAN?

 

I guess it depends on what you mean by improving? It seems like the confidence remedy is what extroverts write up for introverts who seem shy and not like them. I use to buy that, but to me it is not a question of confidence. It is about being comfortable in a situation and many times introverts are not at social events. Does this mean introverts can't have a good time or seem comfortable at a social event? Not at all, it just means it’s harder. The first thing is not to blame yourself; you are just different then other people. Introverts do many things better, but this is not one of them.

 

It is also a mistake, imo, to say all women just want to be dominated and abused by jerks. Not only is it a blanket statement, but blaming other people for your problems is not the best way to be dealing with them. I only say this because I use to think like that a long time ago and I was dead wrong. First impressions are huge and the best way to leave a positive one is to be comfortable when you meet people.

[solacean]

People usually seem to talk about "confidence" as if it is a monolithic entity that either is there or isn't there. I.e., the typical implication is that you either have or don't have "confidence" in the same way that you have or don't have a BMW ... either you do, or you don't.

 

But as I see it, confidence is not so simple; people can have confidence in certain areas of their life and not in other areas. Certainly I feel that's the case with me; there are aspects of my life where I have long been certain that I absolutely rock, but when it comes to socializing the situation for me is completely the opposite. At various times in my life I've been able to effortlessly do things that many of my acquaintances have said they'd be too terrified to contemplate ... but at the same time, the idea of introducing myself to or having a conversation with an attractive female has always terrified me to the point of paralysis.

 

I've explained all of this because often I hear people say the attraction of confidence is founded in it being an indicator that a guy is successful in life, or is likely to be. (This is often presented as "when a guy becomes successful in his career, he gains confidence and hence becomes more attractive to women" ... once again confusing career confidence with social confidence.) But confidence in social situations is the sole area of confidence that is evaluated by women; women aren't following guys to their workplaces to see how confident they are in the pursuit of their careers before deciding to date them.

 

So I don't accept the easy idea that confidence is attractive because it is indicative of success. Which leads me to ask: what IS attractive to women about a man's SOCIAL confidence? And the only other rationale I can come up with is that most women place great importance upon their own position in their social hierarchy, and a potential mate's ability to be socially confident (or lack of that ability) would be likely to influence that. To put it another way, I suspect most women seek out guys with social confidence because they are greatly concerned with what other people think about them in social situations, and they want their mate to be acceptable to others in those situations.

[Hessian]

So I don't accept the easy idea that confidence is attractive because it is indicative of success. Which leads me to ask: what IS attractive to women about a man's SOCIAL confidence? And the only other rationale I can come up with is that most women place great importance upon their own position in their social hierarchy, and a potential mate's ability to be socially confident (or lack of that ability) would be likely to influence that. To put it another way, I suspect most women seek out guys with social confidence because they are greatly concerned with what other people think about them in social situations, and they want their mate to be acceptable to others in those situations.

 

I can't argue with any of your points. Some women could be only going with a guy for selfish reasons like money, power, status, popularity etc... The good news is if you have none of these things and a woman still wants to go out with you... then you know she sincerely likes you. I can't imagine you would want a girl who has an angle anyway.

[steve33]

Confidence is the opposite of shyness. Ever wonder why there are more men on death row that have women interested in them than all the shy guys in the world?

 

Hear about Drew Peterson? He killed his past two wives, and now he has a woman 30 years younger than him waiting to be next to be killed. He's actually engaged again. Have any of you shy guys had women risking their lives to be with you?

 

 

You of course don't have to be a killer to have "confidence", but if you think about it, women find murderers more desirable than shy guys if that tells you anything.

[xxNPxx]

Confidence is the opposite of shyness. Ever wonder why there are more men on death row that have women interested in them than all the shy guys in the world?

 

Hear about Drew Peterson? He killed his past two wives, and now he has a woman 30 years younger than him waiting to be next to be killed. He's actually engaged again. Have any of you shy guys had women risking their lives to be with you?

 

 

You of course don't have to be a killer to have "confidence", but if you think about it, women find murderers more desirable than shy guys if that tells you anything.

 

That would be wrong. In other cultures, shyness and confidence are synonymous. Simply put, western society values extreme social confidence. Don't forget about other cultures before you make such a broad oversimplification.

[Robert013]

Confidence is knowing who you are and being proud of it.

[steve33]

That would be wrong. In other cultures, shyness and confidence are synonymous. Simply put, western society values extreme social confidence. Don't forget about other cultures before you make such a broad oversimplification.

 

And I'm sure the sunsets on Mars are beautiful. The point is that we live here, and our definition of confidence is what matters.

 

You know, if we all lived in victorian times, we would all have had arranged marriages and this wouldn't even have been an issue. But it's irrelevant, we live here and now. Our concept of confidence is what matters because we live here.

 

HERE shyness is the opposite of confidence. Hence why very few women like shy guys. Even most shy women want confident, outgoing men, becuase women find confidence to be attractive, and they view shyness to be weakness and a reminder of themselves.

[xxNPxx]

And I'm sure the sunsets on Mars are beautiful. The point is that we live here, and our definition of confidence is what matters.

 

You know, if we all lived in victorian times, we would all have had arranged marriages and this wouldn't even have been an issue. But it's irrelevant, we live here and now. Our concept of confidence is what matters because we live here.

 

HERE shyness is the opposite of confidence. Hence why very few women like shy guys. Even most shy women want confident, outgoing men, becuase women find confidence to be attractive, and they view shyness to be weakness and a reminder of themselves.

 

The point isn't that it's irrelevant, it's that confidence and shyness happens. Confidence and being outgoing is irrelevant. You can also not be confident while still being outgoing. Our definition of confidence (see dictionary) is specific in that shyness can easily be included or not. Here shyness is not the opposite of confidence, it's the opposite of outgoing. People view outgoing as a positive trait, even more so then confidence sometimes.

 

But you are wrong about confidence being in excess to be outgoing. Not unless you are reading a different dictionary then me. The definition of confidence says nothing about introversion vs extroversion. It merely denotes trust in one's ability. A shy person can have the same trust in their abilities, even socially, as an outgoing person. By admitiing that their social skills are limited and understading that they will not be successful because of it coincides with the dictionary definition of confidence.

 

That's the point I was trying to make in my previous post.

[steve33]

P

 

Please watch this SNL skit.

 

link removed

[xxNPxx]

P

 

Please watch this SNL skit.

 

link removed

 

ha, that was good. Loved the video.

 

Screw confidence, just focus on being handsome

[solacean]

P

 

Please watch this SNL skit.

 

link removed

 

That's great! And as with most great humor, it's funny because it's true.

[steve33]

ha, that was good. Loved the video.

 

Screw confidence, just focus on being handsome

 

 

Well, Tom Brady was acting confident. He asked the question like he expected her to say yes, whereas the first guy asked in a mousy voice, presuming she would reject him. Even though Tom Brady is much better looking, he as acting confident in the video.

[xxNPxx]

Well, Tom Brady was acting confident. He asked the question like he expected her to say yes, whereas the first guy asked in a mousy voice, presuming she would reject him. Even though Tom Brady is much better looking, he as acting confident in the video.

 

I agree but only because the first guy didn't trust that his ability would allow him to succeed. If he thought he wasn't going to do well, then decided not to try because he would fail, then that would, by definition, be confidence. The lawsuit made him second guess himself. On the other hand, I doubt the mousy guy had much of a chance anyways.

[steve33]

I agree but only because the first guy didn't trust that his ability would allow him to succeed. If he thought he wasn't going to do well, then decided not to try because he would fail, then that would, by definition, be confidence. The lawsuit made him second guess himself. On the other hand, I doubt the mousy guy had much of a chance anyways.

 

Something a female coworker that I hooked up with told me when I showed hesitation about the situation "it's not sexual harassment if you're attracted".

[grymoire]

I have learnt one thing in Dating - if the girl is attracted to you then after that nothing else matters. Sure you could drive her away by being extremely rude or extremely wussy... but i wonder how many men go to those extremes... if she likes you she will overlook any negative quality you may have.. she will find reasons to date you.

[solacean]

Something a female coworker that I hooked up with told me when I showed hesitation about the situation "it's not sexual harassment if you're attracted".

 

I love it, hehe. That's the first time I've heard this said in such a straightforward way by the mouth of a woman. (Well, it's third hand in this case, but I don't doubt that she said it, because I've always believed this to be the case myself.)

[bostonbruins24]

Excellent post! It also describes me to a tee.

[steve33]

Excellent post! It also describes me to a tee.

 

I think it differs by locale, but some areas about a bit more status conscious than others. Where I live, if I went out and bought a BMW, i'd probably get a GF while leaving the dealership. The guys here dress well, drive BMWs, and women see the status, and want their friends to say "she did well", so I think that it's not really a confidence thing, more of an insecurity thing. When you see a guy who isn't well off, or at least doesn't go show off by going into debt, if he can get women without the fancy clothes and the BMW, it's probably something to do with his personality, which includes confidence. I think you can get someone without confidence, but you'll get someone who is very insecure.

[steve33]

I love it, hehe. That's the first time I've heard this said in such a straightforward way by the mouth of a woman. (Well, it's third hand in this case, but I don't doubt that she said it, because I've always believed this to be the case myself.)

 

Unfortunately I'm getting older...