Feeling maternal stuff...is this normal??

[abitbroken]

First of all, my soon to be ex husband never wanted kids. When we first met he asked me what i felt about the subject and I told him I wasn't going to make a decision until I was married - I wasn't the type to want to have kids at all costs. And plus I was in my early 20s and it was not on my mind. I obviously knew that it was a potential result of sex, but I wasn't "trying" to have a baby. He sort of hinted around the idea that his house was the perfect size for 2 adults and a baby and stuff like that.

 

Anyways, fast forward to when I get a job transfer to live closer to him. He starts talking about how rotten his nephew is, how because his sister's husband left her, he sort of helped raise him so he is "done" with kids. He also tells people that he doesn't want them. So whatever, I am still in my early 20s and am not rushing/that interested in kids either.

 

We had a fight one night. A relative was over and he kept saying we can't even have a baby because of our finances and because i am not a good housekeeper. For the next 2 years he tells people that he is glad he doesn't have/is not having kids but then says stuff like that. Oh and saying that he couldn't have a baby because medications would make us have a baby with birth defects etc. not totally true but whatever...

 

Anyway, now we are separated and the divorce is almost final. For the past year I have had strong feelings about desiring to be pregnant/give birth/have a baby. Also, instead of being extremely awkward around babies I have been more attuned to them. I think that all that inner talk telling me that i "can't have a baby". I sort of feel the feelings I thought my friends were weird for feeling or I felt like I was a late bloomer on. I have found in the past year, especially the past 6 months I have been reading up on the internet about lactation, diet, and all that other pregnancy stuff and shutting the browser when he would walk in.

 

Is it weird to all of the sudden feel that way and want to, when I am ready, have one of my criteria for a man that he wants to have children rather than that not being a factor like before??

[keenan]

I don't think it's weird at all, abitbroken. Some women come late to the 'wanting babies' party.

 

When I was in my early and mid twenties I was sure I didn't want kids at all. I liked them, but I wasn't very maternal. When I was in my late twenties and early thirties, I was on the fence. At 34, I'm now feeling like I'd really enjoy having children...with the right man. It's still not a deal-breaker, but I'm very receptive to the idea. Sometimes it just takes a little maturity and experience to soften up and grow into those feelings, and I think that's ok! Being away from a guy who doesn't want them can help a lot, too.

[NJRon]

I'm just curious... could it also be that because you were "denied" it... even though you were ok with the denial... that it could be a bit of rebellion in the wake of the fallout? Regardless the reason, it's how you're feeling and there's nothing wrong with that. Just wait a bit before taking the plunge

[ladyblue07]

Of course it's okay to make it a criteria in choosing your next partner. In fact, I always think it is important to make sure your mate feels the way you do about kids, because that is an issue you really cannot compromise on.

[lost1607307474]

It's not strange at all. I have suddenly been experiencing very maternal urges and been obsessed with pregnancy, labor, birth, babies, mothering, and everything related. I think it's a natural, biological feeling that many women get, and completely normal.

 

However, just because you're feeling maternal doesn't mean you should rush into having a baby.

[redhearts]

I hear females who didn't want them in their 20s, end up in wanting em in their late 30s and being upset. Because it is a lot easier on the body and easier to get back into shape being younger.

[waveseer]

If you knew me when I was younger you would have never thought I'd end up a mom, especially of more than one child. My roommate from college visited me and after I served her kids lunch she looked at me with a strange look on her face and said, "You're such a mom!" If I can do it, so can you.