I broke NC by replying, now I think I've made a step back!

[fanox]

Hy there! I'm once again posting about my situation out of the blue. Just wanted to hear opinions. thanx!

 

After about 2 months of NC with my ex GF, she sent me a message on Facebook saying "did you really unfriend me? I think she's been together with her new guy since the next day of us breaking up (when I stopped showing up I mean) I believe that she is probably still with him. however...

In the 2 mo. of NC I really changed the way I think about things. That is mainly because of the ENA forum. Thank you all for your good advice!

This one line message from my ex really makes me think about her again, and makes me analyze things again; that's a step back I think. She sent me the message about 4-5 days ago, and I actually replied today, after taking some poster's advise. I was very hesitant to do it at first. Today I had a great day at work (good meeting with bosses) and maybe because of that I felt like replying, but in the sense of not breaking NC. My message back to her was:

"That's a really cute picture of you! I'm wishing you all my love, and all the happiness in the world! Take care of your health, stay healthy, be healthy! ... I said

We can be buddies on here again later, peace 'a cake! just not now -> easier for both of us to move on.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!"

 

Again, this is the first time I've written to her for 2 months, and I'm sure she's appreciated my retreat. The first time I wish her anything too.

I "had some power" after she wrote first. Do you think I lost hat now that I replied after 4 days, because I really don't feel so. Do you think that I'm in any way wrong for breaking NC this way? I don't plan to act on anything or communicate more. I just once again have this interest in what she thinks stupid me ha? (that's a step back)

Thank you for any thoughts!

[NJRon]

There is no right and wrong here... it's all up to you. If you feel it was wrong because of how it made you feel afterwards, well then... now you know how it feels. Probably will make you think twice next time. When healing, it's not uncommon at all to feel like you have taken a step back... the reality is though, even if it was a step back, you are many steps forward... what's a little slip?

[fanox]

Thanx, NJRon.

In reality I don't feel wrong about it, infact I feel good that I'm being honest, and I'm letting her know that I got no hard feelings. I'm thinking it may be wrong(step back) because of what I perceive to be the general advice on this board (do not communicate, do not lower yourself, etc).

Again, as I don't expect much from this girl now, I don't feel i'm making a step back. I just think of her more again.

I display the entire message here. How do you read me? Do I relay that I have no hard feelings, and I'm moving on. Do I relay "the security of the ex"?

What do you think?

[NJRon]

The "wishing you all my love" does not say "Hey, hope you're doing well, I am"... but, it's you. NC is to allow yourself to heal.. it's not to keep you from being yourself (unless being yourself ends up hurting you a lot.. then it's just a dose of reality )

 

If you feel good, then good. That's all that matters. When you can get a message and not be affected by it, then you have really moved on. It's safe to be a bit guarded. You did right by waiting a few days to collect your thoughts before repsonding.

 

The "feel" I get from your response though is that you still have a little ways to go with your healing process... so, while this was great, don't push it. Hang in there

[fanox]

Hey, NJRon, thank you for the nice reply! I appreciate it.

You are right about me "healing". I find it very interesting how I can "gauge" the levels now. I do really think that NC promotes healing and growth. At least that's what it did to me. You end up knowledgeable and content with your thinking, that's what I find really interesting about the effects of NC.

 

I'm glad you responded to my posts, you are motivating me to be real and be plain. No more analysis and fakeness.

I recently read an e-book by Homer McDonald which advocated the idea of us people having no needs at all. Everything we say "we need" is just something we have a preference to. I mean, instead of saying "I need her back" (very related here ha ) we should just think "it will be nice to have her back, I would prefer that, but it's just a preference, that's all it is."

 

I'm saying that NC eliminates the need for things, and that's good.

 

Thank you again!

[NJRon]

Sounds a bit Buddhist to me

[fanox]

Hey, there! I'm writing about a little update to the stuff of this thread.

After sending her a short message mentioned in the above posts, my ex send me a message back today. It is a nice little message which tells me that she's okay. Even though I don't really want to display the whole thing, I will cuz I want to hear what you guys think. The message is:

 

"Aw chris! A) Thank you for the compliment, you are still really sweet... B) I wish YOU all my love and all the happiness in the world too!!

and C) sigh...okay i understand, please add me back as a friend when you are ready to okay?

I miss you, and I hope that you are doing well, and YOU take care of yourself ok?!

Love always,

Michelle"

 

I guess I'm still really sweet No really, what does she mean with me still being really sweet? Am I perceived as "nice" for what I wrote, what the f..!

And she never used to list things under A, B, C.... interesting!

[NJRon]

Dude... don't read so much into it. It was a sweet message... and people can sometimes list things. Take a deep breath

[fanox]

Thanx, NJRon!

So I do realize this tiny LC after 2 months NC was definitely a step back in my healing. For the past 3-4 days I've been kind'a down about things, plus school is done and I have some time to do nothing.

I'm trying to go back to the times when I really disliked the girl for her issues. (not negatively, just in a way in which I can help myself feel better)

[NJRon]

It *is* good to review things and see them in a more objective light, rather than seeing things through rose-colored glasses. It's a rough time of year, coupled with the quiet can make it tough to take yoru mind off things. Don't do too much deep thinking if you can help it. Try and enjoy somethings that you like to do for you.

 

Hang in there.