How to get my guy now he has a girl friend

[paradiselost]

I need advice on how to get him back so to speak.

 

This guy and I are soul mates - he has been chasing me - and really chasing me for the last 7 years yet unforunately I was either abroad, in a relationship or our paths did not cross and we did not get togehter.

 

However the chemistry never ever went away and just stronger each time. Everyone one who sees us thinks we are made for each other and everyone wants us to be together.

 

Thing is he has been seeing a girl the last year and dont know what to do. He is at an age he wants to settle down and so thinking of doing so with her even though they are not that great together. He has always thought I was not interested even though our strong chemistry.

 

I really want to go out with him, but am too shy and afriad to do something about it and have to be careful as we share the same career.

 

However he is THE ONE and he knows it to deep down as it was always him who tried to get us together.

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO? DO I TELL HIM AND HE MAKES A CHOICE? DO I JUST LET IT BE?

 

please tell me what to do

[bostonbruins24]

Tell him how you feel and then back off.Let him decide whether he wants to end his current relationship.

[greywolf]

Is he happy with the person he's with right now? If you really care about him, then let him be happy. You had your chance with him and you didn't take it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You are assuming he's the one, but you haven't even really been together yet?

 

And why over 7 years if he was so great didn't you make plans to be with him, break up with someone else, move etc.?

 

It could be that now that he has finally moved on, all of a sudden he looks good (i.e., you didn't want him, but you don't want anyone else to have him).

 

So you need to call him up and plead your case, and have real concrete plans about how to get together, or just let it go and leave him alone. It may be too late though, so prepare yourself for that alternative if you do tell him you want to be together.

[NJRon]

If you never tell him, then you are just letting things happen and aren't taking any control of the situation. Opportunities present themselves to be acted upon, not watched. I'm curious, if you feel like he was your soulmate, why it would take 7 years for you to confess your feelings.

[dreamwarrior]

Hi paradise,

 

Well at the moment he has a gf and so you should leave him alone...going after a guy who is at the present taken is not a great idea. How do you know him and that other girl are not right for each other?? Did he tell you this?

 

Let nature take it's course...if it's meant to be then it will happen!

 

Take care ~dream~

[redhearts]

You can't force someone to be with you. Telling them you love them etc while they are in a relationship isn't good. Because if they do leave this person they may question if it would of ever worked out if you two reach trouble times. If someone is in a relationship you have to let it be and let them be happy.

[agent1607307371]

Why didn't you get with him when he was available?

 

Or do you only want him now he's moved on?

[redhearts]

Maybe you want something you can't have.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

What you should do is leave this guy alone.You had other relationships despite your 'chemistry'.He's taken now and you have no right to spring this on him.If he ends his current relationship without your input then you can take steps to be with him.But you should really leave people in relationships alone.

[paradiselost]

Unfortunately I was alway scared and immature, deep down I have always wanted to be with him, we are so ourselves its incredible, but there would be times where we would never come in contact and if he was seeing someone I backed off and vice versa, somehow we always kept missing the boat - yet despite all that even 2 seconds in each others company no matter how much time passes or where we are and its sparks and glitter all the way.

 

We know each other very well, inside and out thats why, its true though we never dated, we know each other.

 

I also feel that I am in this situation as I always took the side line approach and its my fault as was always too scared to show him that I reciprocate.

 

Of course I dont want to be the source of anyones trouble or grief and I would be petrified to even hint that yes I have been interested always but I also wonder if in a way (I know this sounds nut) I owe it to him to let him know at least indirectly so that if we are not meant to get together we both close the chapter.

 

If anyone out there does think this makes sense how would you go about it? I am very shy and scared so you can imagine what amount of courage I would need to ever show him or hint especially since he is with someone and I dont want to do this to break him up but just to let him know that if there ever was a chance then he knows

[ghost69]

you just now realized he's your soulmate? you were in relationships and abroad? if he was your soulmate none of that would matter.

[paradiselost]

well no of course not just now realised, just now realised that I should have not let all these years pass by to do something and what am I gaining in hiding behind my 'always chicken out' attitude. I am very shy, you may call it pride but I always felt vunerable telling him I reciprocated and always hid my feelings too well that I got lodged in a stupid comfort zone of hiding my feelings.

 

Maybe thats how its meant to be and thats why I am asking advice on whether I should just let it be or finally do something.

[ghost69]

well, i wouldn't bother someone in a relationship unless you were meeting as friends and just let it 'slip' out. i really don't recommend hitting on people in relationships. i'd say it's just a lost opportunity.

[agent1607307371]

Maybe thats how its meant to be and thats why I am asking advice on whether I should just let it be or finally do something.

 

 

Let it be, unless you have absolutely no respect for him. You had your chance, you didn't want it.

[grymoire]

Have you ever kissed or made out?

 

7 yrs sounds way too long.... I can't imagine how you did not have even one single opportunity during so many years...

[penelope13]

I don't get it: this is supposedly your soulmate and you are too shy to talk to him about your feelings?

 

If you two were really as much in sync as you think you are, shouldn't he know your feelings, even without you telling him? Shouldn't he be able to see beyond your shyness?

 

I fear you are just regretting the lost years and now that he is ready to settle down and considers someone else you are waking up and realize he will not be your fall back guy forever.

[rbr85]

Ask yourself, "Why do I desire to create relationships with people who are unavailable to me?"

 

And then if you really want to pursue it still, tell him how you feel. Do not ask him anything, do not give him any ultimatums i.e. "do this ___ or we shouldn't talk". Just say what you feel, and LET GO of the outcome.

 

Even if you think he will reject you. If you want to tell him, tell him. Don't worry about what he thinks or doesn't think, you have no control over that. You can only control yourself and your reactions.

[soaking_wet]

If you guys were really soulmates, you would be together by now. Fate would have played it's part... But something has always come between you guys... which maybe means you're not meant to be...

 

Just an opinion.

[lady00]

It is massively unfair to the woman in his life to approach him about this. He has a relationship so I think you should respect that and leave him be.

[MyheartorHis]

All you can do is take the chance to see if he feels the same way. Other than that you can wait for him or move on... You can't change someone else's feelings no matter how much you want to.