Lost as to what to do.

[limixn321]

Hi. I dont have anyone here to talk to about whats going on in my life other than family. So I figured ill write what has and is happening and get an objective opinion.

I started dateing Kate about 4months ago, but I have known her for over 2 years. btw she just turned 20 and im 32. yes I know HUGE age difference. ok heres the rundown. I worked at a resturant and she was a waitress. We talked all the time lauged etc. We both were interested in one another but neither of us said anything till one night I had a few to many drinks and I told her how I felt about her. That was the start of a whirlwind adventure. After only 1week of dateing I told her I loved her, and i ment it. which surprised me too. After that she became everything to me. btw I lost my job because I was managment and I was not suposed to date staff lol.

After only 1month of dateing she asked me to move into her parrents house. So like a fool I did. Thats what started the problems. Her mom and dad were fighting all the time. She hated it, hell I hated it. Infact I told her that moving in was a mistake and I should go come with me. But she refused and told me that if I left she would break up with me. Now by this point readers you know Im a idot so I stayed. There was nothing wrong with her and me, hell we were happy infact her friend was jellious that she found a truly nice guy that treats her with respect.

Then it happened, I got a job but lost it less than a month latter cutbacks. xmas was getting nearer her dad was in a panic over money. etc etc. So I lied to her, her dad, everyone. I did not want to disapoint them. I went to work like i normaly did, but infact I was out jobhunting desperate to find work...any work. but no one was hireing. things got bad, I was stressed out, I couldnt tell her the truth. I was lost as to what to do. Well the crap hit the fan when her mom was caught cheating on her dad...again. and she refused to leave she was being a vendicitve b*#ch so she made everyones life a living hell. Kate told me that I should go. I asked her again come with me. but she would not leave her dad. So I left. the next day I told her the truth. She was hurt. and she hung up on me. A few min latter she called me back saying it was over and theres no going back. I was devestated I would do anything for her. I cried for hours desperate for her to talk to me, txt me something. for the next few days I was in a deep depression. I txted her wrote her etc etc. basically it got to the point she treatend to block my number. but we moved past that said I was sorry. she said she couldnt see me it hurts to much. but she still wanted me as a friend but nothing anymore. ever. so I stoped calling her, txting her everything. not to be mean but to give her some space. She called me to day to pick up the kittens(we got the kittens when we first started dateing), her mom got an injunction to kick her dad out of the house. She did not want to leave them with her mom, and she and her dad were going to live at her friends house. I came over, calm, not desperate. I helped her pack some, she didnt talk about us,she barely looked at me, she just talked about what was going on. I listend. I told her I was sorry about harassing her, and about what I did, and that I understood that maybe we do need time apart. After I was done loading up my truck with the kitten stuff, I went to give her a handshake, but she huged me hard as if nothing happened. now im lost and confused again, I was doing so good. Now I almost feel as I did before when it started. Again Btw She and her dad are talking about moving back to california VERY soon, right now were in florida. So is there any advice should I let it go or should I hold out hope?

[limixn321]

thank you for your concern. but the plot thickens lol. I picked up the cats today. But she told me she will me coming to myplace tomorrow to pick them up. she only needed me to hold on to them for the night. Am I reading to much into this?

Dont get me wrong I know how screw up this situation is. But I love her, and yes it is love. Even though things are screwed up I still think we fit perfectly together. But that just me. Ive tried talking to her about it but she changes the subject and will not talk about what happened.

[NJRon]

My rule of thumb, if you think you may be reading into something, you are.

 

You seem a bit extreme in you remotions right now. You were only together a fe wmonths, so, gven the circumstances, it seems likely that you are very infatuated right now. Not to say that your feelings of love aren't valide, but there is that infatuation covering them, so you can't tell how big your love is yet.

 

It's a very tough situation. I think you have to be prepared to let go... don't let go of hope and well wishes... but let go of the possibility you could be together again. Once you let go of that, and you know it, your actions will let you know how deep the love is.

[limixn321]

lol extreem is not even the word for how I feel, im borderline stalker crazy lol. no im not stalking her but I fight myself every moment not to find out what shes doing. Im kicking my ass over and over for the stupid things ive done. and with what shes going through she doesnt need my added BS. Im trying to do the whole NC thing but she makes it hard to do. How do I keep the whole NC thing when she txts me and such?

btw yeah im infatuated, I feel like I ruined what we had. If only she would give me another chance etc etc.

You get the idea.

[NJRon]

Hmm... it sounds as if you go total NC, you will be running. She is looking for someone she can rely on.

 

Don't get your hopes up... like I said, you need to let go. She really needs someone she can rely on though now. Are you willing to be that person if it means giving up being her boyfriend, and, instead, being her friend?

[limixn321]

I want to say yes. I want to be there for her. Even though she will not forgive me or take me back. I dont wish her anything but the best. But seeing her Kills me. Today when I helped her pack I was in the room we spent so many happy nights together. And I about cried right then and there. I made the excuse i needed to go to the bathroom. cleaned myself up took a deep breath and acted like this isnt killing me to the core.

I dont know if im rdy to be just friends, feelings are too raw. Just being near her and not holding her to let her know its alright is too much.

So im conflicted on what should I do.

I want to see her, help her, show her that I can be there for her

but I also dont want to see her because it hurts too much.

[NJRon]

You don't know right now what you want because you are clouded by the infatuation. You can't be crying when you're trying to be her rock.

 

So, if you can't hold it together, you need to not try to be near her. It would do more harm than good.

 

When you get to the point of being able to hold it togther, then you can start trying to decide whether you should.

 

However, if you *can* be her rock, then do it.

[limixn321]

Thank you, I kinda knew that but its nice hearing it from someone else. lol if this website used tears as cash they would make bill gates look poor. Ill try to be strong. Shes coming over tomorrow and ill hold it together. But unless she breaks down and says she wants me back. Ill tell her I agree that its best to spend some time apart and I intend to spend that time figuring out where things went wrong so I don't make the same mistakes in the future. I wish things could be different, but I will eventually get on with my life and I will be a better person for it.