Wow. My boyfriend is sweet.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Perhaps if he's sensitive, you might want to tone down the sarcasm. Sarcasm rides a fine line with being cutting and a bit mean or rude, so try to modulate that a bit.

 

Nothing is worse than someone who says something mean or cutting then says, 'i was just joking.' if that's a rare occurrence that is OK, but if you are often making cutting comments like that and people's feelings are getting hurt, for your own sake think about the impact of what you are saying before you speak.

 

Some people who perceive themselves as being sarcastic are actually being rude or passive aggressive, and other people can get really sick of it after a while, or angry at you. One person's sarcasm can be another person's rudeness, so perhaps you need to tone it down a bit.

 

And the fact that he was 'sweet' afterwards is not necessarily a good sign. It's like a dog is a pack who snaps back at the alpha dog when the alpha snaps him first. The dog that is not alpha grovels because of fear, not love. So this incident might show that there is an imbalance of power in the relationship where he is scared of losing your love, and really doesn't like the sarcasm, but is afraid to let you know that because he perceives you as the alpha dog.

[Mythical_Suicide]

The honeymoon phase can last up to 2 years I believe. It can last even longer in an ldr. In an ldr, everytime you see each other is a mini honeymoon.

 

 

 

I think you need to think about that for awhile. I've read your previous threads and you sound like a very controlling person. Needing to feel powerful comes from insecurity.

 

I was going to comment on that. Just because it's been a 'year' doesn't mean all aspects of the honeymoon have disapeared, especially if you're in LDR.

 

I don't know, but if these were constant episodes occurring daily, I don't know how 'sweet' a person would be enduring the insecurities constantly. It's ok now because you have a limited time together, but if this was regular behavior in a real day to day relationship, something is going to crack.

 

^Yep, what they said!

 

You're in a LDR so of course you're still in the honeymoon phase.

All of these "cute" things can possibly become problems in the future as you both seem to thrive off of the small bit of drama and emotions that come from things like this. Not a very healthy thing. But if you're happy, i'm happy for you.

[JadedStar]

you're crying into each other's arms for a little comment like that? how often do these things happen?

 

YEa, that's a bit much. this is why i wrote my post above. This makes no sense and makes this sound like an elementary school romance.

 

The comment was rude as it can get (the shut up no one was talking ot you) but after the apologies were made there was no need for either party to be crying in each others arms. This makes little sense to me.

 

I don't tell anyone to "shut up" even playing. It is extremely rude. And even people here who never met me in person know i am really sarcastic but when I am playing around iwth people in real life i still know where to draw lines. I guess it is just something i was raised believing was as bad as a curse word. actually worse - to say "shut up". It doesn't even feel right saying it.

 

I wont refuse to break down and cry in public, only my boyfriend, closest family, and a few close friends have seen me cry. I don't like to be shown as weaker then a man, I've even resorted to being extremly cocky and when a guy goes "No I wont hit you, your a girl" I'll challenge him to a duel outside, and tell them not to hold back. I'm into wrestling, and a compeating shooter (guns) I like the power.

 

How does challenging a guy to a duel outside make you stronger than a man?

 

Being cocky will get you nowhere fast. I would bet ten bucks you aren't going to beat up any guy you challenge so why do you do this? I don't care if you are into wrestling or not, a street fight outside is not a sanctioned wrestling match. I know you are being facetious but this sounds really silly Rose. If you don't want to feel weaker than a man then adjust some of the clingy behavior you have been showing lately - i think that is a better exercise than challenging guys to facetious duels outsidel.

[JadedStar]

I have yet to find a woman that finds that to be a good trait, without being labeled a wussy, insecure, and the list goes on. I don't show emotions except to a very, very small circle of people in my life. When I am with an SO I show every single emotion, I can cry if something is really weighing me down, yet they find that a turn off. Hmmm...it's like no matter what you do I can never get it right. I can be an ahole, bam, they're like flies on s*** but then they want me to be sweet. When I'm sweet...then...you know how that goes by now.

 

yes, women say this when asked about their ideal man but when presented with one they complain and say he is too whiney and clingy. LOL

 

Forsaken the answer lies somewhere within. A woman doesn't want a guy who is a hard a$$ but she doesn't want a guy who cries everytime a sad song comes on either. Just find your balance and MORE importantly a girl who appreciates you.

[Rose21]

I've dated only jerks until him.

 

And I only like nice guys now. I love how sensitive he is and how he cries at times and shows his emotions.

 

The only thing I may laugh at would be if he cried in a movie, but then not even I do that.

 

I doubt that honey moon phase applies to us. We've become alot more comfortable.

 

We may be part-time LDR, but I will be living with him in 2 yrs, and the most we have been separated in a long time is just 2 weeks.

 

He's here a whole month, and week before the break started he was here a week. After the break, I will fly down to him in 2 weeks.

 

The honeymoon phase I will say was the first 6 months we were together. When we saw eachother EVERYDAY all the time. He was so caught up in me that he spent like $3,000 on our relationship and we were OBSESSED Wit eachother.

 

That was very unhealthy, and thank God we arn't like that anymore.

 

I don't like to control, and I don't mean to. I'll tone down my sarcasm for now on. When I said I like the power, I meant strenth wise. I love going to the shooting range because it makes me feel like I can do anything a man can.

[melrich]

Well Rose I am not sure what you have done to upset the natives but I think it is a good sign that you two know how to make up. Fact is most couples fight about stupid things. It's not really important what it is you fight about so much as how well you get over it.

[midnightrambler]

this story made me tear up....thanks Rose

[JadedStar]

Well Rose I am not sure what you have done to upset the natives but I think it is a good sign that you two know how to make up. Fact is most couples fight about stupid things. It's not really important what it is you fight about so much as how well you get over it.

 

Who's upset?

 

I think one can give a person feedback that might not be in the grain of the popular vote without being the least bit upset Melrich.

[melrich]

There's giving feedback and there is shoving it down someone's throat. Let's get some perspective here. This is a young woman finding her way in a young relationship, she is joyous about it. That is admirable. She is going to make mistakes, we all did and do.

 

I don't see that her story should lead to a number of posters belittling her relationship with multiple posts. It is young love. It may seem a bit sickly sweet to some but that is how it rolls. Maybe we could feel her emotions are a bit misplaced but I don't think it is right that someone posts what they think is a sweet moment only to get told by everyone that their relationship is crap and they have serious issues.

 

From what I have read of Rose's relationship it sounds like two people who care about each other and are very much in love.

[Clementine orange]

^^^^^ envy perhaps? Personally, I miss my younger years when everything was so pure and innocent and simple (and yet made complicated thru over analysis and interpretation)

There's alot of misery on this site...

[Rose21]

I enjoy my relationship, and I plan on being with him for the rest of my life. I truly feel that he is the one, and although our relationship (like all others) has our heartaches and conflicts, they can always be resolved and don't over power the good. This is alot more simple then my last relastionship.

 

Having to deal with a man who was 6 years older then me, but mentally far younger. Who was a drug dealer, never had held a real job in his life and me wanting to be in Criminal Justice watching this man struggling with his addiction. Watching him become sick and a total ass hole when his methadone dose got lowered, taking so many xanax bars in one pop that it was literley over flowing in his hand, taking ex, and ghb and watching how he would act on that. And on top of this, I lost my virginity to this man! God do I wish I had waited for my boyfriend. I honestly don't know what I was thinking. Going to his apartment all the time, this druggee dealer with no life, no job, his roomate a 33 yr old gay hair/make up artist at a strip club who did all of my exe's finances. Me not having a car, and neither him, so I would pay my friends gas money to take me up there a couple times a week.

 

That was not a simple relationship, nor was it a lovey dovey one. It was a step into reality, and I have no desire to go back to any of that.

 

My boyfriend is truly a breath of fresh air, he has changed me for the better.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'll do it during the honeymood phase but after that I'd pretty much need to be sedated or blackmailed.

Do girls REALLY want their b/f around when shopping - besides the ability to carry the bags, aren't we just a nusense?

 

I love to go shopping with my bf.

 

I'm not one of those types that lingers or tries on everything. 90% of the time I'm in the mall, I'm either in a music store, spencer's gifts, a bookstore, buying food, or in gamestop anyway....

 

I wouldn't take my bf serious clothes shopping but we always have a riot when we're at the mall or grocery store.

[greywolf]

I hated shopping with my ex. hahah Well, I went because I liked spending time with her, but definitely not my favorite thing to do.

[lady00]

I agree with this. These things happen. A lot of couples argue over small misunderstandings and fight due to simple miscommunication. It's sweet to see a couple work through it and come out on the other side. It's the sort of thing you look back on and think how silly it is but how it's good that you have a foundation for dealing with stuff like this. I'm not saying the relationship is problem-free or that there are not insecurities...but that can be said for a lot of relationships.

 

On the honeymoon phase thing, it really does not sound to me like they are in the honeymoon phase. I've really never heard of that lasting that long. Once you start getting to see someone so often, I don't think it's possible to remain in that phase because you see the person first thing in the morning etc...basically you see them when they are not "on" and in date mode. I think that is when the honeymoon phase ends.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I'll do it during the honeymood phase but after that I'd pretty much need to be sedated or blackmailed.

Do girls REALLY want their b/f around when shopping - besides the ability to carry the bags, aren't we just a nusense?

 

actually........ lmao. i used to fantasize about going shopping with my bf b/c i love spending time with him.

it was fun shopping for him. apparently i seemed like the only one having "fun". cuz in his it seemed like he felt pressured to buy something because we had "shopping" on our list. also, he's picky and stuff i'd pick, he wouldn't like.

 

in turn i didnt want to try anything on with him around. i prefer shopping alone for some weird reason. i've grown accostomed to it maybe. and plus he kept telling me "hey you know what would look great on u?" and the stuff he chose wasn't really my style. he had good intentions though.. but just not what i usually go for. i guess i was doing the same.

i dont really look forward as much anymore to going shopping for clothes as a couple

[lady00]

LOL--when I've gone shopping with an SO, it's never been both of us looking for something...it's always been one person looking for something specific and the other kind of just tagging along for the company and not really giving any input.

[laisla]

i'll thank my lucky stars that my SO likes to shop with me. phew.

[JeckyllNHyde]

LOL--when I've gone shopping with an SO, it's never been both of us looking for something...it's always been one person looking for something specific and the other kind of just tagging along for the company and not really giving any input.

Lol, yes.. this works much much much better.. When we both recently decided to do "xmas shopping" together with no real direction as to what we where lookng for; it ended up being a bit tiring and just a bit annoying asking each other

"what are you looking for"

"i'm not sure"

"oh you should get a striped dress shirt."

"err.. maybe not".

"where do we go now? what are we looking for?"

"i dunno, thought we where looking for something for YOU... let's just go home.." LMAO

i'll thank my lucky stars that my SO likes to shop with me. phew.

my bf surprisingly likes shoe shopping with me.. i can always count on great advice in that department from him..

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is what you said he was like at the beginning of the relationship:

The honeymoon phase I will say was the first 6 months we were together. When we saw eachother EVERYDAY all the time. He was so caught up in me that he spent like $3,000 on our relationship and we were OBSESSED Wit eachother.

 

That was very unhealthy, and thank God we arn't like that anymore.

 

This is the way he reacted to you publicly raking him over the coals in "sarcasm":

He was angry with himself that he didn't catch onto my sarcasm.

 

I then sat in the car with him and he asked for my hand and kissed it and held it the whole ride home.

 

When we were watching T.V. at his house, he kept asking why I was upset or depressed. I said there was nothing wrong, and he kept saying "Tell me tell me. Do you promise nothing is wrong? I want to know so I can know if there is something I can do"

 

I agree with the other posters who say this is not a healthy dynamic. It seems like he idolizes you to the point where he feels he needs to placate you. The analogy that BeStrong used about the alpha dog is a very good description of this scenario. You were in the wrong and yet somehow it suddenly got twisted around in his mind that he was in the wrong. Kind of like if someone shoots you in the foot it is your fault for you foot being in the way of the bullet. Healthy love is about being able to comfortably tell someone that what they did hurt you without the person who was hurt suddenly feeling like they are the one who needs to apologize. There was too much drama going on here. Your drama post event perpetuated his insecurity until suddenly he felt he was the one in the wrong. Sarcasm is indeed passive aggressive behaviour and I have seen people use it as a way to lash out and then claim they were only joking, can't you take a joke. This scenario that was just played out is classic...because the victim of the barb suddenly doubts themself and feels they made much ado about nothing. You stated that you will tone down your sarcasm...that is a very wise idea if you want a balanced and healthy relationship with love based on who you are as a person rather than fear of reprisals.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I don't think we need to analyze someones relationship based on 1 moment which was discribed to us, plus is one sided.

Maybe the bf had a reason for kissing her hand and making up? Maybe he just didn't want the day to be ruined by one small misunderstanding so he was the bigger man and just kinda of apologized already so they could carry on with life.

 

Me and my SO kind of go thru this. Sometimes he will also keep asking "please tell me? What's wrong? Are you sure it's nothing?"

I tend to look sad sometimes, or so he thinks so he wants to know if he is right or wrong. And I feel we have a healthy relationship.

 

Not all couples say or do the same things..

 

 

*I agree though that sarcasm can be a bit risky. That's just me.. and what I feel from past relationship experiences. In my current relationship strangely enough we don't do it. We do however banter which is a bit more safe when it comes to avoiding misunderstandings.. (Unless someone takes a "joke" too far)

[Cognitive_Canine]

But I see the same pattern in almost all of rose21's posts. This would be different if it was just one instance but she has been told many times that posters think her relationship is unhealthy.

[JadedStar]

But I see the same pattern in almost all of rose21's posts. This would be different if it was just one instance but she has been told many times that posters think her relationship is unhealthy.

 

As do I, and I stand 100% by everything I have written on this thread. It does not have to be agreed with by all, in fact i thought that was the beauty of a forum - one can give their assessment without having to go with the grain so long as rules are not broken. I also agree with it being said that when she does something wrong often times it twists and he feels he is the one who was done wrong and he apologizes. I guess I dont' see this as the romantic sweetness as some do...and you know what? That is OKAY. Or it should be. I prefer to give some constructive feedback vs going "awwww". There are enough people around to do that.

 

Again, those who disagree are free to give their assessment, but it doesn't change my view. I feel Rose could benefit by a lot of various feedback...if she doesn't want to listen to it, she doesn't have to and if some don't think it is good feedback, that is their perogative. But when there are no right or wrong answers when a person is giving their honest to goodness opnion it seems silly to say what is wrong or what is right.

[lady00]

Hmm...I don't think the relationship is unhealthy as a whole. There are elements about it that should be changed and it sounds like Rose knows that and is trying to work on that but I also see a lot of love and sweetness there.

[lady00]

As to this specific incident, this is how I read it: they had a minor misunderstanding, she apologized, they made up. Similar to a situation in which one person tells a joke in good faith and it falls flat and they inadvertently upset the other person. It happens. You learn from it and move on. The fact that he was angry at himself for not getting her sarcasm, sounds like he was being a bit hard on himself there. Sounds like his issue that he needs to explore within himself and fix for himself.

 

As for the whole "what's wrong" and having to keep asking thing...I think that is the sort of thing that as you mature you hopefully stop doing and just communicate better.

[JadedStar]

And what we have tried to tell Rose is that her sarcasm in that instance was just outright rude. to tell an SO "just shut up" in the company of others in public (or alone really), playing sarcastic or not, is rude...but yet this guy was made to feel HE was in the wrong when he was NOT. That is what we are saying. He seems to feel he has to placate her when she was the one who was way in the wrong and no time like the present for young rose to realize that kind of sarcasm is not playful or appropriate with someone you love. And he feels he has to placate her IMO because she is so controlling and he has a personality that wants to always smooth the waters....

 

That is my take on it. And i have read countless of rose's threads so i don't base that on just this one thread.

 

Just MY Opinion.

 

Some people might have a different take...and think it was sweet. I say to those same people I have been on threads with them where they saw something as more wrong doing and I saw it as sweet, and isn't a forum a place where its ok to disagree?

 

My opinion trumps no one else's, and theirs does not trump mine.