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Thanks and a suggestion for those on the brink


NudeMoonbase

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Edit: I should add that I am a 23 year old male, recently graduated from college, unemployed, and moderately OCD.

 

Hi,

 

I’ve been trolling these boards for the past few weeks, and I want to thank everyone for posting their stories. I’m doing a little better now (no longer sobbing when I wake up and running a knife along my veins four hours of tears later, begging for the strength to push down), and I wanted to try and give something back to any of you who are staring into the void, as I have so many times before.

 

If you’re like me, one of the most unbearable things about depression is the isolation – the sense that nobody could possibly understand you, and that whenever they try, they only insult or patronize you in one way or another. Depression causes psychic pain on par with the physical pain of being stabbed (I’m guessing, since I’ve never been stabbed), only when you have a knife coming out of you people take notice and don’t attribute it to “the blues” or suggest that you just, you know…just stop being like that.

 

Anyway, what I want to say is, if you’re suicidal, do yourself a favor and read “The Myth of Sisyphus,” by Albert Camus before you do anything. It’s not a self-help book and has no connection to the field of psychology. Rather, it’s a rigorous philosophical attempt to find out if life is worth living in a world filled with suffering and seemingly without intrinsic meaning. I can’t say if it will resonate with you like it did with me, but I promise that you will be able to relate, and maybe gleam a little insight that could help. Seriously, at least take ten minutes to go to amazon (I can't post the URL) and read the excerpt they have there. You’ve got nothing to lose (and it’s not, I repeat, connected to psychology or suicide prevention in any way, and won’t make light of your pain or try to trick you into living).

 

That’s about it; I wish I had something amazing of my own to offer, but I'm no Camus. Thank you all again so much for putting yourself out there and helping to keep me alive in the process. For the record, I’m better now at least in part because the Cymbalta kicked in (30mg a day, down from 60 due to side effects, for those of you keeping score). I really wish you all the very best. The kind of pain I’ve been through I would not wish on anyone, and nobody here deserves it. If anyone needs an ear, please feel free to PM me.

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I'm so happy that you decided to stick around (smile). many many many of us came broken and have happily been put back together by self help, good therapy and some absolutely great folks that take the time to share on this board. it truly is a wonderful thing when you can get a perspective on how other folks are dealing with perhaps what your are dealing with. please keep posting...you never know if you're someone's lifeline.

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Welcome to ENA and thanks for giving us your input. Breaking the silence is an important step in trying to cope with the isolation (and shame) that oftens follows depression.

 

Hope you stick by and try to connect with people here. Although everybodys pain is different, there are people here that are or have been in your situation.

 

Wish you well.

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