Becoming friends instead of NC?

[BusyNAbroad]

Let's say you really care about the person whom you broke up with/you dumped/dumped you, and you would still entertain a friendly relationship with this person...

 

What is the best way to behave in this case?

Wouldn't NC be harmful, as they would initially think you disappear without a word, and then try to be friends?

[hockeyboy]

immediately following a breakup, time apart is needed.

 

in certain situations, friendships are eventually possible, but those aren't likely. time apart first is necessary though.

[NJRon]

If I really think that friendship is the way to go, then I would go NC, but tell them that you need time to heal.. to move on and get yourself together. Once you feel ok, you open up with Light Contact and go from there. If they are truly interested in being a friend, then they will understand your need to have some NC time to heal. If they fight that, then there is something else going on there.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If they dump you and you decide you want to be friends with them, then you will have to be able to handle hearing about the new person they may be dating and sleeping with. That is why friendship with an ex is not a good idea if there are still romantic feelings involved. No contact allows you to not be subjected to hearing about the new person they are banging and madly in love with.

[BusyNAbroad]

What is the best way to convince them to stay friends?

(Especially if she dumped me?)

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You can't convince someone of anything. If she dumped you and doesn't want to remain friends then it is best to get the message and walk out of her life.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

You can never hope for a friendship in most cases because of a number of reasons.You will most likely be acquaintances.The reasons include residual feelings,one party hoping to get back together and complications in future relationships with other people.I think exes belong firmly in the past and if you run into them anywhere you just say ''HI'' and move along.

[lady00]

There is absolutely no point in trying to get someone to be friends with you. Do you do this with other friends? No, it just happens. Or it doesn't. This is how all of my friendships with exes have developed. They just do or they don't happen because we get along and like each other or because we can't stand each other.

[BusyNAbroad]

"You can't convince someone of anything."

 

Why not?

 

I know this is off-topic, but the phrase I am quoting seems to be a wide-spread opinion on this forum and the internet... in reality I constantly see people who can convince others to do what they want, either through rethoric, or through actions, or specific behaviors.

 

When I ask "convince someone to..." I mean... "what are the most effective behaviors, words and actions to make someone...".

 

Is it so immoral/rude/incorrect to ask "How to convince someone to...?"

[lady00]

A person can possibly be convinced if they are already predisposed to what you are suggesting or if they are indifferent. Not sure why you'd want a friend that you had to convince though.

[BusyNAbroad]

Well, there lies opportunity in every person you know

I am saying this both in an opportunistic and altruistic sense.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

Well, there lies opportunity in every person you know

I am saying this both in an opportunistic and altruistic sense.

 

I think you want her back,am I right?As a girlfriend?

[C6Z06]

I don't believe in being friends with the Exes.....It's best to just put them in the past and move on...

[dreamwarrior]

I cannot imagine being friends with my ex after all the pain he caused me...why would I want to be friends with a person I don't like or trust?

 

Haven't seen or heard from him in over 3 weeks and I feel good that way...I don't ask my roommate about him (e.g. if he came over, called, how he is doing). I boxed up his things and my roommate put them downstairs in the laundry room so he don't have any reason to come up here and rummage through the house tearing things out of the boxes messing up the foyer.

 

Honestly, the less I know about him the better off I feel.

[NJRon]

You may need to convince people to do friendly things... but you can't convince someone to be a friend... that makes no sense even if it were possible. It's like asking, "How do I convince someone to fall in love with me?" Do you want to have to convince someone of their feelings?

[BusyNAbroad]

I think you want her back,am I right?As a girlfriend?

 

No. Not as a girlfriend.

But there were so many things that we did together that were independent from the romance. For example, all our non-romantic conversations about science and philosophy for example...

 

Those are things I somehow would like to continue

 

And again, I am a person who never cuts contact with anyone, for no reason. Tomorrow I might die and I want to at least have exchanged sincere and interesting ideas with the people around me, instead of avoiding them...

[julioiglesia]

I can bet you money that it doesn't matter what people here tell you what you do, you'll go with your initial instinct. curiosity killed the cat. the only way you can learn is through experiences. So you should go ahead and befriend your ex and see what happens. if it turns out to be good, great risk taking. if it turns out to be what most of us think it will be, then now you become a believer.

 

I was that cat and ventured to go where people warned me about and boy did I get a smack in the head.

 

after finding out the worst, I screamed out loud "why am i doing this and do i only worth this much? NO, I am priceless and i continued NC"

 

Your ex don't need you. YOu need YOUrself. HOw can you love again if you are not loved by YOU. Do the self respectful thing and be proud for what you stand for and move on. don't creep back in there.

 

In the end you'll thank me.