How to cope?

[pushforward]

Coming to a realization...

 

How do you cope, when they don't love you anymore? When they've moved on and you haven't? When you are thinking about them like crazy and still in pain.

 

My days are getting better, but I'd like more insight on how others are coping with their loss.

[tattoobunnie]

The reason why people say after a break-up, go see friends, pick up a new activity...it's to create new memories. Ones that don't associate the ones you have with the ex. Even if you have to force yourself to, you gotta. And don't beat yourself up for taking the time to grieve...you did lose somebody. One day at a time. Also, take all mementos of that person, and put it somewhere out of view...whether the garbage or some hidden box. No cyber-stalking. It's also time to do things on your own to associate you getting back in the world, like going to a park, feeling the sand between your toes at a beach. Getting back to who you were before them. Getting back what you lost about yourself as an individual.

 

And people on both sides...they may not show it on the surface, but they grieve.

[Robert013]

I agree with tattoobunnie you have to get out there with your friends and make new memories. Realize that where you stand alone is not as bad as you are currently making it out to be. Remember who you are and do everything in your power to get that person back.

 

You were fine before they came into your life. You will be fine without them in your life again if you believe it.

[jennamajig]

I agree with tattoobunnie you have to get out there with your friends and make new memories. Realize that where you stand alone is not as bad as you are currently making it out to be. Remember who you are and do everything in your power to get that person back.

 

You were fine before they came into your life. You will be fine without them in your life again if you believe it.

 

Also agreed. I'm slowly building new memories. I know my folks are giving me a digital camera for Christmas and I plan on using to take new pictures of my entire family. The ones I have are old and I need to fill my new apartment with good memories. Then I will take pictures of friends. I am slowly erasing my ex out of my life because right now that is what is helping me heal and getting my heart ready to first accept me and then perhaps Mr. Right when the timing is right.

 

Coping is hard. We all do it in different ways. We all have days where coping is so easy and the next day it sucks. Going NC helps because you don't have to know anything about them - if they move on before you, you won't have to know and you won't have to care.

 

(Though I'll admit, I would kinda squirm with a little glee if I ever find out I moved on first, lol. And moving on is way more than a rebound relationship...).

[Grace]

I feel like I didn't "cope" after my breakup. I just went through the excruciating pain and did my best to just survive it, there was simply nothing I found at least to mitigate the pain when it was so fresh. Hopefully, after i've been through more of these, I'll find a way to avoid being as emotionally eviscerated.

 

Nowadays, its just a matter of perspective and hope, there's still a lot of pain, but I feel like me again, which is such a relief.

[franfran]

Hey push. I'm living my life. Living it with as much of a smile I can muster up and continuing to show those that are still in my life how much I love them. Doing well in school, performing well at work. To show myself that I can be just as good of a person I was when I was with him, now that I'm without him, sometimes makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. Some days I still wake up feeling at rock bottom cause he is the first thing I think of, or rather, the fact that he isn't asleep next to me. I still cry everyday, sometimes over the tiniest things. I think that's part of the coping process. Instead of shoving our feelings away we need to let them out. Once they're out, they're out.

It makes it especially worse to know that my ex very well may be over me and I'm not even close to being over him. I have no idea what to say to this. What I do, is I tell myself that I am strong enough to get through the pain. I will be okay. And then I smile. Sometimes that smile makes me cry, but I still force it from somewhere.