So messy...

[Stinkweed]

What I'm feeling is just a big muddle of emotions. It's the holidays and I've been called lazy (some might recall my incident with one of the finals... If not, that's okay, I don't even want to go into that again) and told that I should be studying my ass off during these couple of weeks... All I've done, though, is try to relax... Yet because of what I've been told, it feels so wrong and can't enjoy it to it's fullest. As for my family, I don't want to talk to anyone of them too much. Why? Not cause I hate them or anything remotely close like that, but because I feel so different and I'm just so sick of watching some of them change for the worse... It's none of my business, I've got my own life to take care of is why. I feel like they're shackles too, whenever I just want to go out, go somewhere and I've got to get interrogated as if it weren't normal for a 21 year old to want to go out. I'm just not gonna care about that, cause I'm sick of it and all it does is hold me back. I'm on vacation and I plan on doing what I needed to and planned to.

 

I just feel so sad sometimes cause I don't know what I want in my life, and this has to be such a negative thing... I want to truly figure it out... Not do what I'm supposed to and one day get to be 50-something and get depressed... I dunno... It's like I had a pretty nice summer. Towards the end I felt sad cause I could have done so much more, and this is kinda what I'm feeling right now, except I feel like I've gone backwards, and I'm at a lower "level" from where I was during the summer. So many things... I had such high expectations... And I dunno what to expect from the next semester, sometimes I feel I might as well throw in the towel before it even starts, cause maybe when it ends I won't feel as disappointed. I dunno, I'm so tired... When will I finally feel freedom? I live on my own throughout the semester and feel like I don't have to tell the entire truth about what I do, and that's not freedom to me... Worst part is I feel old already, but they treat me like I should know better than being a stupid immature kid... I'm not enjoying life as much as I could be... It's my fault. I should take a more active role and not care about how much others doubt me or think I'm stupid and don't know what I'm doing.

[alli]

I often feel like I'm not doing as much as I should. In college, I felt like I should be doing better on my grades. I should be working out more. My house should be cleaner. I should have a better-paying, more fulfilling job. Try not to dwell on your deficiencies & be happy with what you have achieved so far.

 

I know how it goes with finals. Sometimes there is SO MUCH to do it feels like, how do you start eating this elephant? You HAVE to start. Get that book out & turn off the tv. It's all about forcing yourself to do what you are supposed to do. Now is not your time to relax. After your finals & when the holiday break starts, THAT is the time to relax. I'm going to guess you are smack dab in the middle of your finals week. Study right now for the next exam you have coming up.

 

I know you are pondering a lot about what your life is about. Do not cheat yourself out of your degree. You've already started it; you need to finish it. In the meantime, think about what you might want to do with your life. But keep in mind some realistic expectations. Find things you enjoy doing outside of work, because life isn't all about your job. Find things that make you happy in this world because it is the only one you're going to live in, at least in this lifetime... depending on your beliefs. But I won't get into that...

[thejigsup]

Enjoy your time off. When you are out of college and have a real job, there is no time off. As far as being asked questions about where you are going; I'm a mom and I do that. It's done out of love, really it is. And so is nagging and the like. Parents want the best for their kids and that is why we sometimes turn up the pressure. It's not always the right thing to do, but we do love you guys, even if you don't always see it.

[Stinkweed]

I know how it goes with finals. Sometimes there is SO MUCH to do it feels like, how do you start eating this elephant? You HAVE to start. Get that book out & turn off the tv. It's all about forcing yourself to do what you are supposed to do. Now is not your time to relax. After your finals & when the holiday break starts, THAT is the time to relax. I'm going to guess you are smack dab in the middle of your finals week. Study right now for the next exam you have coming up.

 

Finals have been over for a while, this is my first week off... But I messed one up and ended with a C that could've easily been an A. My parents tell me I don't have my heart into it blah blah. I put a lot of time into that class, though and this one mistake, sadly, cost me an A. Fortunately it wasn't as bad as it could've been (I could've made a D and would have to take the class again). So they tell me I should study over the holidays... I haven't, and just haven't felt like it... Just feel like relaxing, but this kinda gets in the way cause it makes me feel like there's something I gotta do.

 

Enjoy your time off. When you are out of college and have a real job, there is no time off. As far as being asked questions about where you are going; I'm a mom and I do that. It's done out of love, really it is. And so is nagging and the like. Parents want the best for their kids and that is why we sometimes turn up the pressure. It's not always the right thing to do, but we do love you guys, even if you don't always see it.

 

I understand. But for example, if I wanted to go somewhere December 30th or 29th (so, not new year's eve. I wouldn't plan on goin anywhere on new year's eve. I'd spend it with family), they start with all those "don't you love us?" type questions and try to "convince" me to not go anywhere like it's "unnecessary" or I dunno. It's pretty irritating sometimes. So I can't have a life... Just go to school 100% of the time then when holidays come, go home and stay there 100% of the time.

 

It just feels like time flies by so damn fast... When I get out of college (so sad that it's my 3rd year... despite the HUGE pain in the ass it's been with all the working on things I don't even have true interest for, I look back and know I could've enjoyed those other 2 years much more, and could be enjoying this one more too... and will try to. Just wish I listened to nobody but myself) I know I'll think back and say "damnit, this sucks... at least I used to get holidays and time off and more time to spend on things I actually love." LOL, it's like it always all goes downhill, and I'm just trying to appreciate the good things that are left now cause on the next stage many of them will be gone...

 

And I wish I could just make the most of what's left without getting questioned or being told insinuations that nothing I wanna do matters except that damn career (it's true, it's important, but still it hurts so much to be told that what you truly love to do is a useless piece of crap, pretty much)... Everything else is BS to them, but not to me, no... I'd rather die than live a life of doing these things I don't love exclusively and nothing else... That just cannot be what life is about, I won't let mine be ever again.

[alli]

Oh ok, I don't know of anyone who studies on their holiday break! Seriously, why do they want you to? You probably don't even have the books or syllabi for your classes next semester.

 

That would be annoying that they try to get you to spend all of your time with them. And it is nice of you to decide to spend New Years Eve with them. That is the one day I will not spend sober with family if I had other plans! Don't let their guilt-trip get to you. But you could think of it another way- they really love you!

 

Don't let people make you feel like what is important to you is worthless. Yeah, work isn't fun. In fact the majority of people don't like their jobs but we have to do it to have the income to live. It's what makes the world go round. Do you think the guy flipping burgers & the janitor mopping the floors are doing it because its their life-calling? Take solace in the fact that we all do things we don't like because we have to. You can still do the things you want in your spare time.

 

Try to enjoy your break!

[Stinkweed]

Already having more problems... I can't understand, how some people who ALWAYS think the worst believe they can be healthy. If they wanna truly be healthy and live for many more years, that negativity is the first thing they should get rid of... I can't believe it. Everytime they show a person who's over 100, they're the sweetest and happiest old person... Instead of thinking the worst of others and badmouthing them to their back with all sorts of stupid theories. You see, I once had a friend over and was trying to help him make copies of a DVD. This had a work shirt and it was wet, so he asked me to use my drier. I let him do it briefly, and then my parents drop by unexpectedly, right, probably cause they didn't believe me when I told them I was gonna help a friend make copies of a DVD (and they probably still don't believe me to this day). Instead, they assume he's not a real friend and was just using me for the drier, lol. Jesus, I'm too old for this. I swear I'm too old for this... They treat me like a kid, yet whenever I do something unprofessional, I'm an infantile moron. Seriously, I'm not even a teenager anymore, I'm too old for them to be on top of me, lol, like a *beep* ing kid. I feel like a teenager you know *whine* *whine* "You're ruining my life" except I'm a 21 year old man! This is just not normal that they do this to me...