Freaking Out

[beauty_is_pain]

Ive been dating this guy for 2 weeks, and things have been really good, Weve been sleeping together for 3 weeks, and known each other for a month. We try to see each other every weekend, and its pretty much head over heals. But i am constantly freaking out that he has other girls, and that everything hes telling me hes lying about, and that one day hes just going to be like hahaha i was just kidding, i dont actually love you. Now he hasnt given me any reason to believe this and we talk everyday and hes always asking to see me, but we have conflicting work schedules and can only see each other on weekends. I like him very much. But everynight its the same thing...im like freakings out....cause im so scared to get hurt all over again. I never say any of these things to him, he says he only has eyes for me and yeah i dont know... I think its OCD,but how do i cope without ruining what could be a good thing?

[IndigoEye]

Get to know him. Have talks that tell you specific things about him. Learn his character. Learn yours first. Sure you can get hurt (again. Learn anything the first time?) What can you do for yourself to protect yourself when there's no internet to run to? Some things happen spontaneously. What will you use to handle them? e.g. brains, knowledge, character, etc.

 

YOU have to do your due diligence before the commitment (whether that's marriage or sex.) Anything afterward is just damage control. I'm not seeing that work very well.

[Shyguy24]

Hey, from what you have written, i can say that he proably is casual relationship guy.

 

I think you should take it slow, before you get hurt. I mean he could just be a joker or someone who is a constant flirt. After all you just see him on the weekends.

 

Make up your mind, what you want from a relationship, before confronting him on any angle.

[herbal]

If you were like me i would tell you to trust your instinct and run ( i have a very strong feel about stuff and 99.9 % of the time am right, it has saved me from alot of heartache).

But since you ain't me i bet you have to 'check him out', there is no easy way for this but you can try asking random questions, try do a background check on him...... stuff like that.

[cruzer]

I dont think its fair to not trust someone when they have given no reason to not be trusted. However u may get hurt, they may lie, but u have to realize if it happens, their the bad person, their wrong, u guys were not supposed to be together and no reason to miss them or want to be with them if it happens.

[Batya33]

It sounds like you got emotionally attached (probably because you're having sex) and that you are now assuming that you are exclusive -- it sounds like you're casually dating and having sex which is fine if it's something you're comfortable with.

 

If I were you I would focus more on his actions than his words "I love you" and realize that talking every day and seeing each other every day and the head over heels feelings don't substitute for getting to know someone over a period of time - months - to get to know the real person - you've known pairs of your socks longer than you've known him, right? As far as whether he is dating other people, it depends on whether you're exclusive or not. If you are exclusive, then I wouldn't if I were you continue to have sex with him if you don't trust him.

[ghost69]

what do you guys do when you see each other? hang out at each other's houses or do you actually go out on dates?

[beauty_is_pain]

ok, well first off let me say that im not sure i came accross properly. He is the one who took initiative and wants to be exclusive... it wasnt my idea it was his. The reason why i am so doubtful is not because of the things hes done or things he said but rather about past experiences ive had. Which all the factors i listed seems to be a reoccurrence. Hes so different from anyone ive ever dated, as well as much older than me. Hes 26, and Im 19. He seems to be legitimately into me, and granted i know its really early, but hes already talking about us moving in together. Which of course at a month im not nearly ready for. I know hes not seeing any girls, because ive asked him. What im asking is more how do i get over my fear, and not ruin something that can be fantastic. This post was not so much about him, but more about myself, and learning how to get comfortable with myself, without overthinking and comparing to the point that i cant sleep

[ghost69]

you just go with the flow. if the guy turns out something you don't want, you just bail, no matter how much he wants to see you. just don't be too clingy and you should be okay.

[Batya33]

You ask yourself whether you are feeling particularly insecure because you slept together too soon and if the answer is yes you slow things down. I would be very wary of anyone who talked about moving in with me after only a month.