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Why is it so hard for me to make friends??


SweetJade

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I'm feeling pretty lonely and to make it so bad it's the holidays. I don't really have that many friends and most of the friends I do have are basically old friends from high school that's carried on until now. We hardly have time to talk or see each other because some have left out of town to other states for school, some have changed & moved on.. some are married now & some have children to take care of.

 

So all I'm doing is basically school and work. It's quite tedious and boring. I don't really have much of a social life. I've always been a quiet shy type of person. I don't really talk much or socialize with many people at school or work,in fear of coming off weird or stupid. I'm just very self conscious and I've always held back doing things because of my intense fear. I think if I was more social and talkative, I think I can make more friends. At school & work, I'm basically invincible to people. It seems like it's so easy for everyone to find their cliche of friends at school and work while I'm basically by myself.

 

I also find it hard to find people to relate to me at my age. I'm 23 but act more of someone of an old soul. I'm not into partying or drinking. I'm not really into the the things of the world of today. I could care less about the fashion,what's on tv. What's going on in the music industry, not in sports or things of the nature like most people my age are into. So with that, most people find me as a nerd or lame just because of that which may be another reason why no one likes to be bothered.. I don't know. Just very lonely all of the time.

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Ah, I know where your coming from. I am a pretty old fashioned soul. except for the days where I do drink, but I believe a lot of people get caught up in the school, work, sleep repeat process. It's hard to make friends sometimes, depending on your school you could get involved with poetry groups, ect. Go to events at your school. What are your interests? What are things you like to do?

 

Also, I discussed in my Intro to Lit class is the idea of isolationism. Its like people are more than content to just put on an ipod and shut the world out, or use a laptop, which are really intimidating barriers to overcome. Its sad that people are hermitizing (thats not a word, but I just made it one lol) and that makes it harder to meet people and make friends I'm sure.

 

Anyways.

If you ever need a person to talk to, pm, i'd be glad to talk.

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At school & work, I'm basically invincible to people.

 

So you're immune to bullets? j/k. I understand how you feel though as I'm kind of like that except that I'll drink every once in a while but I'm the same even with some drinks in me so it's no help. Many of my friends have or are moving away so I'll need to find some new people to hang out with locally. At least you've got school and work to occupy your time. Especially school. Take advantage of the time you have left there and try to get out of your shell to meet new people. Join a club, take some fun classes, or get into some sports.

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Hey

 

Im 23 too, and as i was reading that, it was almost like i wrote it! I am/feel the same way!

 

Ive had bad friendships in the past - people who just use you, you there as a back up. That has made me less trusting of people.

 

If you want to chat, on msn or something pm me!

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Hmm i would like to address your question directly.

 

You can make friends if you start taking interest in other things then just books. The reality of life is that in todays world , you have gain a multidimensional personality.

 

What i am saying is that to gain something you will have to work at it .

 

Why not try taking interest in some of those things you have spoken about. I can tell you that if you give it a shot you maybe pleasently surprised.

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I'm feeling pretty lonely and to make it so bad it's the holidays.

 

Write over hollidays if you need someone. I have to stay here and miss out pretty much, myself.

 

The short answer to your Q is because you may not know who you really are.

 

Will elaborate:

 

I don't really have that many friends and most of the friends I do have are basically old friends from high school that's carried on until now.

 

Think of new friends in terms of who embraces your new interests, more knowledge, maturity, etc. That's what the old friends maybe do.

 

We hardly have time to talk or see each other because some have left out of town to other states for school, some have changed & moved on.. some are married now & some have children to take care of.

 

From now on, moving, you or them, will have friends come and go. Get used to that. It's a pain, but that's how it goes.

 

So all I'm doing is basically school and work. It's quite tedious and boring. I don't really have much of a social life.

 

You must have balance. Keep diligent with your work; but, learn to "receive" as well as "give". finding where to receive takes some creative work. It's all about those new interests you develop. And speaking of giving, I'm not just talking about your work in school/job. What charity, to make the world better, can you find so naturally compelling to you to get involved in that will expose you to new...

 

I've always been a quiet shy type of person. I don't really talk much or socialize with many people at school or work,in fear of coming off weird or stupid. I'm just very self conscious and I've always held back doing things because of my intense fear.

 

Was always the same way. Identify with that totally. It's better now, but not always.

I think if I was more social and talkative, I think I can make more friends. At school & work, I'm basically invincible (?) to people. It seems like it's so easy for everyone to find their clice (niche?) of friends at school and work while I'm basically by myself.

 

That's normal in this way. Academia is geared for a certain type of IQ, (I think.) Easy to excel there if you're the doctor, lawyer, business major-type who can once-over a book and toss it right back on a test. Then there's the "creative genius"-type of thinker, spacial thinker, tactil learner (e.g. me.) who didn't do so well there. Had to take more time studying to get lower grades. Hated it. Have less time to chill out, hang out. Was frustrating. If you're this way, for example, your creative genius mind has to free itself of the normal bar-fly conversation-type thinking to do your thing well. Doesn't help so much in conversing with others and remaining on their wavelength. You may have a different makeup. Just an analogy.

 

I also find it hard to find people to relate to me at my age. I'm 23 but act more of someone of an old soul. I'm not into partying or drinking. I'm not really into the the things of the world of today. I could care less about the fashion,what's on tv. What's going on in the music industry, not in sports or things of the nature like most people my age are into. So with that, most people find me as a nerd or lame just because of that which may be another reason why no one likes to be bothered.. I don't know. Just very lonely all of the time.

 

I'm probably twice your age but exactly like that. Ever study numerology?

(link removed) Check it out. Very cool. You'll not become pagan or something if you look at it. We jsut don't know it's origins. No problem. It's always right on. $40.00 - get a numerology reading in e-mail. It tells you all about your makeup inside. You mentioned "old soul". I'm a double 9: "Inventor who wants to save the world." Spot-on reading. They have compatibility readings for between you and someone else. Have done three of these. All four have been maybe flawless.

 

It's just something, a tool, to help you understand yourself better and make sense of it all. Know what problems to work around and what strengths to push.

 

Hope that helps. There's some thought and work that goes into getting this kind of thing worked out. Just remember. Some, perhaps most, follow the pack. They do this for security, career, lack of originality, fear of not fitting in, etc. I don't do that. I don't follow trends. I set them. That was never the motive. It just happened by doing it my way. We're made unique for a reason right? So why go against nature? Like the "good-ole-boy network", for example. Evil little bastards of the universe.

 

How about you? You sound like the original type, Just young and not having the development to "come into your own" yet. Some are early with this, some are late-bloomers. I was way late. It's confidence that originality needs to survive. Another thread asks to "Define confidence". In this context, I'd say: "Venture uncharted waters as familiar ones." That will come with practice.

 

Design your new path and establish your roots in your own turf. (I actually have my personal writings and illustrations on the inner self and how to redesign it. It's intense. I've learned a lot from within. I LOVE this.) Never go to someone else's turf just to get along with them. This is good for neither of you and you get walked over. If you're an original, it's understandable that only a small group seems to qualify as to whom you let into your personal domain. But then suddenly, you're a new kind of attraction to the ones with whom you're compatible. (Happened to me. I took control and it's drawn more balance in my life. Life's never been good until I learned this this.) How will you learn this? Sounds like a hand full. Takea Reiki workshop. You'll see what I mean.

 

Hope that fits in with what you're wondering about. "Good luck" is one way to say it. But, "Be dilligent and make it happen, empower yourself" is another way. You don't have to be a jerk, by any means, to empower yourelf, take control (of your own self) and receive the happiness it WILL bring. You have everything you need within. Now go find it. "Go deep" as I call it. Find out who you are. (In doing this, realize that hte ego is bull$#!+. You have to replace it, if you have one, with something real and significant.

 

(Personally, I think of my inner core as a cylinder with a gloden cone in the middle representing the Holy Spirit. A white cord wraps up tightly around the cone, representing my life path wihci is closely following the holy Spirit. Within the cylinder, all remailing space is filled with Love-energy. This white cord is grounded in the roots of God's will for me. That's where my groundiung comes from.)

 

Then, with this newly redesigned inner core, you understand how to handle the world around you better as you have a new you and have an intimate understanding of it's composition. This will take some time. Start writing what you think about problems and everything else in notebooks. You'll get into it and fill many. That's where that intense (apologies) description above comes from. My writings. That's where the magic happens. That's where the awswers from within come.

 

You're an original. You're just fine. Make it a good day. I mean you can work at making a good life or you can suffer. Your choice. So that's why I was so long-winded about some of how to do it. It's a clean slate. Be the designer. Why not make it a "work of art"?

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  • 1 year later...

I feel the same way... I've had many bad friendships in the past which is making it hard for me to trust people. I think I'm clinging on too much to the very few friends that I do have...

 

Anyways, I think the important thing is to first know that your social status or the number of friends you have does not define you. Once you are sure about yourself, you would feel more confident and that naturally attracts others who are similar to you. But keep in mind that people dont just appear out of nowhere. You have to put yourself out there, but at the same time never lose sight of who you are and the fact that you are complete all on your own.

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5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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