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NOT going NC is helping me get over my ex


sandrawg

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Okay, I may be an aberration here, and I'm not recommending this for everyone, but I haven't gone total NC with my ex. We've been texting and emailing some. The main reason recently is because he sprayed some stuff on my balcony railing accidentally that stripped the paint, and we had to coordinate how it was going to get fixed.

 

During that process, he kept texting me unnecessarily. Finally, I said, "are you just sending me all these texts about the paint job as an excuse to stay in contact with me?" well, he pretty much admitted he was. Then he told me how lost he is, and how he "tried to cry" the night before, but it "didn't work."

 

I found that rather odd-I don't have to TRY to cry. I'll drive my some place that reminds me of him, and I start crying.

 

The continued contact, where he makes comments like THAT, is making me think, he might be a sociopath. I am not sure he has feelings for people. And all it's doing is confirming my decision to stay away from him.

 

You see, he was keepign his ex as a backup while we were together, and I didn't know it-he'd lied to me and told me they weren't communicating. He said she was crazy, repulsive...etc., all after I complained cuz she had been sending him sexy pictures and wouldn't leave him alone, in the beginning of our rel'ship.

 

THEN he jumped right into a rel'ship with her when we had a temporary breakup. And he lied and said it wasn't a rel'ship, but that's not what she told me. He totally led her on-made her think they'd move in together. The weekend they rekindled thigns by sleeping together, he texted me to get back together.

 

I only found out a few weeks ago, that they hung out BEFORE we broke up in April.

 

I think he used his ex, and possibly, he used me as well. I know he jerked us BOTH around, and treated us like dirt through all this. That's why I think he may have sociopathic tendencies.

 

He's told me he regrets "torturing" me. He wishes he could change the past. And he said he felt bad for me having to be dealing with the repurcussions of his lies. So, I've gotten a bit of an apology from him. Not doing NC has also allowed me to vent my feeligns to him, whihc I feel I needed. I gotta be careful, though, cuz I can be sarcastic.

 

Today, I told him "Maybe we should stop contacting each other to make it easier to move on...

 

Until you find someone new. Then maybe I should send you sexy pictures and badger you so I can ruin your new rel'ship just like you and (the ex) screwed OUR rel'ship up."

 

I know-rude. I think he deserves it tho.

 

I am happy to say, I'm dating now and I've met a couple of nice guys. One guy I went out with on Saturday-I felt a real connection with and I think I will see him again. I'm not holding out any expectations, but we'll see how it goes. I'm comparing him to my ex, and he's so much more mature-I can tell already.

 

So I'd have to say, in my case, not going NC has actually helped me.

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Sandra

 

Your strength is such an inspiration. I think its great how you have been on dates and how you have managed to express your hurt without getting hurt.

 

I hope one day I will be in your position.

 

As you know NC is the only way for me. I am on day 9 although not counting so much now because I know its forever. I don't think there is any reasoning with my ex and with him being so narcissistic I cannot criticise him or tell him how much I have been hurt.

 

I am glad my ex has a new girlfriend now because it means I will not ever try to contact him. I have no hope and I never should.

 

Well done for keeping it all together xx

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