any hope?

[mike345]

hi guys im new here, sorry if the post is too long, ill try to keep it short.

 

Basically I was with my girlfriend for three years, she loved me months before we got together and everything was good to begin with. over a year ago I developed depression which began because of exam stress and stuff began to decline, we would still have great days out and lots of fun but quite a lot I would jsut get down. I got rid of depression about 6 months ago. Anyway in september she went to college in september and told her friends before that some guys were asking her out and that she wasnt interested because she only "had eyes for me" and that things between me and her had started to get better. anyway a month after she went to college the work was taking its toll on her and she began to talk less and began to get stressed. she contacted me shortly after and said that we should just be friends because she doesn't have time to talk to me, she told her friends that she felt bad leaving me at home while she was away. A week after i called her and she was stressed out still, she said she still loved me but didnt know why and that I had caused this and that she was a crap girlfriend. I seen her some weeks later in person and she told me she didnt know if she still had the feelings (she had told me less than a week earlier on the phone that she thinks she still has feelings). she also said in person that she didnt want to rush back into things and wants to see how it goes as friends.

 

A week ago I wrote her a letter apologising for the way I'd been when i had depression and told her i was there for her and hoped we could get back together in the future. she started talking to me friday night for quite a while, it was laid back, we talked about college and how she was and she asked how I was etc and she said she'll feel better when she is home for christmas.

 

again sorry for the length. is there any hope guys? much help appreciated

[SapphireNoir10]

I think, if you are broken up, you should live out your life as a single person and consider her as your friend with the potential there for you to get back together.

 

It sounds like shes torn between living the college life and meeting new guys and being with you because she may love you but not know what she wants.

 

There might be hope, just dont put your life on hold waiting for her.

[justletgo07]

My situation seems fairly similar. We dated for 2.5 years, she was under a lot of stress with school during a time when I was also depressed. The stress became too much, and she broke up with me and told me she doesn't feel the same way anymore. We've been broken up for about 2.5 months now.

 

I think anxiety and depression can certainly make relationships more difficult, and she and I both dealt with our fair share of both. However, you almost sound like you are blaming yourself for some of it. I don't think you should have to apologize for having depression. Was she apologizing for her stress or anxiety? These things are normal, and you shouldn't be apologizing for it as if you did something wrong. You're actually fortunate that you were able to get through it with your relationship intact.

 

Like BlueAfterGlow said, there may very well be a chance for reconciliation, but you don't need to hold out for it. It's very possible that she is finding herself attracted to other guys, and part of her current stress is being caused by her conflicting feelings. If you read more threads on this forum dealing with one or both members of a couple going off to college, you'll find that lots of people find it incredibly challenging to maintain a relationship with someone who is back home. In the case of me and my gf, she was still in college and I had graduated, which put us in different parts of our lives. It's hard to date someone who is outside of the "part of life" that you are in. It just makes it a lot harder to relate...

[knightNshiningarmor]

blue im liking u more and more...to the op...yes..realize right now that she A knows u treat her well and thus would like to keep u in her life and possibly keep u as a back up in case the grass on the otherside ends up not being so greener...your her safety net ...so make your mind now to either be her friend with no hopes or desires to get back with her and start moving on with your life in respect to that aspect or drop her all together...i advise the latter its a much healthier approach...but odds are youll continue being her lap dog until she finds a new guy which will tear you up shell stop contacting u as much and out of desperation youll bombard her with calls letters and messages or youll realize its best to cut your losses now.

[mike345]

thanks for the advice guys. It's really confusing right now. I can't help but feeling there must still be something left after three years, then again I could be very wrong. If I wanted to try to get her back would any of you recomend doing anything specific such as no contact or do you think maybe getting together over christmas while shes home with friends would be good?