Has anyone rekindles a relationship after it ending badly

[gary1958]

Has anyone ever rekindled ther relationship with someone even when it has ended very badly. Mine ended with her telling me that her love for me was different and in her heart she new it was over. This is a week after telling me in a Valentines Day card that she would die without me. Now she has emotional issues. Panic/Anxiety Disorder, as well as traits of certain personality disorders. In getting closure 8 months later I was able to tell her her issues and what it did to me and the relationship. I said that if she had owned up to her issues I would have supported her 110%. I think she already knows her issues but is in denial or is afraid. Anyways during these emails of course she didn't want to see me or talk to me ever again. And this isn't being apart for weeks or months but is coming up on 18 months now. Suddenly I get an email with a smile attached from her 2 months ago. Never got a chance to read it as I had her blocked and it was deleted. Then a friend I haen't talked to in 18 months sends me an email saying that I have been struggling. God says it is over. Something special is coming your way. Then I get an ooooops wrong email address email from my ex last Friday. This whole relationship ended very suddenly during one of her panic attacks. I have remained no contact with her for over a year. In my opinion, she ended it so if it is her desire to make contact it is up to her and in a credible fashion. I have moved on. Have gotten my self esteem and confidence back. Resumed my life and it is good. Of course in the back of my head sometimes I think, what if she did get her crap together. She was a wonderful person on so many levels and I loved her to death. But the reality of it is she probably hasn't. Never the less, after all that was said between us at the end and since the end, these emails are all confusing to me. Maybe people do forget over time and maybe they take the time to grow. I don't know. I try to live my life each day. Don't put a lot of weight in these recent emails none the less, they do confuse me.

[coolgirl]

My relationship with my ex ended badly but we never tried to get back together. But I will tell you this. Once a relationship ends badly things will never go back to be the same the way it use to be. I thought if i kept a friendly level with my ex bf at the time being it would be the same, I was wrong. We both grew differently and we grew apart and now that i see it I'm glad I did not reconcile with him. we were constantly at each other's throats. that's my opinion. Do you want to reconcile with her?

[phillygal]

Wow, your situation is so similar to mine. The guy who I was trying to get back together with has so many insecurities and issues, it reminds me of why we broke up many years ago. After 3 years of being apart, I thought he had changed and things would be different this time around, but nothing has changed. He is still the selfish, insecure person he once was, and the worst of it is he tries to blame me for all his issues. I have decided to remove myself from the situation, as I can see where things are going. It took me a long time to love myself and to see myself as valuable, and there is no way I'm going to let this person break down my self-esteem.

 

Trust me, you are better of leaving things as they are. Most likely, she is still the same person she was when you guys were in a relationship. Unless she got some professional help, I don't see how anything would be different.

 

I think we have to realise there is nothing you can do to help people like that. Only they can help themselves. It will only bring you more heartache and pain if you somehow try to rekindle something with her. JMO.

[gary1958]

That was my thought.. Maybe she has been through a couple of guys who wouldn't put up with her crap. So she thinks maybe I'll give Gary a ring. He was tolerant, I'll sugar coat it.

[HopeArises]

Gary,

 

I know that she has issues and so does everything else on here now as well. My advice or take on this is that you hold HER responsible for the breakup and my take on this is that she will not come back to you as long as she feels that YOU feel this way. You must accept her Gary. You talk badly about her, yet you want to know how you can get her back. Do NOT talk about her flaws. We all have them. This is not the way to rekindling anything with her. BLAMING and picking on is what I am quite certain is what lead to the demise of your relationship if I am not mistaken. You may have made her feel inadequate and so she LEFT. Forgive her and hold NO bitterness, which I am sensing you are at the moment. Act accepting and happy with whatever decision she decides for herself and she may start to feel more comfortable around you (not feeling like she is being judged). These are my thoughts.

 

Good luck.

[gary1958]

For the record...This girl was diagnosed along time ago. I do not hold her responsible for her condition, But she needs to own her actions. If I looked at her wrong I was raged at. If I said the wrong thing I was raged at. I never did anything right or enough and was told this time and time again. Her hypersensitivity, insecurities and neediness made it impossible to have a healthy loving respectful relationship with her. If I new going in what I know now would I have done things differently, of course. Did I do things wrong, of course I did. I was the one on meds and in counselling for a year after the relationship. SHe is the one who jumped to a new guy right away. So if there is any intent on her part to contact with these emails of course I'm not going to play the blame game. But she has no friends and all of her relationships have failed because of her emotional health. I have been warned by friends as well as having things tld to me by her family. All I am saying is when this ended and I new I needed help I went and got it. And I think she needs to get out of her denial state and realize she has some emotional trauma from childhood buried deep insode she needs to address. I know it takes to to tango. As long as I walked on eggshells in the relationship things were unbelievable. As soon as I expressed an opinion or had a criticism I was yelled screamed and raged at and blamed for the toxicity in the relationship. A person should be allowed to be themselves in a relationship and not expected to bend and conform to the other person to keep them happy . I have accepted her for who she is but I think she needs to and address those areas where she is in turmoil.