Closure letter to ex. (long, won't send..)

[WadeCure]

I'm probably about as healed as they come as far as my ex named M. I no longer want to be with her. But I'm terrified of the future, of what that brings, etc. The next decade or so is going to be terrifying. But it could be the best of my life. I try to remind myself of this.

 

I think in order for me to continue my progress forward I need to stop taking things inward but get out there and help others, whether be on ENA forums or other forums or in real life - I think that's the best path for me to take, and one that I haven't took very much on sadly. But I wanted to write some sort of closure letter, put it out there on the web for people to see regardless if they read it or not, because it's probably a lot better than keeping it to myself. I'll probably revisit the anger, the sadness, etc. just one final time. This may get long. It'll probably be very pissed off (this is exactly what I want to say, it may be hurtful - but I'm not sending to her anyway) But I think it's necessary.

 

But here goes. Forgive the immaturity which might exist here. But I'm pissed and this is how I'll get my closure.

 

 

 

So now to help others!

 

Thanks everyone who helped me. I'll keep everyone posted on happenings in my life.

[thejigsup]

Sir, there is nothing immature in your post. You dodged a major bullet here. My bf hogs the t.v. and can be messy - so what? We have two televisions and I could go in the bedroom and watch t.v. if that's what I wanted. As far as messy, yeah, my bf is messy. So what? He doesn't ask me to clean up after him, so it's not my problem. I am a mature woman who knows what love is really about. Your ex is a selfish little girl. Be happy it's over. I mean that sincerely. You would have had a miserable life.

[Grace]

"This is how the world ends not with a bang but with a whimper" That quote haunted me after my breakup, it seems like their should be some grand finale with an innate sense of import, but for the most part, its the small stuff that just accumulates.

[WadeCure]

Thejigsup... thank you for that message.

 

Grace... ouch.

[JohnDoe123]

Hey!

 

I don't think it was immature at all. In fact, man, it was well-written and sounded pretty damn honest.

 

I just came out of a horrible relationship with many breakups and I always, in the past, sent those kind of letters. This time, though, I'm 100% N/C.

 

I still write them in my journal but there is no way I'm gonna send them. uh uh. Not going to give the witch the satisfaction that I'm even *thinking* about her. Also, in the past, any time I wrote anything of substance to her she blew it off, failed to address anything, and more often than not used the opportunity to throw another mindf%$k my way. In the end I felt worse rather than better.

 

Write 'em, read, then delete them or put them in a journal. Reading what you wrote later, down the road, when a bad case of "missing the ex" comes along it might just save from doing something stupid.

 

Peace,

JD123

[keith515]

It sounds like you dated one of my exes!

 

Seriously, I was shocked when you were admitting the things you did wrong. Either you are lying to yourself or you are being too hard on yourself. Wow! Is that really the worst you did? You didn't even have to mention it. Those are things someone may irritate someone but it's not something that can make someone furious.

 

I was in a relationship like yours and you need to work on re-building yourself. The way she acted was NOT NORMAL. Maybe she wasn't clinically insane but she was not a rational, reasonable person who just got angry sometimes. You deserve a medal for putting up with all you did. But at the same time, it's not something any person should have to put with in any relationship.

[WadeCure]

Seriously, I was shocked when you were admitting the things you did wrong. Either you are lying to yourself or you are being too hard on yourself. Wow! Is that really the worst you did? You didn't even have to mention it. Those are things someone may irritate someone but it's not something that can make someone furious.

 

Yes, that's really the worst I did. I have done lots of soul searching. That's the best I can come up with. If there was more, she wouldn't tell me - she would expect me to mind read. "It has to come natural" she would say. * * * .

[keith515]

Forgive me for psycho-analyzing you but I have some experience with that type of relationship.

 

What it sounds like to me is that you are looking for justification or explanation for the way she treated you. As if you must have played some role in her behavior. While I agree that we should all look inside ourselves to find out how we contributed to the downfall of a relationship so we can grow.

 

However, there IS a difference between finding something that is truly there versus making something up. A reasonable person would not have reacted the way she reacted.

 

I know she has created a lot of pain because of her actions. It is important to remember it wasn't you and she would act the same no matter who she was with. Unless it's the opposite and she would date some loser who controls her and abuses her.

 

Just a guess did she have a troubled past or indulge in drugs at one point in her life?

[WadeCure]

Troubled past? Yes, probably. She does have who I consider to be one of the most terrible people on the planet (her Mother.) She had to witness her Mother point a gun at a guys head who cheated on her. My ex was date raped. She has a terrible white trash father. etc. etc. etc.

 

I need to forgive myself and realize I'm human. I had to put up with the most irrational person on the planet. I made it last for that long. It wouldn't have lasted. And she'll do the same to her next boyfriend.

[keith515]

Troubled past? Yes, probably. She does have who I consider to be one of the most terrible people on the planet (her Mother.) She had to witness her Mother point a gun at a guys head who cheated on her. My ex was date raped. She has a terrible white trash father. etc. etc. etc.

 

I need to forgive myself and realize I'm human. I had to put up with the most irrational person on the planet. I made it last for that long. It wouldn't have lasted. And she'll do the same to her next boyfriend.

 

Why am I not surprised of her past. My last ex had a horrible past. Things that she did and things that she experienced. I think I'm still trying to heal. I don't know what I need to do but I'm still feeling something, I'm just not sure what it is. I know one thing for sure is that I don't feel I have the ability to make a connection with someone else for a while. I'm getting better but the process seems to be slower than I thought.