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letting problems go


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I am a 31 yo woman who has a mom that cares nothing about me. She never has, se has always made it clear that I am a HUGE disapointment.I have moved far away from her and started my own life but, her poor treatment of me makes me feel like there is somthing wrong with me. My own mother doesnt even love me. My main concern is that , i dont want these feelings to carry over into my life now. I have a 13 month old daughter, who i adore,and I dont want to ever make her feel this way.How do i let this go?

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I am sure your mother loves you... in her own way. I had to let it go too, around the age of 30 -- how my mom feels about me. You love your daughter. No matter how your mother treated you, it doesn't matter -- you KNOW you love your daughter, and you know you won't make the same mistakes so that, one day, your daughter will wonder if you loved her.

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In a way, you kind of have an advantage here. You know first hand how your mom treated you and that has helped you to be a better loving parent to your own daughter. Just continue to shower your daughter with love and praise and she will likely be the same way with her own daughter when she has one.


In the meantime, I would seek counseling so that you do not feel so overwhelmed with these emotions.

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My mother abandoned me at a young age. I was soooo scared when I had kids that the same depression, and nervous disorder she had would make me repeat what she did.


I am so happy to say that it did not. I adore my children. I love them more than my life itself. I have been so depressed at times that I wanted to give up....know what kept me here? My kids! I could NEVER do what my mother did. I am sure you will make the right choices too, becuase we learn from our parents mistakes.

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Knowing these things and coping with them are often very different.

As a boy I often sought my fathers approval as I wanted him to be proud of me. I can say I needed his approval, but that was then. As I grew older and became my own man I learned that I did not need his approval but I still wanted him to be proud of me.


Do you feel you have something to prove to your mother?

Do you feel that it is your fault that she does not love you?

Do you seek the approval as I did?


These are questions for you to answer just for yourself.

Many problems have just one question...."WHY"


You aren't lacking, your mother is. The mere fact that you ask means that you are not her and you are in fact much more than she ever realized. That is her failing, not yours.


If I may I would like to recommend a book for you to read. It is called "Raising an optimistic Child" You can find it at book stores easy enough or at many libraries.


You sound like a caring thoughtful person and mother. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a great mommy.



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