What Should I Do? Please Suggest!

[chiyork]

I have been on NC for more than 3 months. Although I broke it twice (one short encounter on Yahoo Messenger and sending my ex gf a birthday card), I pretty much have kept it.

 

Yesterday, she sent such an email:

 

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Hope all is well. Bill was recently laid off by WAMU and is thinking of a career change to business side. Since you had an IT background prior to moving to Finance field, do you mind that he call you for some advices? If you are ok with him calling you, I will pass on your phone number, if not, I completely understand. Please let me know.

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I am not sure whether I should respond to this. I don't hold any bad feelings against her at this moment and I am always willing to help friends, but I just don't feel I am completely healed to such a degree to enter into this kinda 'friend mode' with my ex. And also I myself have been out of job for a few months now (I was not laid off but resigned from my previous job). From time to time I had the feeling that quitting my job, to a degree though probably small, contributed to the breakup, or at least it caused her to have judgment on me that I was not responsible enough to provide her with sense of security.

 

Please suggest whether I should respond (if I do I will say I am willing to let her friend call), or just ignore it and continue my healing process.

 

Thanks.

[GoldenHillGuy]

If you're not healed enough, just let it go. Or tell her you're not comfortable with the contact at the moment. Trust me, when you open the path for her to contact you under the premise of 'friends', you'll be getting all kinds of stupid contact.

[chiyork]

If you're not healed enough, just let it go. Or tell her you're not comfortable with the contact at the moment. Trust me, when you open the path for her to contact you under the premise of 'friends', you'll be getting all kinds of stupid contact.

 

The reason I hesitate is that I don't want to look like a narrow-minded person. You are right she did contact me a couple of times right after break up and asked me about small matters which were seemed to be unnecessary at all. And for sure she did not ask those because she wanted to talk to me like before.

[GoldenHillGuy]

Well, if you realize that she's not wanting more than friendship, then you could get away with it. It still sucks though. But I screwed up, and after telling her I didn't want to be friends, she convinced me to be 'friends' by saying 'maybe' we'll get back together. So, I responded to all of her stupid little emails and calls, until I realized that she really only wants to be friends. So, what can I do? I can't tell her that I'm not interested any more. I just ignore most of them, and reply very shortly with the ones that require answers.

 

Point is....stop the madness before it starts if you don't want to go down that path. And stick to it!

[chiyork]

Well, if you realize that she's not wanting more than friendship, then you could get away with it. It still sucks though. But I screwed up, and after telling her I didn't want to be friends, she convinced me to be 'friends' by saying 'maybe' we'll get back together. So, I responded to all of her stupid little emails and calls, until I realized that she really only wants to be friends. So, what can I do? I can't tell her that I'm not interested any more. I just ignore most of them, and reply very shortly with the ones that require answers.

 

Point is....stop the madness before it starts if you don't want to go down that path. And stick to it!

 

Sometimes I wonder what is on these dumpers' mind? Do they do this kinda thing (contact for small matters) just to show they still want to keep 'friends' with you, or they hope to make you feel 'less bad' about them? If I were a cold blooded dumper I would not bother the dumpee like that.

[midnightrambler]

Sometimes I wonder what is on these dumpers' mind? Do they do this kinda thing (contact for small matters) just to show they still want to keep 'friends' with you, or they hope to make you feel 'less bad' about them? If I were a cold blooded dumper I would not bother the dumpee like that.

 

if Bill is her boyfriend I would tell her to "get lost"

[chiyork]

if Bill is her boyfriend I would tell her to "get lost"

 

No, Bill is just an ordinary friend who I met before.

[chiyork]

After breakup she changed her cell number so that I could not call her. I still don't have her number. She also told me she would block my email at that time. I am not even sure if she can receive my email. I guess she probably did not block my email, but with all that she told me and now she was asking for this kinda thing, I just find it really...don't know what word I should use.

[midnightrambler]

After breakup she changed her cell number so that I could not call her. I still don't have her number. She also told me she would block my email at that time. I am not even sure if she can receive my email. I guess she probably did not block my email, but with all that she told me and now she was asking for this kinda thing, I just find it really...don't know what word I should use.

 

i would feel used...cut her loose

[GoldenHillGuy]

i would feel used...cut her loose

 

For sure.

[purpleJ]

tell her youre not healed and will not feel comfy doing this..

If it was me i just wouldnt reply at all unless she called then i answer her

you need to minimise contact as much as you can..and even if this makes her think youre narrow minded, just tell yourself WHO CARES?..youre not together anymore youre moving on you should put yourself first and if you dont think its the right thing for you at this point in time screw what she might think of it