So it's been a long time... And I'm back to square one.

[Moto]

Hi ENA,

 

I apologize for leaving everyone first and foremost. Secondly I'm back here to search for help yet again when my stars came crashing down. I will weave you my tale, of what I thought to be true love and what has happened the last week.

 

I met this girl, the only one I could ever see as the one for me. The mere glance at her made stars appear in my eyes, from the moment I saw her I knew I loved her. We had been friends for quite awhile, long distance of course, and we decided to meet. Fireworks flared, other girls became non-existent (as did my friends after awhile as I became a hermit when I couldn't be with her).

 

Since we didn't have much time together when we were together things exploded. Everything from watching a movie to sexual encounters, it was all the most intense feelings I had ever felt for someone. No one in my past life could compare, and I would never want anyone in my future to compare. I was destined that she was the one but...

 

Things went smoothly for the last nine months, we were planning to be together this Christmas and thus I have worked for the last three months straight to make this the Christmas to remember. I was going to show her the world through my eyes, make everything perfect down to the last little present I bought her, and believe you me I have them on my shelf beside me...

 

Today my world turned upside down. Torn asunder, like an arrow through chainmail, straight to the heart. She was supposed to depart tomorrow morning to come see me, she said she was packing and that she would be right back via messaging. Two hours go by, and she gets back and says she can't come see me. She doesn't want to deceive me when her feelings are this way, and says it's nothing I have done. She said she had to sort things out, and that she's not sure if she can do this long distance relationship because she feels couped up instead of living her life, she's at the computer or on the phone with me.

 

Each word might as well have been a cat o' nine tails lashing my skin, leaving welts and digging to the bone. A day before we were supposed to be together for almost three weeks. A day. She insisted it's not me, and wants my support through this and wants to support me, but she can't come see me she says.

 

I love like no other, and stay true to the Shakespearian definition of love, beyond rapture, and showing my heart everyday. Whether it's leaving a romantic message for her on her phone, etc.

 

Here's what I believe triggered it, she's been hanging out with some friends this past weekend, and started to remember what it was like being "normal" , not couped up inside, being social etc. I've always encouraged her to go out, but she insisted she wanted to stay inside and talk with me. When she's out I text her hoping she's having a fun time, and that I love her, and leave it at that.

 

I don't know what to do, or what to say... I apologize for this being poorly written, my heart aches and my eyes are still burning from the tears. I love her more than I love myself and when I came to this conclusion i believe this could be a problem. As I really am quite the awesome person, and I'm sure any girl in their right mind would crawl on glass for a mere chance of having a man of my romantic qualities, and stature.

 

My question is what do I do? If I wait this out in false hope of her changing her mind, or realizing I am more important than living a "normal" life until one of us relocates, it will surely destroy me if things don't go this path. I am lost.

[waveseer]

The way I see it you have two choices, move to be with her or let go.

[Moto]

I offered, and worked out of debt and she said she's not sure if she's "ready" for that. It was my first thought too, as I could work something out with my company to be external sales.

 

The tears just keep coming, and I spent Christmas alone last year because of another failed relationship, and can't afford to go see my family right now (Well I could but $1800 for a flight seems ludicrous).

[waveseer]

Moto, it's your choice. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'm sure others here will tell you that her lack of enthusiasm is not a good sign but isn't the main issue distance?

[Sn0man]

This rings very familiar bells to me.

 

First off; don't go offering to move there to be with her!! I did that once, and just by offering to do that right at the time when she no longer thought it was working it made her furious!! No, no no.

 

I called my ex the day I was to go see her, bags packed, plane ticket bought (long distance) and she dropped that same bombshell on me too, so I know exactly how you're feeling right now - my guts are wrenching remembering it, and that was 7 years ago!!!

 

She's already made up her mind, my friend. And now is the perfect time to cut off all communication. RIGHT NOW. DO NOT send her emails, text messages, call her or anything else. You're in an emotional nuclear explosion right now and whatever you say is going to be driven by desparation. Hold back, take the battery out of your phone and unplug your ethernet cable. Hide it. Better yet, burn it. And don't go putting that battery back in every five minutes to see if you've missed a text message.

 

Do whatever you need to do to get it out of your system. Drink, or go for a long drive (but don't do both!!!!!!)

 

I feel your pain bro, my thoughts are with you.

[Moto]

I think the main issue is distance, and not knowing herself. She's younger than I am (22) and hasn't really done to much. Her self confidence isn't as high as it should be for the flood of compliments i give her, and I think it's destroying her. She said she doesn't feel good enough for me, and that she has to sort herself out (WOW EXACTLY WHAT MY EX BEFORE HER SAID WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!? Young women truly are stone-cold-freck-nuts [Louis Black anyone? Humor in a rough time I know...]).

 

And I had offered before I heard this, and I honestly think she's scared of commitment, as she's treating this like it will be her life as she finishes out university.

 

Sn0 , I am sorry that you had to feel this same way. Thank you for your kind words and advice, and don't worry. I'm probably the most spiteful person in the world and I don't resort to pleading, or guilt trips, or anything. I told her "I respect your wishes, and I'll be around if you change your mind although I don't know if that will fix anything right now. No matter what I love you, and I wish I could persuade you to rethink this and come tomorrow, but it looks like I can't."

[thejigsup]

So sorry to hear your story. I wish I could help, but I can't really. This is why I don't do long distance relationships. Sometimes they work, but I feel you have to be together to make a relationship strong. You have to go places, share friends and experiences, have those inside jokes that are triggered with just a glance, well, you get the picture. I have heard of long distance things working, but not very often.